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I’ve had a private post for a while that included our family’s health decisions and vaccination story.  There have been many people interested in reading it, but since it’s very personal, it’s hard to determine who is out for info and who is just out to troll.  So, I moved the links and information on how to start researching vaccination, diseases, and more to help you decide what’s best for your family and your children, based on their family medical history.  If you would like to read our story, please comment here with your email address, it will come to me to approve your comment, and I will remove your email address before posting your comment.  You will then be sent the link to view our story.

As with ANYTHING, you must read both pro and anti information, and use that information to decide what works best for YOUR family.  There is no one size fits all, which is why parental choice is imperative in medical care.

We started here, with the questions to ask before vaccinating:
http://www.nvic.org/Ask-Eight-Questions.aspx

The CDC actually IS great for stats and deep information, you just have to go past the first few pages where they over-recommend vaccines and downplay the reactions while over-stating the disease likelihood.

This is the latest compilation of actual cases of EACH disease in the US by state. You can see how many people actually had something rather than the media reports of an epidemic of 20 vaccinated people. These are stats from 2012 because it takes about 6 months to get all the stats in and post them. So the 2013 stats aren’t even up yet.

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6233a6.htm…

UPDATE 8/9/15: Here is the 2013 report.  If you google “cdc 2013 Reports of Nationally Notifiable Infectious Diseases” and change the year as needed you can find whichever year you want.
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6332a6.htm

Next is my favorite! It’s the PUBMED/PMC (you can search ANY key word and change the drop down to search Pubmed OR PMC). Beware though, a large bit of this information is studies PROPOSED or sent in by others. These are not all confirmed or accepted studies. Some are done by doctors to propose new trials and some are just college papers submitted with their “thoughts”. Know what you are reading and don’t base your choices on a paper that is not medically sound. PUBMED is where I found the full studies done and recommendations on Pertussis and the DTaP which was a major deciding factor for us on vaccinating. The paper outlined contraindications of health issues in people that should not receive it.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/

Here is another CDC reference. It is the people who should not get vaccinated. I find this interesting that just about every vaccine is recommended no matter WHAT. However look at their scientific words like “probably should” “should usually not” “should usually wait” “may usually not” – there are no definitive words they are all protecting their asses against someone coming back and saying “you said it was ok, but my kid had a reaction of _____.” I just don’t want to stake my child’s life and quality of life on a mad push for every “vaccine” known to man that may not work or may not protect her. I can’t base her health on guesses like those. Oh, and be sure to read the part where they will give things to a pregnant woman or a woman who becomes pregnant and they nicely provide an 800 number so adverse reactions can be reported – that means they haven’t studied those reactions or vaccines and that those calling that number with reactions ARE THE STUDY. Be sure to read the DTaP portion of the reactions that should not have another dose. Would you want your kid going through that reaction the first time? I don’t.

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/should-not-vacc.htm

I have tons more of stats and studies and science that has convinced us why we aren’t vaccinating, but you should learn to sift through for yourself. I just beg that you don’t read the main page of CDC that says everything is a slight fever or pain at the injection site and “normal”…that’s not complete information.

If you are told you must vaccinate to attend school or daycare, know that you do not.  All 50 states allow exemptions, and it is a legal right to exempt out.  Simply fill out the correct form for your state and turn it in as you would an immunization record.  If you have an issue with it, feel free to contact your local health department for clarification.
http://www.nvic.org/Vaccine-Laws/state-vaccine-requirements.aspx

This information is on seizures and the MMR-V/MMR vaccine, direct from the CDC about the risks and information parents should be given at a doctor’s office.  What’s shocking is that most parents have never been told these risks.
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/combo-vaccines/mmrv/vacopt-factsheet-hcp.pdf

Here are some FB pages that I also like, but as always there are memes and stats shared that you must research and question, and there are always anecdotal stories shared. Both sides share anecdotes and false information and scare tactics, so it’s imperative that you look into the ones that interest you and your family.

Family Health Freedom Network
Great Mothers (and others) Questioning Vaccines
National Vaccine Information Center
Dr. Tenpenny on Vaccines
Cosmic Cog
Vaccination Information Network (VINE)

If you are asked or TOLD to sign a waiver or refusal letter DO NOT.  You can state that you’ll take it home and have your lawyer review.  You can get up and leave.
http://www.vaclib.org/legal/donotsign.htm

This is the form they want you to sign (be sure to read the introduction).  It is soley to “scare” you and have you admit negligence.
http://www2.aap.org/immunization/pediatricians/pdf/refusaltovaccinate.pdf

Here is a form you can print out and sign instead if you feel you want to put something in your file and they insist.
http://www.vaclib.org/exempt/files/AAPmodified.pdf

More references for information:

Here is a list from the CDC of ingredients.
http://www.cdc.gov/…/appendices/B/excipient-table-2.pdf

It came from this page (and I caution, don’t believe the “front page” of anything on the CDC, read deeper, for yourself):
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/additives.htm

Then I used this article to help me understand what “levels” of these additives were “safe” or acceptable for my child’s size.  Then we made a decision after looking up even more things we figured out.

http://vaxtruth.org/2011/08/vaccine-ingredients/

The following links came from many different friends and others that have shared them.  I found them helpful in creating questions about more things we didn’t know about.  Then we looked up answers on our own.

http://journeyboost.com/2015/06/02/my-dear-friend-its-about-vaccines/

http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/best-resources…/

http://www.rtl.org/prolife_issues/LifeNotes/VaccinesAbortion_FetalTissue.html

http://www.nvic.org/Vaccines-and-Diseases.aspx

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/…/d7XAJIIN1l0/s1600/Vax+Front.jpg

http://www.greatmothersquestioningvaccines.com/

http://www.immunitionltd.com/ebook/vaccination.htm

http://beforeitsnews.com/…/50-reasons-not-to-vaccinate…

https://docs.google.com/document/pub…

http://www.thinktwice.com/birthcon.htm

http://www.ageofautism.com/…/things-to-know-or-do-when…

http://www.conservativechristianmom.blogspot.com/2014/01/we-just-made-very-unpopular-decision-in.html

http://journalistsunleashed.com/pro-vax-argument-lost/

http://pathwaystofamilywellness.org/Informed-Choice/my-child-is-vaccine-injured-just-like-yours.html

https://www.facebook.com/notes/lisa-joyce-goes/30-scientific-studies-that-demonstrate-vaxes-can-cause-autism/10150278904786311

List of peer reviewed studies

http://therefurbishedrogue.wordpress.com/…/my-list-of…/

http://www.getholistichealth.com/…/5-vaccines-to-never…/

http://www.vaccinationcouncil.org/…/revelations-by…/
http://therefusers.com/…/vaccine-dangers-bombshell…/…

http://www.pakalertpress.com/…/50-reasons-not-to…/

http://www.thelibertybeacon.com/…/9-magic-words-prove…/

http://worldtruth.tv/vaccinations-are-not-immunizations/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/…/8-reasons-i-havent…

http://naturalsociety.com/publicized-study-vaccination…/

http://healthimpactnews.com/…/dr-kurt-why-i-will-never…/

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/…/8-more-reasons-i-haven%E2…

http://childhealthsafety.wordpress.com/graphs/

http://qbit.cc/…/oil-adjuvant-induced-autoimmunity…

http://vaxtruth.org/2011/08/vaccines-do-not-cause-autism/

http://tradeoutthishatewithlove.wordpress.com/…/expose…/

http://www.drkurtperkins.com/…/my-crystal-clear-stance…

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pdLMeULoujM

Risk of febrile seizures

Personal notes:

IMR/SIDS/Vaccine numbers by country

1964879_10152880180183387_6791528697012060053_n

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00053391.htm

MMR vaccination, like other causes of fever, may cause febrile seizures. The risk for such seizures is approximately 1 case per 3,000 doses of MMR vaccine administered (168). Studies have not established an association between MMR vaccination and residual seizure disorders (150). Although children with personal or family histories of seizures are at increased risk for idiopathic epilepsy, febrile seizures after vaccinations do not increase the probability that epilepsy or other neurologic disorders will subsequently develop in these children. Most convulsions that occur after measles vaccination are simple febrile seizures, which affect children who do not have other known risk factors for seizure disorders.

Antipyretics may prevent febrile seizures after MMR vaccination if administered before the onset of fever and continued for 5-7 days. However, antipyretics are difficult to use for this purpose because the onset of fever is often sudden and occurs unpredictably. Seizures can occur early in the course of fever. Parents should be vigilant for fever that occurs after vaccination and should be counseled regarding its appropriate treatment. Use of aspirin during some illnesses in childhood is associated with the occurrence of Reye syndrome. Therefore, aspirin generally should not be used to prevent or control fever among children and adolescents.

The 5%-7% of children who have either a personal history of convulsions or a parent or sibling with history of convulsions may be at increased risk for febrile convulsions after MMR vaccination (184). The precise risk has not been measured, but appears to be minimal. On the other hand, febrile seizures occur commonly among children in whom measles disease develops, and the risk for acquiring measles is substantial. Therefore, the benefits of administering MMR vaccine to children with a personal or family history of convulsions substantially outweigh the risks and these children should be vaccinated following the recommendations for children who have no contraindications.

The parents of children who have either a personal or family history of seizures should be advised of the benefits of vaccination and the minimal increased risk for seizures, which generally occur 5-14 days after measles vaccination. Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS)

Cases of GBS occurring after administration of MMR or its component vaccines have been reported, but the IOM judged the evidence insufficient to accept or reject a causal relationship (150). Recent studies provide evidence against this potential association (185,186). After recent mass vaccination campaigns that involved approximately eight million doses of measles-rubella vaccine in the United Kingdom and greater than 70 million doses of measles vaccine in Latin America, evaluations of GBS incidence demonstrated no increases over background rates. Arthralgia, Arthritis, and Persistent or Recurrent Arthropathy

Measles:
Measles and Measles Vaccines: 14 Things To Consider

1964879_10152880180183387_6791528697012060053_n

Sources:

1. Measles Deaths:
Table 12 http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6153a1.htm

2.Measles Cases:
CDC Telebriefing: Measles in the United States, 2015
CDC will provide information on current U.S. measles outbreak and guidance for health protection
Anne Schuchat, M.D. (RADM, USPHS) Assistant Surgeon General, United States Public Health Service; Director, CDC’s National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases

Thursday, January 29, 2015 – 3:30 PM (ET)

84 cases of measles reported on the call for 2015.

3.Measles Cases:
Subject: Measles Cases for 2012 and 2013
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2015 19:49:40 +0000
From: Rowland, Helen (Amy) (CDC/OD/OADC) <isc4@cdc.gov>
To: GTaylor@HealthChoice.org <GTaylor@HealthChoice.org>

Hi Ginger,

Please join CDC’s telebriefing, Measles in the United States, 2015, today at 3:30 PM ET for the most update to-date information. As for measles case counts for past years, please see chart below.

Year
Measles cases

2006

55
2007
43
2008
140
2009
71
2010
65

2011

220

2012
55
2013
187
2014
644

4. Vaccine Deaths:

Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System
http://wonder.cdc.gov/vaers.html

Search for deaths from all measles containing vaccines 2006 to 2014

Search by “year of vaccination” “died: yes” and all measles containing vaccines (MMR, MMRV, MR etc)

Year of Vaccination
Count

2006
12
2007
11
2008
13
2009
11
2010
8
2011
10
2012
10
2013
8
2014
3

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Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Levi Quackenboss

AS Alicia Silverstone dares to “give you information” that you “might want to consider.”

It’s been 5 years since the mainstream media began writing about the “dangerous and misinformed anti-vaccination movement.” Who are the kooks in this crazy unhinged movement? Surely they are hanging out in labor and delivery rooms, throwing mercury on expectant mothers, making threats against anyone who vaccinates their newborn for a sexually transmitted disease. Certainly they are sneaking into Boy Scout meetings by posing as den mothers and brainwashing neighborhood parents into hosting chickenpox parties. They organize violent protests, vandalize the homes of known pediatricians, and detox children at slumber parties without parental consent.

Take a look around you—undoubtedly someone from this “anti-vaccination movement” has infiltrated your very own social circle. Thank goodness for the media, otherwise you would never have known.

Except, there is no such thing as the “anti-vaccination movement.” A “movement” is a growing…

View original post 1,005 more words

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Since this is my first blog in a while, I’m just going to write it.  I fully expect it to be jumbled and I just want to get it out.  It just feels good to write something.  I’m sorry if it hurts to read it, but welcome to my head!

If you haven’t read Hannah’s Birth Story, click here!

For years my answer to the question “do you want more kids” was “nope, I’m all done, we’re almost home free!”  Even before marrying Big Daddy I had resolved (and was quite happy) to be done and to having nothing but grandkids running underfoot.  I thought, for a long time, that my childbearing days were over, because I had not been on BC for over 10 years and not conceived.  Fast forward to the day we found out that we were pregnant with Hannah and the words “shock and awe” come to mind.  It’s easy now to (and I often do) look down at this angel sleeping on me and think “how did we ever live life without her?!”  That day, not so much.

She's a boob girl, 9 months and still EBF!

She’s a boob girl, 9 months and still EBF!

Pregnancy has never been a favorite thing for me.  With C, I was so young I didn’t really have anything going on and it seemed very quick and not really painful at all to be pregnant, and let’s face it, I was in much better physical shape.  Labor was a major pain (for 37 hours) and the C-section at the end was not fun.  We planned J’s pregnancy and the second I got pregnant I thought “what the hell was I thinking?!” Every moment of it sucked.  The knee pain, the extra weight, which really wasn’t bad at about 31 pounds, the all over uncomfortable-ness is just for the birds.  I had an easy labor and birth with her and was just thankful not to be pregnant any longer.  When it just didn’t work out that I had another pregnancy, it really wasn’t a big issue because I had no problems not being pregnant.  D had gotten a vasectomy after his first child was born, and during his previous marriage had it reversed to try for another child.  They never conceived, and a few months before we married, he was checked (by our family doctor) and told that he had a zero count…not.  So, we entered our marriage both thinking that our baby days were over, and just enjoying the occasional grandbaby coming over.  Just short of our 3 year anniversary we had been through some really trying months dealing with ex’s and court  for both of us.  I was stressed, he was stressed, life was not smooth sailing, but we were both happy, healthy and our marriage was better than ever.  We both got sick with a cold and were down for about 1 week, but I never quite recovered.  I remained tired, exhausted to the point that I was falling asleep sitting up!  I couldn’t eat much, my stomach was in knots and I was pretty pitiful.  After about 2 weeks of this we were sure I was just still sick with a cold and run down from the court deal and stress.  We spent a Sunday afternoon at his parent’s house, as we often do on the weekends, and while in the sunroom with 3 other people talking to me, I laid down and fell asleep…right there, mid conversation.  You remember how in school you just got that “I must close my eyes NOW” feeling?  That one.  I woke up to go to the restroom, and went and laid down on his mom’s bed!  Still tired, something was way off.  He decided to take me home, and on the way he stopped to get some things from the drug store to help me feel better.  We got home, I got changed and settled to lay down and he pulls out a pregnancy test.  He said “either your pregnant, or you’re going to the doctor because something is WRONG with you!”  I blew it off and said that there was no way I was pregnant and I didn’t have to pee.  Two hours later, I had to pee, and he came in to get me some more drinks and help me up to the bathroom.  I peed on the stick, he covered it and set it on the counter, and he turned around from it to get a washcloth.  By the time I could say to him “how long do we wait” – about 10 seconds had passed, and I looked down and it said “pregnant.”  My exact words were “you have GOT to be freaking kidding me.”  I’m not sure what his reaction was…because I was so shocked and freaking out.  I think he did the “I told you” laugh a few times, and he was smiling the entire time, while trying to calm me down and pull me back from tears and the edge.  Now that I think about it, I don’t think he had a clue how much I didn’t want to be pregnant again, ever.  He was thrilled:)

It’s blurry, but oh, so clear.

Since I don’t want Hannah growing up to think that I didn’t want her, let me make this clear.  I still stand by that reaction.  However, it is NOT the baby that was shocking or what I was reacting to, or that she was unwanted.  It was the realization that I was PREGNANT and would have to carry and birth a child again!  When I say “I hate being pregnant” it is a true and honest statement.  I had zero desire to be pregnant, at 37, my thoughts were not about the adorable baby we would have, but about the painful back, hips, morning sickness (all day, and carsickness I still have 9 months after her birth), leg pain, knee pain, anxiety, and the worst part…LABOR AND BIRTH!  I’m thankful that I’ve had 3 healthy pregnancies, and I’m even thankful that I had a miscarriage and was healthy through that, but pregnancy just isn’t for me.  D can attest to that, I am not a happy pregnant woman.  I’m not mean…but I’m certainly not happy.  Let’s move on, you get the point.

Finally showing at 13 weeks 2 days!

Finally showing at 13 weeks 2 days!

We were about 2 weeks out of a long court battle when we found out, the emotions were high still.  I was right at 9 weeks pregnant when we found out (we thought I was late due to stress).  After the first week of knowing we were pregnant, the shock had worn off, and excitement was setting in and offsetting the nausea!  Babies, cute clothes, names, a child that was part of both of us and did I say, a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very proud big sister on Mothers Day!

Very proud big sister on Mothers Day!

Big sis was grossed out, shocked, weird-ed out, proud and so excited.  I’ll throw in here, that there is no better birth control for your teenager than to see you going through all the crap of pregnancy.  Food aversions, back pain, sleepless nights, utter fatigue, reading your online timeline of what a baby looks like (that’s kinda freaky), reading “what to expect when you’re expecting,” going to all your doctor visits, and seeing the list of all the things that can go wrong, yeah, that’s great BC.  It seals the deal when they are standing next to your head while you push the baby out.  Back in pregnancy land, we were pretty excited, and life was great.  This pregnancy turned out to suck as far as being uncomfortable goes…just like I thought it would, but those things that sucked were balanced out by all the great things that make people have more than one child.  What didn’t suck, what turned out to be the best part, was that I grew our baby girl, and during that time, I learned that I can do lots of things I didn’t think I could, or that I didn’t want to, and I can be happy through them, enjoy them, find the good, and it actually turns out to be pretty awesome.  I needed that for my own good, and we needed that as a couple.  It was a rough decade before Hannah for us mentally and emotionally.

Here’s a quick trip down pregnancy memory lane…in pictures.  I didn’t think it then, but now I think I was adorable, as did D.  I looked great for feeling so crappy!

14.6-1 20.5 18.30.32 27-33 19 - 35 same dress 36.5.2

Not knowing that J was my last baby, at the time she was my baby, didn’t afford me the ohhh and ahhh moments when she did EVERYTHING.  Don’t hear that wrong, she was adorable, loved, she was “spoiled” with attention and everything she did was the most adorable thing you ever saw.  I remember and recall her walking, or videos and pictures of her firsts, and her big moments, same with my son, C.  It’s different with Hannah though, those moments are still adorable, but because I KNOW she is my last baby that I will birth they seem to have an ability to make me stop and actually note them and enjoy them more/longer.  Until I had her and had all those moments over again, I didn’t know I missed them, or that I longed for them and to enjoy them.  It’s different now than it was when either of my other kids were little, we have cameras and videos of everything now, not just Hannah, but everything.  I honestly think I have (more than) one pic for every day of her life so far.  I’m not sure if that’s last baby syndrome or just a sign of the technological times.  What I do know is that I want to remember, and I am happy and sad each time she hits a new “thing” and it reminds me of both of my older kids and how fast time flies.   I’m thankful that the season of pregnancy and birth is done, and I look forward to more babies one day, whether that is foster/adopted or more grandkids.  I’d have a million kids if I don’t have to be pregnant with them!

J on the left, Hannah on the right

J on the left, Hannah on the right

J as a baby and big brother C

J as a baby and big brother C

Our children have been a blessing to both of us.  We are proud of each of them, and in the ways they learn and grow daily. D has taken on a huge role for C and J by being their dad in every way, and that’s something he and both kids needed and deserved.  While she is no more “special” than any of our children, and there was no void to fill, Hannah is everything we never knew we needed, wanted and were lacking in our lives as a family.  She has truly blended our family into a whole unit.   God really does know what he’s doing!

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Life is good!

~Mel

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I’m a fan of My Big Fat Greek Wedding…I’d like to give myself props for my title (it took me 5 mins to come up with).

As I pulled this up to start a new post I realized how much I’ve changed (for the better) in a few years.  I had always believed what I do now, but when you don’t have the opportunity to be heard, or truly practice what you believe it becomes back burner and so hard to do.  I am thankful that I have the husband, marriage, relationship and ability to study and learn about things I’ve always agreed with and was raised to believe.  My posts are more in depth because I am learning more about what it is I need and where I am supposed to be in life.

Where I am/we are in life is a trying place to be in.  I’ve been reading and spending time on finding out as much as I can to help me/him/us make the best decision, to be able to deal with whatever decision we make, and to know what I can do, should do and need to not do in order to help D through this.  Divorce is a pain, children are a blessing, and ex’s are – well, unless you’re lucky, they’re a pain too, some more than others.  If you add all that together, there is huge potential for the kids to become a pain as well.  I’m not harping on a certain kid, because in all I’ve dealt with from OUR kids, they all can be a pain at times.  No one more than the other.

At this time I am not going to blog about the whole story, but I’ll say that we need prayers for wisdom, discernment, patience and healing right now.  You can include D’s daughter in that (we’ll call her B), and our entire family as a whole.  It is not fun, and it is emotionally draining for all parties involved.  I am also going to TRY to be nice and not too descriptive here, except for what is needed to get to my story.  I don’t want this to be a bash the ex post, but it is my blog and I do need to get some things out, so deal with it.

One big happy family!

This post came to me after something D’s ex said in her email of wildly accusatory and totally off base ranting (it’s amazing that some people can function with no rational thoughts).  She referred to a comment that was made to B from D.  In short, although it was an entire conversation between the two of them, that the order of the household is “God, husband, wife, kids.”  B didn’t like this, and even took it up with 2 different counselors who informed her that indeed, it was biblical.  Apparently that wasn’t enough, because she talked about it with her mother also, who saw the chance to try to use that against D.

The ex feels that there is an exception to this “rule” – which isn’t truly a rule, and honestly there is not one verse in the Bible that says “God, husband, wife, kids.”  There are verses that outline this order and we’re going to check those out in a minute.  Back to the ex, she feels that the exception (because right now it fits her case that D is not a good father) is a remarriage.  As in, now that B is the biological, first child in my and D’s relationship, SHE should come before me (the third wife).  Lest we forget that the ex herself was a step-mom to B, and had she not come first in her marriage, it wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did.  However, she herself has no desire to realize this fact.   Instead, she’s going to harp on how our marriage and family set up is not in line with the Bible.   Knowing who she is, and seeing her in action, I really have a hard time taking biblical advice from this woman, but I did as I should have and took it as an opportunity to get my Bible knowledge on…sorry, I need humor right now.

So, as part of my lifelong, never-ending quest to prove people wrong learn new things, we’re going to explore.

We’ll start with the basics:

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)

24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Matthew 19:6 (KJV)

6Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

When a man and a woman marry, he (and she) obviously leaves his parents and becomes his own family, with his new wife, they are now joined.  Equal, in God’s eyes as a unit.  They are to be family to each other, and one.  Without going too far in to this verse, it is clear the unit that is now created.  As children growing up, we are to obey our father and mother, once we “leave” that family unit and are joined to another, our new responsibility is to our spouse.  We are not to discard the relationships and responsibilities to our parents (as parents grow older it is our job to care for and provide for them, and as their children we should always heed advice and respect their view), rather we are to put FIRST the marriage.  Most marriages start without children, however it is understood that with or without children the unit of husband and wife cannot stand strong, function, thrive, or create a foundation to raise children in if it is not a complete and healthy unit that can stand on its own and be strong for those that are in it and those that come along as a result of it.  In that statement we can clearly see the importance and reason for the “unit” and the responsibility of the marriage (vows).

As for the “this applies to the covenant/first marriage” people, I do not want to get into a “divorce is not allowed” type discussion.  I will disagree with you all day long, and can and will back it up.  This post is not about that.  In short, my view on divorce is that it is HIGHLY discouraged, and not biblical in most cases.  However, it is divorce that is not approved by God, not those that have chosen divorce, or had to endure one for reasons that most of the world should butt out of!  None of us are perfect, and those that portray that they are perfect are usually just trying to divert attention from the weeds in their own garden.  I give you this as part of my argument and then we’ll move on:

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 describes a woman who has been divorced because of “uncleanness” (v.1). The Bible says that when she remarries, she “becomes another man’s wife” (v.2). Thus, the Bible acknowledges that the two became husband and wife in covenant marriage, even though it was her second marriage.

We’re married…now what? Babies!!!!!!! Or in our case, we’re married, now we have “our” kids.  Blended families are a special thing.  They are especially hard, different, trying, fun and lots of work.  No matter how or when our base unit is started, or who is in it now, it is still the foundation of the family, blended, or first time.  We can turn to our Bible to see what God says about this new addition to the original (base) unit.

Ephesians 6:1-3 (KJV)

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

2Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;

3That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

So, we know that to have children we need two people preferably a husband/wife unit as God outlines, and once that unit is here, we have children who are commanded to obey your parents.  It doesn’t say “obey your biological parents only” or “obey the parent you feel is on your side.”  It says parents.  A child (or ex) can’t pick and choose which verses are ok to suit their case.  NO, there is no exception, it is the RULE.  Children obey (all) parents.  Biological, step, adoptive, right, wrong, mean, nice, out of state – PARENTS.  It warns that you want to do this so you may live long on the earth.  If we take that into consideration for what it really says we can use the example that if your mother tells you not to go in the street without looking both ways, and you do so, you could get hit by a car.  Harsh? Yes.  Truthful?  Very. It also means in a figurative way in that you will live long because of the wisdom and protection of your parents.

As I mentioned there is not a specific verse that gives us this order of God, husband, wife, children.  Yet by using our brains and reading we can see it clearly outlined and understand the reasoning.

With all of that said there are obvious deviations and limits to what we must attend to first.  I wrote this assuming that we are adults and have common sense.  Each child has needs, and as parents our first duty is to protect and love our children, to teach them, raise them, and discipline them.   I am in no way suggesting that children are not to be cared for.  Obviously if your child is bleeding outside and needs you, and your husband would like a glass of water while you’re in the kitchen – you can let him know it’ll be a minute because your child is hurt.  We aren’t talking about neglect here.  I am speaking on behalf of the emotional, love, bond, nurturing of the spousal relationship and its needs over what a child thinks they need.

Teenagers (and toddlers) are worst at feeling that their wants and needs trump everything.   This is where our issue began and the discussion itself started.  B felt that she was no longer the focus of EVERYTHING her dad did, and suggested that since she was his bio-kid, she should be first in his life.  Now, yes, she should hold a special place, and she should be afforded HER time with him.  We gave her that opportunity, and she, on many occasions, refused to take her alone time or cut that short because she wasn’t in the mood, or he wasn’t spending money on her.  However, she still felt that he should be at her beck and call, wallet in hand.  The fact that dad had moved on and remarried, and has someone to keep him company while B is with her mom does not sit well.  B would rather he be lonely and ready to tend to her wants.   Teenagers are very selfish, and if allowed will just keep taking.  Ask any parent and they’ll tell you that they struggle with teaching that it’s not “all about me!” (we’ve all seen the t-shirts).  If you don’t have the foundation and strong relationship of the husband/wife, then in any family with kids, especially in a blended family you’re in deep trouble.

In our family, our bond, which was strong before we got married, was solid.  It is more solid now after dealing with ex’s and our new family.  Had we deviated from God’s plan for marriage at all, I don’t know where we’d be.  I am proud and thankful that my marriage is strong, and getting stronger with every trial we go through.  I strongly believe that there are people and things that want us as a new family to fail and they are well on their way to being disappointed because of our love for God, and our love for each other.

I’m in no way “done” with thoughts on our ordeals with B and the ex…rather I’m trying to work through them without being bitter or naming names on here.  I’d really love to write a letter to the ex and inform her of some things she doesn’t know (since she won’t look at me or speak to me).  However, I am standing my ground quietly and supporting D because he doesn’t need more drama, he needs love and to know that he is free to do what he feels necessary for B.

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Seems like most of my posts have a hint of the message that everything happens for a reason.  Where we are, where we’ve been, where we are heading, whether we know it or not, like it or not, or accept it or not, it all happens for a reason.

On Father’s Day, I wanted to say something about Big Daddy and let the world know how amazing he is.  As I usually am at the beginning of a post I don’t know where to start, there’s just too much to say about him.  He’s important to so many people (and pets) that words just aren’t enough.

I’m in love.

Getting together as a couple with children of our own, from previous marriages, produces enough challenges on it’s own.  Add in ex’s, teenage years, children making new people and your first year of marriage and you qualify for sainthood.   I try to exude an air of confidence, pulled-togetherness, and overall calm happy…I fail miserably.  D on the other hand, does all of it and even gets me to buy it.  In our talks I recognize when he is stressed, and down, or having a rough time, but as the husband and father figure of this crew he has been more than I knew a man should be.  He has led, taught, loved, laughed, disciplined, and remained constant to who he presented himself to be when we got together.  I am proud and happy to have chosen him as my husband and as a parental figure to my/now our children.

J and D

Never too old to love on Daddy!

Even the dogs are daddy’s girls.

As a parent myself, I have not been, or ever claimed to be perfect.  Where my kids are in life is a direct result of decisions I’ve made.  However, where they are headed is a direct result of what a strong family, good parents and a good Christian man can lead his family to.   Raising children is never easy, and never goes exactly as planned.  Along the way there are people that aren’t who you thought they were, you are sometimes not who you need to be, children make decisions against everything you’ve instilled in them, yet still, we as parents are commanded to train up a child in the way he should go.  This cannot be achieved without parents and especially a father who is under the command of God.

Hard to talk back when he can pick you up like this.

On Father’s Day I want single out my children, who are truly ours, however I want D to know that I appreciate the man God put in my life and in the lives of my children.  I want to thank him for being who God wants him to be, and thereby being who I need him to be and who my children need him to be.   I’m proud that my children, of their own accord, call you Dad and Daddy!

Good pops let you pull their beard.

Her smile says it all!

I want to mention, as hard as it is, that sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to.  We lose people for periods of time, that should be with us, and we don’t understand why things happen.  As we are going on month 6 of no contact with D’s daughter, it’s hard to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason.  My heart breaks to know that he is such a wonderful father, yet his own child is not around to benefit from all he has to offer.  I sit here both happy that my daughter is off visiting her dad, and sad that I miss her for the month she is gone, yet I get to talk to her each day and she is coming back.   It’s both comforting to me that D has our other children, grandchildren and even an amazing nephew that all need him and want him to be a huge part of their lives.  We have talked about this and feel that part of our union was to prepare and help D through this phase of his relationship with B.  It’s just hard to remember that on days like today.

D and B

I love you with all of my heart, you are the best husband, father, brother, uncle and grandfather we could ever dream of.

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Read an awesome post just now, it’s not how I feel, but most of us at some point in life can or have related to this.

 

Got to have faith’s letter to my family.

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Hola…it’s been a little while since I did one of these.   After trick or treating tonight, J and C came in and were discussing their loot, we had to fill Big Daddy in on the past and the candy wars.  My children were actually yelled at and their candy was taken from them by my ex…yes, a grown man taking the kids candy, and getting mad if they hid it from him (since they knew his M.O.) and told him no.  I kid you not.  I was going to blog about that, but I don’t want to paint him out to be the ass he was, or devote that much time to him.  So, I read this question and decided it was proper for tonight.

I’m torn on this one, between being honest on paper (blog post) and just letting it go without mention.  It seems that even if I’m not comfortable enough to “air my dirty laundry” that it at least makes me think to myself and face what it is I’m mulling through my head when one of these questions asks something that I’d rather not talk about.  So, with that, I’ll be as vague as possible.  I also don’t really feel the need to relive this kinda crap, or mull it over, I don’t want to waste time think about the past.  No good will come from me rehashing what an ass he was (even though it’s fun sometimes to point out how much of an ass he was/is).

Who baked that pie?

It’s hard to actually admit when you are in the middle of something how bad it is,  we are (or should be) programmed to run as far away as possible.  However, most of us, women and men, in relationships, tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, make excuses, or be a martyr for “the greater good.”  When the greater good is a marriage many things can be overlooked, or forgiven, or “evened out” (he does ____, but he’s a hard worker) to make it seem like things aren’t where they are…which is in the shitter (sorry there’s no eloquent way to put that).  Problem is, he’s made the commitment to you to be a husband, to love, honor, cherish, provide, nurture and protect you – when did his job/income earn the right to have more respect and care than you?  I’m getting off track.  It’s not about the job, or the respect of the job, that’s just a little piece of the BS pie you’re being served.  His argument – “who cares if I don’t treat you right, I make great money, and hold a job, and bought you a great house, now shut up and bring me a drink.”  Better be careful lest you get a special drink one day.

So, yes, to answer the question, someone has made my life hell, treated me like shit, treated me like no one deserves to be treated.  I wasn’t beat, or hit, never anything done to me where I was in danger physically.  Emotionally, you don’t realize how bad off you are until you get away from those that put you down, control you, and don’t have your best interests in mind.

Big Daddy and his girls

On a side-note to this question, I would not be where I am had this person not treated me like crap, and played it out to the point that made me say enough is enough.  For that, I’d live it a million times over to get to where I am now.  Not that I want to return, but if I knew through that BS what was waiting for me on the other side, I would have thanked God a lot sooner for bringing me through it.  I would have thanked him while I was dealing with it.  We never know where the journey ends (or begins in my case), but we should always trust that it’s a better place and God knows much more about what he’s doing than we do.

To him:  thanks for being an asshole, the truth of your words, thoughts, actions and heart proved what you were worth…your money couldn’t purchase the amazing love and life I have now.

~Mel

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