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Posts Tagged ‘grandparent’

Another Father’s Day and an opportunity to appreciate those that have raised us, loved us and provided for us, and continue to do so.  I am thankful to have some amazing men in my life, all with their own ways of loving the children they are fathers to.

My son is young, he (much like me) got a jump on parenting and began in his late teens.  I don’t think for a minute that he was ready or had a clue how much stress and love would be involved in having children at any age, much less as a teenager.  You always try to prepare your kids for things you’ve been through, and pray that they heed the warning that it was hard, or it sucked at times.  Even with those descriptions, they know the love you have for them and have shown them through those times, and that they made it through all your bad parenting decisions, and they don’t see it as such a bad thing.  I don’t view any of being a teenage parent as a “mistake” – it’s simply something beautiful done at the wrong time for most people.  We aren’t ready at that age, we don’t know everything we should, and we have no desire to listen to those that do know what we should do.  We are still children ourselves.  Through that, I raised an amazing son, and my amazing son, is raising his sons with the same love and trial and error I did.  He has learned a lot in the 2 years he has been a daddy, and as he makes choices and learns the consequences of them, he is learning that I was right…it’s not easy, but it is totally worth it.  It’s hard to watch him flounder and do things totally different than I would, just as I’m sure it was for my mom, but I am very proud of him, and the choice he has made to stand up and take responsibility for the children God has placed in his life.

I’ve never had a father in law like D’s dad.  It was a bit scary coming into a family with a preacher as your new father in law.  While we were dating, D’s parents came to Georgia while D stayed in North Carolina for work.  I vaguely remembered them from around school and church when we were little, but past that, there was no relationship and I had no idea “how” they were.  D assured me that they would love me, but I was still so scared to have them come visit me without him present.  So nervous, that before they came to visit, I changed my blue nail polish because I didn’t want his mother to think anything odd of me.  I had enough to offer without blue nails though…let’s see, 2 divorces – check, teenage son with a kid on the way – check, making his son drive 2 states away to date me – check…yeah, not good.  Except, it was.  In fact, I’ve learned from the entire family, that there is nothing that surprises them or takes them out of their comfort zone.  No family is perfect, and my imperfect background was nothing of consequence to him (or them).  His only requirement and concern about me was that I love Jesus and am a Christian, and that I love his son unconditionally and without reservation.  I am proud to be a part of his family and even more thankful that my husband had such a strong example of what a man is to teach him how to love and protect me, and how to love and raise our children.

My dad and I have something different than most people.  I don’t remember lots of the details of when my parents divorced.  I know things now that my mom has told me, or my sister, or that my dad has eluded to that he is not proud of having done.  I still don’t have a clear bone to pick with him since I didn’t have those feelings of anger/betrayal at the time things occurred.  I have held resentment for what he put my mother, my sister and me through later in life because of his decisions, and for not sticking to his pledge to love, honor, and cherish my mom.  However, we all make mistakes, sometimes they are small and just annoying bumps in the road, and sometimes they will forever effect our lives and the lives of those around us.  I can’t say that I’ve forgotten all the things I know about what happened, but I do forgive him, and now that he is willing to know about me and my life and I am witnessing him make an effort to be involved and talk to me, I find it much easier to have conversations with him without feeling like it’s just a formality.  My dad has had health issues lately, and after losing my mom, I don’t want to lose him and regret not being adult enough to move past any hurt feelings I have in order to show him love that we all deserve.  He is not perfect, but he made four amazing daughters who love him more than he probably realizes.

Last year on Father’s Day I talked about how amazing D is.  As the father figure in our children’s daily lives, he consistently loves, raises, cares for and does everything in his power to ensure that the children we have are aware of his love, and the expectations of them on their behavior and actions while learning and growing up.  It’s pretty hard to be a father to a child that chooses to walk a path that is not in line with how a child should be raised, but even through that hardship he has taken on 2 children that are not his biologically and treated them as his own.  He is under no requirement to be a parent to my children, however he does it happily, with grace and strength, and with God’s love and guidance on a daily basis.   It has allowed them to bloom, grow and learn to be comfortable with the man they have in their daily lives by trusting him, and knowing that he loves them when they are wrong and loves them when they are right.  There is nothing more special to a mother than having a man, that treats their children as they should be treated.  My life is much easier, smoother, and happier having a man that loves his family as selflessly as he does.

Happy Father’s Day to you all, you are all greatly and deeply loved!

What Makes A Dad

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Seems like most of my posts have a hint of the message that everything happens for a reason.  Where we are, where we’ve been, where we are heading, whether we know it or not, like it or not, or accept it or not, it all happens for a reason.

On Father’s Day, I wanted to say something about Big Daddy and let the world know how amazing he is.  As I usually am at the beginning of a post I don’t know where to start, there’s just too much to say about him.  He’s important to so many people (and pets) that words just aren’t enough.

I’m in love.

Getting together as a couple with children of our own, from previous marriages, produces enough challenges on it’s own.  Add in ex’s, teenage years, children making new people and your first year of marriage and you qualify for sainthood.   I try to exude an air of confidence, pulled-togetherness, and overall calm happy…I fail miserably.  D on the other hand, does all of it and even gets me to buy it.  In our talks I recognize when he is stressed, and down, or having a rough time, but as the husband and father figure of this crew he has been more than I knew a man should be.  He has led, taught, loved, laughed, disciplined, and remained constant to who he presented himself to be when we got together.  I am proud and happy to have chosen him as my husband and as a parental figure to my/now our children.

J and D

Never too old to love on Daddy!

Even the dogs are daddy’s girls.

As a parent myself, I have not been, or ever claimed to be perfect.  Where my kids are in life is a direct result of decisions I’ve made.  However, where they are headed is a direct result of what a strong family, good parents and a good Christian man can lead his family to.   Raising children is never easy, and never goes exactly as planned.  Along the way there are people that aren’t who you thought they were, you are sometimes not who you need to be, children make decisions against everything you’ve instilled in them, yet still, we as parents are commanded to train up a child in the way he should go.  This cannot be achieved without parents and especially a father who is under the command of God.

Hard to talk back when he can pick you up like this.

On Father’s Day I want single out my children, who are truly ours, however I want D to know that I appreciate the man God put in my life and in the lives of my children.  I want to thank him for being who God wants him to be, and thereby being who I need him to be and who my children need him to be.   I’m proud that my children, of their own accord, call you Dad and Daddy!

Good pops let you pull their beard.

Her smile says it all!

I want to mention, as hard as it is, that sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want it to.  We lose people for periods of time, that should be with us, and we don’t understand why things happen.  As we are going on month 6 of no contact with D’s daughter, it’s hard to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason.  My heart breaks to know that he is such a wonderful father, yet his own child is not around to benefit from all he has to offer.  I sit here both happy that my daughter is off visiting her dad, and sad that I miss her for the month she is gone, yet I get to talk to her each day and she is coming back.   It’s both comforting to me that D has our other children, grandchildren and even an amazing nephew that all need him and want him to be a huge part of their lives.  We have talked about this and feel that part of our union was to prepare and help D through this phase of his relationship with B.  It’s just hard to remember that on days like today.

D and B

I love you with all of my heart, you are the best husband, father, brother, uncle and grandfather we could ever dream of.

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It’s Tuesday night…and we all know what that means!!!!!!!

Yeah, that’s what I thought.  You don’t know nothin’!

See why tomorrow is gonna be a good day?

Tomorrow we get to see my new boy…and my old boy (he’s not old, just not all new baby smell)…and my new daughter (in law to be).  They are coming tomorrow to get set up, we have lots of places to see, and things to do.  Life gets serious when you have a baby at any age, but to do it as a teenager is no easy feat (I speak from experience).  It’s also never fun to move out of state, much less as a teenager and with a baby.  It’s also not fun to have to restart your life, or start in this case.  I am both excited and scared for them, but know that they will do well because they want to make it.   Nothing makes you MORE ready to be an adult than life slapping you in the face.   I look forward to many phone calls (pleas for help), they’re going to need all the support (emotional, physical, parenting, relationship, family, financial) they can get, and I want do to for them what was done for me.  My mother never had the financial means to do everything for us, but she did what she could and was always there for me.  I didn’t realize until I was much older how good she was.  I hope they realize how good they have it.

~Mel

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Don’t call us, we’ll call you…or not.

YAY!!!!!!! A fun one!

I hope to do lots of things:

  • travel somewhere tropical (with no kids)
  • feel confident that I’m doing all I can in my spiritual life
  • have my dad meet my kids (he’s already met C, but not J)
  • build a custom house
  • have a grandbaby
  • REALLY learn how to bake from scratch (I cheat sometimes)
  • finish all of my craft/hobby projects

Oops, they just asked for one.  Eh, who cares, it was quick and painless.

~Mel

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