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Posts Tagged ‘D’

Since this is my first blog in a while, I’m just going to write it.  I fully expect it to be jumbled and I just want to get it out.  It just feels good to write something.  I’m sorry if it hurts to read it, but welcome to my head!

If you haven’t read Hannah’s Birth Story, click here!

For years my answer to the question “do you want more kids” was “nope, I’m all done, we’re almost home free!”  Even before marrying Big Daddy I had resolved (and was quite happy) to be done and to having nothing but grandkids running underfoot.  I thought, for a long time, that my childbearing days were over, because I had not been on BC for over 10 years and not conceived.  Fast forward to the day we found out that we were pregnant with Hannah and the words “shock and awe” come to mind.  It’s easy now to (and I often do) look down at this angel sleeping on me and think “how did we ever live life without her?!”  That day, not so much.

She's a boob girl, 9 months and still EBF!

She’s a boob girl, 9 months and still EBF!

Pregnancy has never been a favorite thing for me.  With C, I was so young I didn’t really have anything going on and it seemed very quick and not really painful at all to be pregnant, and let’s face it, I was in much better physical shape.  Labor was a major pain (for 37 hours) and the C-section at the end was not fun.  We planned J’s pregnancy and the second I got pregnant I thought “what the hell was I thinking?!” Every moment of it sucked.  The knee pain, the extra weight, which really wasn’t bad at about 31 pounds, the all over uncomfortable-ness is just for the birds.  I had an easy labor and birth with her and was just thankful not to be pregnant any longer.  When it just didn’t work out that I had another pregnancy, it really wasn’t a big issue because I had no problems not being pregnant.  D had gotten a vasectomy after his first child was born, and during his previous marriage had it reversed to try for another child.  They never conceived, and a few months before we married, he was checked (by our family doctor) and told that he had a zero count…not.  So, we entered our marriage both thinking that our baby days were over, and just enjoying the occasional grandbaby coming over.  Just short of our 3 year anniversary we had been through some really trying months dealing with ex’s and court  for both of us.  I was stressed, he was stressed, life was not smooth sailing, but we were both happy, healthy and our marriage was better than ever.  We both got sick with a cold and were down for about 1 week, but I never quite recovered.  I remained tired, exhausted to the point that I was falling asleep sitting up!  I couldn’t eat much, my stomach was in knots and I was pretty pitiful.  After about 2 weeks of this we were sure I was just still sick with a cold and run down from the court deal and stress.  We spent a Sunday afternoon at his parent’s house, as we often do on the weekends, and while in the sunroom with 3 other people talking to me, I laid down and fell asleep…right there, mid conversation.  You remember how in school you just got that “I must close my eyes NOW” feeling?  That one.  I woke up to go to the restroom, and went and laid down on his mom’s bed!  Still tired, something was way off.  He decided to take me home, and on the way he stopped to get some things from the drug store to help me feel better.  We got home, I got changed and settled to lay down and he pulls out a pregnancy test.  He said “either your pregnant, or you’re going to the doctor because something is WRONG with you!”  I blew it off and said that there was no way I was pregnant and I didn’t have to pee.  Two hours later, I had to pee, and he came in to get me some more drinks and help me up to the bathroom.  I peed on the stick, he covered it and set it on the counter, and he turned around from it to get a washcloth.  By the time I could say to him “how long do we wait” – about 10 seconds had passed, and I looked down and it said “pregnant.”  My exact words were “you have GOT to be freaking kidding me.”  I’m not sure what his reaction was…because I was so shocked and freaking out.  I think he did the “I told you” laugh a few times, and he was smiling the entire time, while trying to calm me down and pull me back from tears and the edge.  Now that I think about it, I don’t think he had a clue how much I didn’t want to be pregnant again, ever.  He was thrilled:)

It’s blurry, but oh, so clear.

Since I don’t want Hannah growing up to think that I didn’t want her, let me make this clear.  I still stand by that reaction.  However, it is NOT the baby that was shocking or what I was reacting to, or that she was unwanted.  It was the realization that I was PREGNANT and would have to carry and birth a child again!  When I say “I hate being pregnant” it is a true and honest statement.  I had zero desire to be pregnant, at 37, my thoughts were not about the adorable baby we would have, but about the painful back, hips, morning sickness (all day, and carsickness I still have 9 months after her birth), leg pain, knee pain, anxiety, and the worst part…LABOR AND BIRTH!  I’m thankful that I’ve had 3 healthy pregnancies, and I’m even thankful that I had a miscarriage and was healthy through that, but pregnancy just isn’t for me.  D can attest to that, I am not a happy pregnant woman.  I’m not mean…but I’m certainly not happy.  Let’s move on, you get the point.

Finally showing at 13 weeks 2 days!

Finally showing at 13 weeks 2 days!

We were about 2 weeks out of a long court battle when we found out, the emotions were high still.  I was right at 9 weeks pregnant when we found out (we thought I was late due to stress).  After the first week of knowing we were pregnant, the shock had worn off, and excitement was setting in and offsetting the nausea!  Babies, cute clothes, names, a child that was part of both of us and did I say, a BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very proud big sister on Mothers Day!

Very proud big sister on Mothers Day!

Big sis was grossed out, shocked, weird-ed out, proud and so excited.  I’ll throw in here, that there is no better birth control for your teenager than to see you going through all the crap of pregnancy.  Food aversions, back pain, sleepless nights, utter fatigue, reading your online timeline of what a baby looks like (that’s kinda freaky), reading “what to expect when you’re expecting,” going to all your doctor visits, and seeing the list of all the things that can go wrong, yeah, that’s great BC.  It seals the deal when they are standing next to your head while you push the baby out.  Back in pregnancy land, we were pretty excited, and life was great.  This pregnancy turned out to suck as far as being uncomfortable goes…just like I thought it would, but those things that sucked were balanced out by all the great things that make people have more than one child.  What didn’t suck, what turned out to be the best part, was that I grew our baby girl, and during that time, I learned that I can do lots of things I didn’t think I could, or that I didn’t want to, and I can be happy through them, enjoy them, find the good, and it actually turns out to be pretty awesome.  I needed that for my own good, and we needed that as a couple.  It was a rough decade before Hannah for us mentally and emotionally.

Here’s a quick trip down pregnancy memory lane…in pictures.  I didn’t think it then, but now I think I was adorable, as did D.  I looked great for feeling so crappy!

14.6-1 20.5 18.30.32 27-33 19 - 35 same dress 36.5.2

Not knowing that J was my last baby, at the time she was my baby, didn’t afford me the ohhh and ahhh moments when she did EVERYTHING.  Don’t hear that wrong, she was adorable, loved, she was “spoiled” with attention and everything she did was the most adorable thing you ever saw.  I remember and recall her walking, or videos and pictures of her firsts, and her big moments, same with my son, C.  It’s different with Hannah though, those moments are still adorable, but because I KNOW she is my last baby that I will birth they seem to have an ability to make me stop and actually note them and enjoy them more/longer.  Until I had her and had all those moments over again, I didn’t know I missed them, or that I longed for them and to enjoy them.  It’s different now than it was when either of my other kids were little, we have cameras and videos of everything now, not just Hannah, but everything.  I honestly think I have (more than) one pic for every day of her life so far.  I’m not sure if that’s last baby syndrome or just a sign of the technological times.  What I do know is that I want to remember, and I am happy and sad each time she hits a new “thing” and it reminds me of both of my older kids and how fast time flies.   I’m thankful that the season of pregnancy and birth is done, and I look forward to more babies one day, whether that is foster/adopted or more grandkids.  I’d have a million kids if I don’t have to be pregnant with them!

J on the left, Hannah on the right

J on the left, Hannah on the right

J as a baby and big brother C

J as a baby and big brother C

Our children have been a blessing to both of us.  We are proud of each of them, and in the ways they learn and grow daily. D has taken on a huge role for C and J by being their dad in every way, and that’s something he and both kids needed and deserved.  While she is no more “special” than any of our children, and there was no void to fill, Hannah is everything we never knew we needed, wanted and were lacking in our lives as a family.  She has truly blended our family into a whole unit.   God really does know what he’s doing!

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Life is good!

~Mel

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For more information click here VBAC & CS Links

A little background:

My son, Cody, is 20 years old now and was born after I was induced with pitocin (without being thinned or dilated) at 42 weeks pregnant.  At 17, I didn’t know any better or know to question my doctors and the things being done to me.  There were 35 hours of labor total and an epidural, and then when I was told his heartrate was decreasing with each push, they suggested a C-section.  We know now that it’s quite normal to have a decel in heartrate with an epidural and that much labor, however, hindsight is 20/20.

Before Jasmine came along I had a pregnancy that made it to 14 weeks before I had some cramping and bleeding and ended up losing the baby.  This was quite hard and really scary since we had seen the heartbeat and had multiple ultrasounds and every thing seemed fine.

Jasmine, our baby of the family (until Hannah came) is going to be 16 in a month!  She was born when I was 21, labor started all on it’s own 3 days before her due date.  At 8 am, I started having back labor and contractions, got to the hospital and had an immediate epidural and by 4 pm, she arrived via VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) with forceps.  Although her pregnancy had no issues and her labor was a breeze I was absolutely positive that I never wanted to be pregnant again.  I can handle having more kids…just never wanted to have to go through pregnancy or labor again.

Hannah was my 4th pregnancy, we were positive that our best option would again be a VBAC.  Even though my “age” and the fact that it had been 15 years since we had a successful VBAC was a bit offputting to some, our doctor was amazing and said that if it were his wife, he would insist on a VBAC unless there were obvious issues, and then we would consider induction first.

At 37 years old you get slapped with “advanced maternal age” as a reminder that you’re no spring chicken.  After this whole ordeal I am thankful to God that my body did exactly what it was supposed to do for our entire pregnancy and labor.  It is quite scary to be told by every book/article that your body is old and might not work right.  Now, if my body would cooperate and work well on 1.5 hour at a time sleep sessions we’ll be in business!

Our original due date, according to our doctor and calculations, was October 31/November 1, however, by measurement on early ultrasounds we were moved back to November 9.  We were convinced that the first due date was correct.

39 weeks 6 days!

39 weeks 6 days!

October 31, 2013

2:00 AM – David was having one of his insomnia nights, and I was in bed trying to sleep.  I woke up to go to the bathroom and my back was hurting pretty bad.  I called downstairs and asked him to come up and massage it as he had been doing for most of my pregnancy when it hurt…pretty much every night.  I fell asleep, and then he followed.  Sometime during the next few hours I began to have contractions in both my back and my stomach, alternating.

6:00 AM – Contractions were strong enough to wake me up completely and I began timing them and texting my sister to let her know and ask her some questions.  We timed contractions and talked for an hour, and after having some good, strong ones where I had to breathe through them, I woke David up.  We kept timing and with contractions from 7-10 minutes apart, we finally called the doctor at 8:00 AM to see if we should go to his office or to L&D to get checked out.  We were instructed  to head to the hospital to get evaluated.  Gege and Pawpaw came over and took Jasmine to school, and we went to be seen.

8:30 AM – Contractions only showed up twice in the 1.5 hours I was monitored, and we agreed to have a cervical check since the contractions at home were consistent.  I was dilated to 3 cm and 70% effaced.  We were released at 10:30 AM and instructed to go home, rest, eat, relax and return when contractions were 5 minutes apart, or if my water broke, or when I could not breathe and deal with contractions.

7:00 PM – We spent the day resting, eating and timing contractions that slowed and then returned.  Again, they were 7-9 minutes apart, and after about 3 hours of that I was having to breathe and very uncomfortable (I didn’t realize it then, but I clearly was NOT in active labor…even though they did hurt).  We decided that rather than going to bed only to get up or to have to rush to the hospital we would go back in and get checked to see if these contractions had dilated me any further.  My concern was that the contractions would kick in and dilate me and we would be stuck at home or driving furiously to get to the hospital in time.

9:30 PM – Hooked up to monitors again and within 1 hour had 6 contractions, they were alternating from back labor to regular contractions and the back ones did not show up on the monitor.  Hannah was tolerating everything well, as was I, and when checked after  19 hours of contractions and back labor.  I was still 3 cm and 70%…and upset.  We left and headed home after being instructed to “get some sleep.”

November 1, 2013

12:45 AM – Home finally, Jasmine went to bed and we laid down.  David fell asleep easily and according to him I moaned and whined all night.  It was not comfortable or even reasonable to expect me to sleep.

5:00 AM – I had slept about 1 hour total between contractions every 7-10 minutes.  They had gotten to the point that I was breathing, moaning, crying, moving trying to get in a non-painful position.  I woke David up and he was at a loss of what to do, but we both agreed that things were worse/different.  We decided to wait until 8 am to call Dr. Harris’ office (which is 1 mile from our home) and try to get in there first thing to get checked rather than drive to the hospital again to be told to go home.  Jasmine was up at 7 am because of my moaning even though she didn’t have school!  She was trying to help me breathe while I was in pain.  We called the doctor at 8, they told us to come in at 8:45, and we called Gege to come over and stay with Jasmine.

8:30 AM – Arrived at Dr. Harris’ office, and had to wait in the waiting room for 15 minutes.  It was funny to both David and I because I was having contractions about every 5 minutes now, and they were intense.  I had to breath through them, moan, I cried through one, and he was rubbing my back/hips while I leaned on the wall in the waiting room.  All of which would not have been funny had the waiting room not been only men who clearly were concerned for me!  One guy told the nurse “you can take her back before me, she’s struggling…hard. She’s really not doing well.”  Another went and found a box of tissue and brought it to David because there wasn’t one in the waiting room and I was crying.  I think they all felt so bad for me, and all women!

8:45 AM – We were put in one of Dr. Harris’ exam rooms and I tried to relax and be comfortable on that tiny table, I was so tired, but couldn’t sleep through contractions.  I was moaning and breathing through them all, and David would rub my back, I was not breathing quite right and was getting the shooting stars from being out of breath…that sucked.  After an HOUR Dr. Harris walked in while I was having a contraction and said “is the next sound I’m going to hear a baby crying?”  I said, “yes, if you don’t send me to the hospital it will be.”  He immediately checked me and said I was 5 CM and we could go straight to L&D and get a room and an epidural!  We headed back to the house to get Jasmine and mom and went straight to the hospital!

10:30 AM – Got to L&D and had to check in for the 3rd time.  I was listening to music to try to help and it worked in the car, but things picked up again and by the time I was standing to check in I couldn’t sign my name on the papers because of the pain.  We got taken to a room right away, and from there it was clothes off, in bed, monitors and lots of questions and bloodwork.  Three blown veins on one arm and my nurse had to put my IV in finally (she rocked).  We had to wait for an hour for the bloodwork to come back before they could get my epidural ordered and in.  David and Jasmine ate some breakfast while I was still trying to breathe through contractions, and not enjoying it.

11:30  AM – They said that the anesthetist was “busy” in another procedure so I’d have to wait.  Totally sucked.  By this time contractions were about 3 minutes apart, and both back and normal contractions.  I was not very happy, but there wasn’t much I could do but try to breathe and wait it out.  Jasmine, David and Judi took turns rubbing my head, arms, holding my hand and feeding me lots of ice chips since my throat was SO dry!  Oh, and chapstick, had to have that.

12:30 PM – My nurse, Lisa, said that everyone had to leave for the epidural, which freaked me out, but I had no choice and I was in pain so everyone had to go.  Remember, this is almost 4 hours after being 5 cm and being told by Dr. Harris I could have an epidural! The Dr. came in and read me all the side effects of the epidural, which are all scary and totally not something you should focus on or listen to when they do it (why they read that to you at that moment is beyond me, it is not relaxing or helpful to labor).  Then Lisa sat me up and had me lean over and she held my shoulders while I relaxed my head and neck and bent as far as possible.  I kept feeling faint and like I was about to fall out, mainly from pain, and being scared of the epidural, and not having anyone in there with me.  She kept telling me that my bp was good, baby was good, and waving alcohol pads in front of me.  The Dr. got the needle in after about 5 minutes, but couldn’t get the catheter to thread – it took her 3 tries with 3 caths.  All of which I felt in my spine, which is really freaky.  She said “I may not be able to get this” to which Lisa said “you will get this for her.”  After 15 minutes of trying she got it in, and did a test dose, I was told to let them know if I felt weird, or pressure or anything…I felt my ears and head kinda squeeze, almost like when you go underwater or when you have an ear infection and can hear yourself talk.  They both looked at each other like “oh crap.”  That passed and she got one dose of epidural meds in and it started to take, then Lisa laid me down and let everyone back in.  My epidural finally took totally by 1:15 pm.  I was checked again and was 8.5 CM dilated right after she laid me down!  So essentially I made it to about 8.5 CM with no meds, which was not fun.  My epidural was more like when your legs are asleep – not fully numb, but tingly and not painful, and my right leg was TOTALLY numb, I couldn’t move it at all.

While I was getting meds, David was a tad worried:)

Jasmine also used the time that I was getting medicine to ask for some prayers.

Jasmine also used the time that I was getting medicine to ask for some prayers.

1:40 PM – Lisa checked again and I still had a small “lip” on my cervix, so she had me do some pushing to help bring Hannah down and dilate me to 10 cm.  In about 3 pushes I was 10 cm and we were ready to go.  She was pretty impressed with my pushing (weird), but that proved to be a good thing since I wanted Hannah OUT!  Lisa called Dr. Harris, who was sitting right outside my labor room, and told him it was pushing time.  He came in, broke my water and Lisa’s face dropped.  There was meconium in the water, and she thought there was also some blood.  Her concern was that I was  VBAC and if there was blood it could have been due to a uterine rupture.  David picked up on her concern, and heard Dr. Harris tell her “we’re ok, it’s fine.”  To which David replied to both of them “she damn well better be ok.”  A few days after Hannah’s birth, Lisa and David both admitted that this was the only time they were majorly concerned about me and Hannah.  I had no idea they were both worried since they were all cool and calm the whole time.

1:55 PM – Legs up to my head, hands behind my knees and only a sheet covering me, it was time to push (and leave all modesty behind)!!!!!!  Jasmine and David were on my left, Jasmine was by my head holding it up as I pushed, David had one hand under my back as I pushed and was also holding my leg with me.  Judi was on my right and had her arm behind my shoulder.  I pushed for about 15 minutes and looked down to Dr. Harris who was not ready yet.  I said “you better get ready, I’m pushing her out now.”  As she crowned I felt it on my left side, not painful, but I felt the pressure and it wasn’t pleasant.  David decided he was going to watch, which was not our plan, but that all went out the window as he was so excited and ready for Hannah to be here!

2:15 PM – Hannah Grace, our unexpected, perfect, beautiful blessing was born, weighing 7 pounds and 1.5 ounces and measuring 20.5 inches long!

Hannah is here (and came out crying)!

Hannah is here (and came out crying)!

IMAG3505

Where am I???!!!

Booboo lip

Booboo lip

We welcomed Hannah with tears of joy and family surrounding her.  She was placed on my chest and Jasmine took pictures while David cut the cord (which he also wasn’t going to do).  Hannah was a little goey and needed to be cleaned up and checked because of the water, so Jasmine went over to look at her and take pictures while I was fixed up, David remained by me to make sure I was doing well while the doctor finished up.  We all got to hold her within minutes and remained in the room for another hour to let her eat and get some skin to skin time.

7 pounds 1.5 ounces

7 pounds 1.5 ounces

Footprints

Footprints

Swollen, but cute.

Swollen, but cute.

Our baby girl!

Our baby girl!

Daddy is toast

Daddy is toast

Jasmine and Hannah, our babies!

Jasmine and Hannah, our babies!

Love this!

Love this!

My loves!

My loves!

Hot...

Hot…

Yum!

Yum!

hannah blog 3

Jasmine’s FB status 1

hannah blog 5

Jasmine’s FB status 2

hannah blog 4

Jasmine’s FB status 3

One Week Old

One Week Old

~Mel

A husband/daddy’s point of view:

After 48hrs plus of Mel being in horrible pain, I was ready for her to have a reprieve. Honestly it was killing me seeing her in so much pain and knowing I was at least partially to blame…although she was there for the decision making!

The back and forth to the hospital was a little annoying because the nursing staff knew she wasn’t ready, but she was MORE than ready to have this baby. She was just so exhausted and wanted things to be happening and so did I. Now, I am always one to err on the side of caution and it had been almost twenty years since either of us had a child so I would have made 100 trips to make sure everything was alright and both she and the baby were fine. The nurses were sweet but I wanted a bit more sympathy for her than I saw.

When it was time, we both knew and there was zero doubt in our minds that Hannah was on her way into the world. I could have killed Dr. Harris for taking so long to see her once we arrived in his office. Watching and being helpless is truly torture when the one you love most is hurting so badly. I’m not a violent man, but if he wasn’t the one delivering the baby, he would have needed a doctor himself. Of course I had to play it cool for her and be Mr. Level Head as any good husband should in any crisis.

I was so relieved that we were headed to the hospital and she could get some relief! Unfortunately it took much longer than either of us expected and they gave me the boot as hospitals seems to have a habit of doing. Melissa and I spend 24/7 together (how it took so long for her to get pregnant I will never know), and it really does bother us when others tell us we have to be apart for no good reason. I worry and hate not being there for her, especially when she was in so much pain. I have bragged how my wife is a badass several times since having Hannah. I have broken everything there is to break and seen some things, but she handled birth like a champ. She forever has my respect as most people would not have been nearly as strong or graceful through it all.

Things moved really fast once I was allowed back in the room. It was maybe an hour, if that long before it was truly TIME. I was present for the birth of my daughter Brianna, but promised myself that I would be more than just present and in the room for both Melissa as well as Hannah. I’m much older now and much more aware. Honestly I was much more worried this time. I know all the stats, and have seen all manner of medical emergencies. My former career forced me to see and assist in some pretty gruesome stuff. I was scared for her.

When the doctor broke her water, Lisa’s body language changed completely and Dr. Harris had a moment of pause. I had some idea of why, but not completely. What I did know is that Melissa couldn’t see me worried. I do remember saying “She damn well better be alright or I will hunt you both down,” and they both knew I was serious even though I said it lightheartedly for her sake. From that time it was literally a few pushes and Hannah was here!

There was a buzz of movement around Hannah, but I refused to leave Melissa’s side until some time had passed and I knew she was in the clear. That turned out to be after we were moved to a private room. She was perfectly fine pretty soon thereafter, however I was still shaken.

The advice that I would give to fathers or husbands is truly be there in the moment. Take it all in and participate as much as possible. It really is a life changing experience if you allow it to be. You’ll only love your wife more. Believe me guys it hasn’t caused any issues in the desire department…

David

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There’s a special occasion today, and for one day, I’m going to open up a bit about what it is I/we do…read on.

I have known, for years now, that my husband is amazing.   I have even blogged about it on a few occasions.  The times that I find myself thinking what a great husband and man he is are far more than the times I question his actions or intentions.  I’m not trying to imply that he’s perfect, as we all have our moments, but more often than not, to me, he is.

I don’t discuss business on here, but for those that don’t know, we work together from home.  It’s been a lifesaver when children are sick, or there are school functions, or when you just don’t feel like going to “work.”  For us it has blessed our marriage by allowing us to truly get to know each other and bond.  That bond translates to better parenting, better family ties, us being happier, and has allowed us to make a stronger team against outside forces.  We all face stress, trials, and attacks from the outside world and un-Godly forces, and the ability to be confident in your partner and know you have someone that has your back is the best gift you can give yourself and your spouse.  We often get questions ranging from “how do you spend ALL DAY together” to “do you really enjoy being around each other that much?”  The answer is the same from either of us…yes, most certainly.   My business partner respects me, backs me up with tough clients, steps in when I’ve had enough of someone, and is amazing in his work ethic and ability to land clients.   There is no one I’d rather spend all day with.

So, with that preface, I’m proud to announce that D has become a weekly blogger on a Christian website!  I am proud of him for being a provider and I’m proud that others view him as the strong business man, and man of God he is.  You will quickly see, in his writing, that he has a gift for words and conveying a message that hits home.  Please share it as we want him to have the opportunity to be a blessing to as many people as we can reach.  There is always the possibility that there are business minded people that want information, and if it’s presented in a Christlike manner two efforts can be accomplished in one manner.  The Christian Work At Home Ministries site is a great tool for learning about building business, working from home, and glorifying God in our lives.

So, with that introduction, please check him out at the link below, and be sure to follow us on Facebook and check back weekly at either link for his business blog entries!

Love those eyes…Oh, sorry. Serious marketing pic here.

Click here for his first post – What brought me home!

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Another Father’s Day and an opportunity to appreciate those that have raised us, loved us and provided for us, and continue to do so.  I am thankful to have some amazing men in my life, all with their own ways of loving the children they are fathers to.

My son is young, he (much like me) got a jump on parenting and began in his late teens.  I don’t think for a minute that he was ready or had a clue how much stress and love would be involved in having children at any age, much less as a teenager.  You always try to prepare your kids for things you’ve been through, and pray that they heed the warning that it was hard, or it sucked at times.  Even with those descriptions, they know the love you have for them and have shown them through those times, and that they made it through all your bad parenting decisions, and they don’t see it as such a bad thing.  I don’t view any of being a teenage parent as a “mistake” – it’s simply something beautiful done at the wrong time for most people.  We aren’t ready at that age, we don’t know everything we should, and we have no desire to listen to those that do know what we should do.  We are still children ourselves.  Through that, I raised an amazing son, and my amazing son, is raising his sons with the same love and trial and error I did.  He has learned a lot in the 2 years he has been a daddy, and as he makes choices and learns the consequences of them, he is learning that I was right…it’s not easy, but it is totally worth it.  It’s hard to watch him flounder and do things totally different than I would, just as I’m sure it was for my mom, but I am very proud of him, and the choice he has made to stand up and take responsibility for the children God has placed in his life.

I’ve never had a father in law like D’s dad.  It was a bit scary coming into a family with a preacher as your new father in law.  While we were dating, D’s parents came to Georgia while D stayed in North Carolina for work.  I vaguely remembered them from around school and church when we were little, but past that, there was no relationship and I had no idea “how” they were.  D assured me that they would love me, but I was still so scared to have them come visit me without him present.  So nervous, that before they came to visit, I changed my blue nail polish because I didn’t want his mother to think anything odd of me.  I had enough to offer without blue nails though…let’s see, 2 divorces – check, teenage son with a kid on the way – check, making his son drive 2 states away to date me – check…yeah, not good.  Except, it was.  In fact, I’ve learned from the entire family, that there is nothing that surprises them or takes them out of their comfort zone.  No family is perfect, and my imperfect background was nothing of consequence to him (or them).  His only requirement and concern about me was that I love Jesus and am a Christian, and that I love his son unconditionally and without reservation.  I am proud to be a part of his family and even more thankful that my husband had such a strong example of what a man is to teach him how to love and protect me, and how to love and raise our children.

My dad and I have something different than most people.  I don’t remember lots of the details of when my parents divorced.  I know things now that my mom has told me, or my sister, or that my dad has eluded to that he is not proud of having done.  I still don’t have a clear bone to pick with him since I didn’t have those feelings of anger/betrayal at the time things occurred.  I have held resentment for what he put my mother, my sister and me through later in life because of his decisions, and for not sticking to his pledge to love, honor, and cherish my mom.  However, we all make mistakes, sometimes they are small and just annoying bumps in the road, and sometimes they will forever effect our lives and the lives of those around us.  I can’t say that I’ve forgotten all the things I know about what happened, but I do forgive him, and now that he is willing to know about me and my life and I am witnessing him make an effort to be involved and talk to me, I find it much easier to have conversations with him without feeling like it’s just a formality.  My dad has had health issues lately, and after losing my mom, I don’t want to lose him and regret not being adult enough to move past any hurt feelings I have in order to show him love that we all deserve.  He is not perfect, but he made four amazing daughters who love him more than he probably realizes.

Last year on Father’s Day I talked about how amazing D is.  As the father figure in our children’s daily lives, he consistently loves, raises, cares for and does everything in his power to ensure that the children we have are aware of his love, and the expectations of them on their behavior and actions while learning and growing up.  It’s pretty hard to be a father to a child that chooses to walk a path that is not in line with how a child should be raised, but even through that hardship he has taken on 2 children that are not his biologically and treated them as his own.  He is under no requirement to be a parent to my children, however he does it happily, with grace and strength, and with God’s love and guidance on a daily basis.   It has allowed them to bloom, grow and learn to be comfortable with the man they have in their daily lives by trusting him, and knowing that he loves them when they are wrong and loves them when they are right.  There is nothing more special to a mother than having a man, that treats their children as they should be treated.  My life is much easier, smoother, and happier having a man that loves his family as selflessly as he does.

Happy Father’s Day to you all, you are all greatly and deeply loved!

What Makes A Dad

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Well, we all know I love talking about marriage, and submission/love.  It’s not that I dwell on it, but it always interests me to hear how other women view it.  There are so many women out there, married, single, Christian, non-Christian, happy, sad, all kinds that all have questions or have different variations on what they believe and practice when it comes to marriage vows/commandments in the Bible.

I’ve posted many blogs on it, if you haven’t read them here’s the links:
Husbands love your wives (more than just a little)
Submission…when he’s lovin’ you better be submittin’

This is what I think most women that don’t agree with submission view it as. Truth is, it’s much more than that.

Last time I posted a blog about it this conversation ensued on my FB page.  I’ve changed our real names, but it was with a friend who decidedly disagrees with me, at least that’s what I thought at first.  In the end, I realized that she’s been hurt before, and like most women, has changed her mind about how a marriage should work.  I am ever grateful that she opened up and allowed me to ask her some questions to further understand her.

  • HERE WE GO! (It is edited for names, irrelevant content and length – yes, it was longer)
    • MM I read your blog. I don’t disagree with what you are saying… but I don’t agree either. It could be that I was raised by hippies…. it could be that I have HUGE feminist viewpoints, or it could be that I’m just one big ol’ control freak. I’ve always felt that any partnership is equal.. with both parties pitching in, in all areas of the relationship. I truly don’t think I would ever be able to let go and just let someone lead me.
    • Mel Our marriage is very equal – ask Big Daddy. I think most non-Christians feel like you do. I don’t even know if you are a Christian…I’m just going with what I hear(in your words)! As always, everything doesn’t work for everyone!
    • J What does Christian versus non-Christian have to do with it…did I miss something? And the term “Christian” is veryyyy subject to interpretation and some interpretations are quite interesting. I’m not arguing…I’m asking because I’m curious.
    • MM you make a good point J. I’m not trying to argue either… just found it very interesting. oh, and I’m a christian. 😉
    • J I’m not…but I promise I’m a long way from a heathen devil worshiper, too.
    • Big Daddy Equality and submission are more closely linked than most would think. The christian vs non-christian is more of a point of view of the situation in general. Following biblical doctrine is why Mel is submissive. So if you don’t follow the teachings of the bible, your view point is completely different than her’s.  I actually seek her council on most everything, so it isn’t like I am “Lord of My Domain.” When she is submissive to me and I am submissive to God, then she is submissive to God through me. Believe me I always have her best interest in mind. Part of being submissive to God is having the best interest of her and the kids before any of my wants or desires.
    • Mel Sorry, I’m not answering, I’m over here doing family tree! D can answer for me…not because he rules but because I’m busy:)  Or they could read the other post about your duty to God and me! https://justalittlemel.wordpress.com/2010/10/08/husbands-mine-especially-love-your-wives-not-just-a-little/Check that, his commandment is much harder in my view!
    • Mel J, I say Christian/non-Christian, because it’s normally a huge difference if you don’t believe as a Christian does. It’s not any reference to who is better, simply the belief system/chain of command of a marriage is different between the two.
    • MM Very interesting. I thank your husband for his input. 🙂
    • Big Daddy If you really look at it, I am submissive to my family and especially my wife. The word seems to have a bad connotation, but anytime you put someone before yourself you are being submissive to their wants, needs and desires. It’s what we do every day for the ones we love. It’s an exchange of respect.
    • Mel Not to mention, if you don’t want to read that other post…he has to love me…he’s commanded to. All the time, no matter what, even to the extent of making me happy and taken care of BEFORE himself. What’s not to like there? MM – I would love to ask you some things without offending you…just to hear your take – is that ok?
    • MM Absolutely! go for it, and… for the record… my responses are not to offend anyone. Just my opinions. 🙂
    • Mel YAY! OK. So most people I hear from on this topic are either:a) not Christian, which I think makes a huge difference on how you view the household chain of command (God, husband, wife, kids)
      b) men who just want their wives to shut up and listen
      or
      c) Christian and agree with me.You stated you are a Christian and don’t see how you could let go and let someone lead you. I’d like to know what vows you used, and without sounding mean, did those include “love, honor, obey” or anything with biblical reference in your vows or how did you come to agree to vows to use in your ceremony? I guess what I’m asking is, being Christian, do you choose not to believe those verses (mentioned in the blog) or what’s your take on that part of the Bible? What do YOU view submission as, and how do you view the alternate command that your husband “love your wives as Christ did the church.” Do you feel your husband should love you that much, in the way that Christ did – dying for our sins?That’s pretty much it, I would also like to add, that when I was single and a mom, working full time, and doing everything…I felt VERY much like you. I couldn’t imagine letting go of the reins – nothing would have gotten done. I can make decisions, I can call all the shots, I can multitask, and I always think my way is the best way, we are women…it’s just how we are. That has not faded a bit! Someone said that women shouldn’t be submissive because when and if the husband ever leaves or dies she will have no clue how to handle life. I’ve been divorced and had a husband die…both not fun, but unless you are remedial, you can handle life. I have willingly given things to D that I used to stress over, or hate doing, or not want to do that I had to do…and now, I get to relax and enjoy life and things that I couldn’t before because I have a partner and husband that handles things for me. It’s quite freeing to not HAVE to handle everything!
    • Mel Oooh girl…. I’m going to have to smoke first. 😉 give me a few minutes.
    • Mel LOL, I hope that didn’t come across bad, I am truly asking. Just as many people don’t see how I or anyone could “agree” to submit, I want to know different views.
    • MM Ok…. here we go!! 🙂 Well… when I was married (getting a divorce I asked for) our vows said “to love and honor.”  I specifically omitted “obey” for a reason. See… we were originally going to get married in a catholic church. However, we had to do this like 500 question test thingy. In this test, it had as one of the questions “the MAN will be the head of the household…. agree or disagree” I not only circled disagree a 1000 times, I put “not a chance in hell.”  Of course, that got flagged by the priest. He asked me why. I told him what I told you earlier. He said what you said earlier. I said that I feel it should be 2 people working together to accomplish one goal. He said you can’t do that without leadership… I agreed and said God will lead us and together we battle the decisions. We got a letter later that week telling us the priest refused to marry us b/c I needed to prove to him “on a constant and continuing basis” that I was a good catholic. Yeah… that didn’t go so well for me. I have a sailor’s mouth… but I digress.  In my opinion, the Bible is viewed differently by each person who reads it. Take for instance some of the Morman’s believe that polygamy is not only the right thing to do…but the ONLY way… and God’s way. While having another gal around the house to do the cleaning and laundry would rock… I couldn’t see my husband sleeping with another woman. EVER. I’m too jealous for that. So, to them, I’m not living the way of God.
    • Mel Again, just asking questions here, and if it’s not something you wanna answer say so, and D said to make sure you know I’m not questioning your “Christian-ness” at all. I’m asking what you believe. Also, if you’d rather answer NOT on here, I’d be fine talking in PM. Got it, was it THAT guy or just anyone in general you don’t feel is “qualified” to be the head besides you? Where does your belief that it’s ok NOT to agree with the man as the head come from? Meaning do you feel there is some biblical backup for what you believe?I agree with what you said, 2 people under God’s leadership – hence what I said about if I didn’t like how D handled something I have backup…he has to be in line with God, and if he’s not, I go to God, I can go OVER D’s head. I guess it comes down to what you feel you can handle as a couple, and what you are ok with, I’ve just never known a Christian woman that openly said she didn’t agree with the verses, so thank you for letting me ask:)  I totally love Sister Wives…we watch it every week and on Netflix. I see an issue with that though, where Kody has said that he thinks it’s sickening and vile to imagine one of his wives with multiple husbands…really? However, that is their belief system, I also don’t believe in the book of Mormon, so I don’t know what it says but I do know what the Bible says, and Catholic or Baptist (or whatever) we use the same Bible…that has the same verses, so I wanted to know the…um…justification for not agreeing with it on the submission part.
    • MMMy husband took me for granted.. practically ignored me and I spent 12 years of my life trying to make it work b/c I do (or did) not believe in divorce. I signed up for this deal. I prepared to share my life with someone forever. I spent 12 years feeling more alone in a marriage than I did when I was single. So… as hard as it was for me… I left him. Shortly after. I met a most amazing man. He loves me, my kids and we take amazing care of each other. I believe God put him in my path. Is our situation ideal? Hell no. Would have this been the path I chose for myself? Hell no. However… I feel because I didn’t just submit and resign myself to “this is my life” and submit to my husband… I was given a new lease on life. I feel as if I tried every avenue with my husband to make it work, to make us (or should I say myself) happy. I guess that’s how I feel about the submitting to your husband thing. I feel that doing so…. you can loose a part of yourself by working so hard to please someone else. I feel I lost a bit of ME by trying so very hard to get him to be pleased with me. (which… I’m a HUGE people pleaser by nature and that’s not always a good thing).

      Now that I’m with this new person… I “spoil” him as I call it. He’s treated like a king. And equally, I’m treated as a queen. However… if we were to ever get married, I’m positive we would do things as a team. I want as much input as he does. And no one gets the final say. Not that I don’t trust him. I feel that we are both walking down this path together and we can both show each other the flowers and amazing things that we each see from our sides of the road. I want to learn from him and vice versa. I don’t feel that can happen if one person has the final say… even if it’s been discussed first. I’m sure a lot of that has to do with my upbringing. My parents discussed everything together. They also weren’t really into the whole religion thing. Ever really. (as a side note… I ALMOST became a nun. For real.) So, my examination of the bible tells me that what I do for my boyfriend is how I should be doing it. That’s my interpretation.
    • Mel We are very alike. I was in a relationship for 9 years, married for the last 3…he was a non-Christian and did not exhibit any type of leadership besides “you should do what I say.” I did not submit simply because he did not lead…had he led and not just demanded I do what he said, it would have been fine. I did all I could to make that marriage work, in the end he chose to try to cheat…I left. I do not allow anyone to treat me bad, there is no excuse for it. I met D, and we clicked immediately. He was a gift from God. (See ,we are alike) However, I was most ready and able to submit because D leads because he is led. He does not simply sit around telling me to clean and cook him dinner and shut up. He provides guidance and we together provide a happy home. I know happy homes can be achieved in other situations than ours. I feel like I gained back SO MUCH OF ME, because I am free to be me with D…and know I am loved through all of my “me-ness.”  Thank you for your insight! I wish you all the best in your marriage, and encourage you to step a little outside and see if it could be even better with the good man you have now!  Don’t be offended, but I think you have a submissive heart and don’t want to label it as that. There are not any differences in you and me through what you have said, except I admit to agreeing with the verses. I can’t tell you how many times my idea is the one we go with after talking about something. More often than not, D says “you know, you are right, I think this is how we should handle ____.” And it was my idea! We council each other. Submission has nothing to do with him having the “last word.” It’s about how I act/react to him.
    • MM I’m a hell of an enigma. But I LOVE talking about this. It is interesting and I get to learn something about others! 🙂 I think my reactions depend on the person I’m with. And I definitely don’t do labels. Except freaking AWESOME. Just because I am. ;)‎(and it takes a LOT to offend me)
    • Mel Me too! I really don’t see one bit of difference in our relationships or even our backgrounds (I was raised strict Baptist – no pants, no rock music). I think that there are some women, like yourself, who don’t truly “get” the submit and what it means. Or have been through a bad relationship and use that. You can ask anyone to describe me…headstrong and bossy is top of the list. D calls it “forceful opinions.”
    • MM  ROFL… I call it “my way or the highway.”  The only tattoo I have I got when I was 19. It’s a yin yang. It’s suiting for me. It shows balance, equality and that’s how I feel about all of my relationships.
    • Mel So, that is why I say I don’t think people “get it” it’s not about being shy, quiet, meek and mild…it’s about how to treat him and how he treats you. Also, to reference your post about your ex – I said it in the blog, and an old blog…you are not responsible to submit to someone who is devastating you. It is not a commandment to suffer. When you are with a man who looks to God, and loves you so much that he does everything for YOUR good and your betterment…there is no suffering or devastation. As I said, D is here as an extension of God’s love for me, he takes care of me in a human capacity as he is led by God. To me that is just amazing and I don’t get how someone could not want that?

I will say that I feel, after reading again and again (for editing), that my main question was not answered.  I’d love some input and answers from those that feel willing to do so.

My question is: if you are a Christian, and choose NOT to like/believe/live by/adhere to the submission part of your marriage, how do you justify that?  How do you just ignore those verses?  Also, do you feel your husband should love you as he is commanded to, if you do not believe in submission?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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This is a second piece, in what I can only assume is going to be an ongoing topic, on my blog.  The first post I did about this was Husbands Love Your Wives (not just a little) and speaks about the Ephesians passage.  I’ve updated this with the third post To submit…or not to Submit.  When I started blogging I didn’t know what I was going to write about, or how often.  I just do it as it comes and it seems that this topic comes up often in my life and those around me.  From Facebook posts to Michelle Bachmann, it seems too many people don’t get it.  So, since you’re here and reading, let’s get going.

I kid with the title, kinda, but it was meant to be funny.  I in no way think or believe God commanded us as wives to submit, no matter what.  So, don’t start with me on the non-Christian husband, the one who doesn’t respect you, the one who doesn’t treat you right and argue that you don’t have to submit because he doesn’t act right.  I’ll cover my thoughts on that (and you probably won’t like them) at the end of this post.

The main reason I love talking about this subject is to testify to how well a home works when it’s run the proper way.  The proper way being when you have a man that looks to God for his leadership, a wife that looks to her husband for leadership and children who know they have parents that love and care for them, and more importantly that love and respect each other.  Yes, this can be achieved sometimes outside of a Christian home, but more often than not, it’s neglected and unattainable in that forum.  I have plenty of friends that don’t get how “submitting” is in their best interest, or that can’t imaging allowing their husband to call the shots.  To that I ask – if you don’t think he’s smart enough or a good enough leader to call the shots why did you marry him?  Seems like a huge lack of good judgement on your part.  I’ve said it before, D has proven more than once before we married that he was quite capable of making good, correct, sensible decisions, and that his ideas were worthy of me agreeing to submit and hand him the last say/control in our relationship.  Ultimately God is the one calling the shots in our marriage, but since there are 3 of us in this boat, there’s got to be a chain of command.

There is more than the Ephesians passage to support the order of the Christian household.  I’m not going to cover the husbands role in full again, because I want to really get into the command the wives receive in these passages.  We see in the following verses that it’s not just one passage, for this post I’ve pulled four that I will discuss and reference all from my favorite translation the King James Version (KJV).  I am going to discuss just the verses with the submit reference, but encourage you to read the rest of the passages because they speak volumes as to WHY you should have a submissive heart/attitude.

Here’s the first one we’ve all heard:

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

33Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

A second to help remind you:

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. 20Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 21Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Didn’t like those two?  Let’s try another approach:

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; 4That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

Really?  It’s not a suggestion, it’s a direction, stop questioning it already.

1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

I really don’t know what to say if you don’t like that.  It’s quite clear how we as wives are supposed to act and interact with our husbands, but, let’s look and discuss.

As Christian women we have no issues submitting to the Lord (Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord).  I believe we can all agree to that.  He loves us, listens to our prayers, answers them, chooses not to sometimes, has mercy, shows us He cares and ultimately we feel His presence in our daily lives, what’s not to like here?  We trust in Him.  After years of bad relationships, starting a career, living life, waiting for the “right one” and countless other reasons we should now thank God that we have a good Christian man. I know in my own life God has more than earned the respect and love we are to give Him.  He brought this man to you, He’s given you a partner to be here with you so you can FEEL that love, comfort, caring, burden sharing, leadership, and enjoy life with someone.  Not at all that God feels or thinks He alone isn’t enough, but He knows what we as women need, a partner, a leader, a lover, someone to tend to us and make us happy, God wants us to be HAPPY!  How much is it to ask that you respect, listen to, confer with and submit yourself (head, heart and body) to that man that He chose for you?  Not much I say.

Maybe we should clear up what submission/submitting means.

Submit: verb (used with or without object)

1.to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).
2.to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.
3.to yield oneself to the power or authority of another: to submit to a conqueror.
4.to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment: to submit to chemotherapy.
5.to defer to another’s judgment, opinion, decision, etc.: I submit to your superior judgment.

Submission is not once described as mindless following, doing whatever you’re told, having no say, having no voice.  None of the definitions even remotely sound like most of the arguments I’ve heard against submission.  It’s simply what we as humans have wrongly come to interpret this one word to mean.  In God’s plan, submission is simply about giving yourself, as a willing partner to the man He chose to place above you in the chain of command of your home.  Just as there are bosses and employees, too many cooks in the kitchen, too many chiefs and not enough Indians – there has to be order.  If you’re trying to call the shots and your husband is trying to do his God assigned duty and call the shots, things aren’t going to be cohesive.

Wrong...try again.

So far there has only been once that I felt strongly that D was acting against how he should or acting in an unloving way.  I won’t get into incriminating myself specifics, but I may have played a part in his reaction…or not.  Truthfully, it was a mixture of me feeling that he was not holding up his end of the bargain and him feeling that I was undermining/disrespecting him in my reaction to that.  We were both wrong, and still he would argue that I was the cause, and I would point out that he “did” the deed in question for me to react inappropriately.  Which brings me to my point here, if he decides to act in an unloving way that doesn’t afford me the right to do the same and throw God’s plan out the window.  The opposite is true.  I am not free to tell him off, or take over, jump ahead in line, or treat him any differently than God has told me to just because he has forgotten his duty to me.  I CAN speak lovingly and inform him that I disagree with how he is treating me, or how he is talking, and that I believe he is going against the plan.

Barnes states this on the matter:

(4) if she is constrained, however, to differ from him, it should be with mildness and gentleness. There should be no reproach, and no contention. She should simply state her reasons, and leave the event to God.

In other words, if I disagree with D (because he is being mean, or rude, or not leading in a Godly manner), I have a backup plan.  God.  Since D has someone to answer to also, if I disagree or don’t like something I am more than free to pray and ask God for His guidance.  I don’t know how much more absolute you can get when looking for the correct answer.  The bottom line is that if D isn’t cutting it for me, he better hope he’s acting right because he answers to someone way more powerful than he or I am in our relationship.  I do have backup!  There are clear limits and rules over the husband and a huge responsibility on him to lead with my best interest at heart.  If he doesn’t, he’s going to have some ‘splaining to do.

In the beginning I said I would address the women who question the absoluteness of the plan.  I do not condone or think anyone should stay with an abusive man, or with a man who does not wish to live in alignment with God or the Bible.  I think there is always a limit to what one should put up with in any relationship, friendship, family dynamic etc.  You allow people to treat you bad…or you don’t.  If it’s not changing, and if someone is not trying or does not wish to learn how to be in a relationship/marriage the right way, then I believe it’s time to seriously re-evaluate whether you need to be there or not.  However, if you choose to stay there, then yes, you should still act in submission – see the following verse (again).

1 Peter 3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

All Christian women know, and even non-Christian women can see clearly that men, tall-short-big-little-loving-happy-unloving-sad-Christian-working-non-Christian-unemployed men, all beam with pride when they know they have earned the approval and have pleased a woman.  Do you want your man to do something more than once…thank him and praise him the first time he does it.  The look on a man’s face when a woman is proud of him, when she supports him, when she looks to him, listens to him, asks him his opinion, listens to his words, praises his decisions, loves him, respects him, wants him to be a good man, and brags to those around her about how wonderful a provider and partner he is…that look, that pride he feels, is no mistake in God’s plan.  A man that feels the love and respect of his wife can and will do anything to make her happy, to keep seeing that reaction and feeling that emotion.  There is no quicker way to defeat a man than to let him know you are disappointed in him or that you don’t think he is worthy of your respect and worthy to lead you or your family.  If you are looking for the queen treatment there is also no better way to get loved and protected, and to be lifted up as wives should be according to God’s plan, than by submitting to your husband.

I’ll leave you with another wife’s interpretation of what submission means in her marriage.  I think she is dead on also.

I am in full agreement with Barnes and his interpretation on the Ephesians passage.  I may continue with more on his notes, but I think we’ve learned enough for today…get to submittin’!

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This is a rant…I wanted to say it, and it’s just the way it came out.  Reading someone’s thoughts and opinions is a privilege and should be exercised with common sense and extreme caution by those who cannot handle it well.

While I realize that blogging is a choice, and I am allowing my thoughts and opinions to be “out there” – where is the line of decency/privacy/common sense? Where do we go from getting thoughts out to bashing others, or defamation? At what point does it become a show of what we SHOULD like, think, want, experience and less of who we are for real because we have to mince words to please others or to not upset them?

Bluntcard.com

In the last few weeks it’s been hard for me not to blog about what’s going on in our lives.  D is dealing with custody issues and we are looking at a long road of recovery be it B (his daughter) or him.  They are both in critical situations, and both in need of healing.  Which one is going to get that much needed healing is yet to be determined.  The ride so far has been stressful, sad and shows no signs of where it is going next.  With all that said, I’ve done fairly well with keeping my thoughts to myself (and not on my blog) about people involved in this and how utterly evil they are.  It’s hard.   Yes, it’s my blog, yes it’s all my opinion, my thoughts, and yes, I TRY to speak and think with love, but we are all human and no matter how much you pray, you still have your opinion.  I’m doing all I can not to put my true opinion of things out there.  I don’t want to in any way hinder the chance that B can be helped.  So, I haven’t said much about it. It saddens me that what we’re going through cannot be brought to light so others (and there are hundreds) can recognize the signs.  Had D been warned or had the chance to read a blog with the telltale signs like we are seeing now, he may have been able to keep B from having to endure this.  Live and learn.  I do plan to blog about that situation in a responsible way, which will be to educate others without expressly pointing fingers.

 

 

Bluntcard.com

It’s stressful to hold on to all these things, and yet have a place where I can get them out.  A place I created to help me work through things and get them out of my head, to help me heal, and deal.  I feel that it’s both my right (which it is) to speak my mind, and anyone else’s right to do the same.  If someone disagrees, or feels that I’ve painted them in a bad light (even with no identifying names) then either they should make their own blog to dispel my portrayal, or act differently so as not to be perceived in a bad light.   On the other side, I have been wrong *GASP* and if it’s on my blog for all to see, there’s a slim chance that from the comments or feedback of others I may see things from a different point of view.

On the privacy issue…I have people that read my thoughts that aren’t so much forbidden or unwanted, but that have found it because they are nosy or through less than ideal ways.  I always knew this was a possibility and in fact, started my blog and made sure that it was anonymous (other than those that know us from seeing pictures) from the beginning.  No one can identify my ex’s, D’s ex’s, our children, or anyone in general,  from any information given via my blog.  I did it for a reason, this reason – so I can freely speak my mind, good, bad, happy, sad, opinion, observation, right or wrong. I wanted to be able to let those that piss me off know that they did, I wanted to talk about what I’ve learned in many years of good and bad marriages.  I want to talk about my kids and how great or how annoying they are.  I wanted to create a place for feedback and conversation about everything whether it’s agreed on or not.  That is what I’ve created:)  It goes without saying that those that KNOW me or our family already know the stories and what we all feel and think about people in our lives.  Having it on a blog, or in print doesn’t any further damage/or create a defamatory light on what my friend might know I already think about another friend, or something of the like.

Savagechickens.com

I have a choice, to put things on “paper,” to tell what details about people or situations I wish to divulge, I have the options in my settings to allow this to be public (search engines), private (just those I give the link to) or closed (password protected).  I have chosen to put things on paper, I have chosen not to use names and no identifying statements on the WHO when I talk about my family or people I know/knew, and I have chosen to allow my blog to be open.  I want to share things I’ve been through and to have feedback and be able to hear other opinions.  Yes, it’s my blog, but what good is it if it’s just me and no input?

So, whether you were invited here, found me on a search engine, heard from a friend, or are reading because you are nosy and feel the need to spy…welcome.  I’ll be here all year (and the ones to come).

~Mel

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