Archive for the ‘PSA’ Category

So guess what, I’m tired of it too, and this guy disagrees with me…but he’s right, and you should read it. All of it, even if you cringe at first.


Over the past week, I have eaten at CFA (and before), it’s not because I hate gay people, or because I want to “win” and prove that Christians have rights too, and it’s certainly not because they are healthy.  No one is winning here, and since I don’t personally have a dog in the fight, and would only be eating at CFA because they are “Christian” from now on, I see (from his words) that it’s not ok.

Whether it’s CFA’s doing, or the “Christian public” – this whole thing has been handled horribly by anyone wanting to stand up and show the world what Christians believe in and what we will rally for.  We rally for chicken?  We rally to show those gays that they are WRONG and we will put all our money into heart clogging food to prove that point?  We encourage a company that twice removes itself (from direct donation) so they can continue to say they aren’t discriminatory and homophobic?  I am not homophobic, I am also not discriminatory. CFA in it’s stores is also not discriminatory, however, as I’ve been told (that is the main argument from the “other side”) – they spend their well earned sandwich money on other organizations that clearly and proudly discriminate and even go further than that.

Is this you this week?

As a Christian, no, I don’t believe that marriage is defined by opposite sex partners, but I have that right.  That will not change, it’s my belief based on my own research and my own upbringing.  I also know for a fact that many of the “Christians” in major support of CFA would not be loving or nurturing or open to an openly gay couple that walked into their church.  I know first hand how judgemental Christians are.  Try being 16 and pregnant in a private school.  However, my beliefs are not what’s up for debate here and I really don’t care if you like my view or not.  However, I can change the way that those I do not agree with view my beliefs and my way of upholding them.

I said yesterday, that I can completely see the “other view” – there are lines around the building in every city, for chicken…where are the lines for the homeless shelters?  Where are the lines for the hospitals to hold babies addicted to drugs, or hold the hand of a person going through chemo?  Where are the Christians who want to make a real difference?  They’re in line for a sandwich.

Through none of this, would I, if I were gay or a non-Christian, feel loved, and ministered to.  I would not feel like going to church, or reaching out to anyone that is supporting CFA  or spouting “we’re winning” or that CFA is tops.   Ask yourself this, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ…at what point, if you were not a Christian, would you stop one of these Christians standing in line, posting pictures or shaking their fists up in victory to ask “why is it you are so happy and your life is wonderful and you have this spark?” I have not seen any Christian spark, not in myself and not in others that are so adamant about supporting CFA.  I have not seen the “light” that we are to shine among men.   I would do exactly as they have done, and fight back because they feel attacked.  Christians were not attacked, at any point in this, until we stood up to support CFA. Dan Cathy didn’t even attack, he stated what most of us Christians agree with and also believe, however he swept under the rug the part that is really making the “other side” upset.  The donations.  I’ve researched, the claims are correct, the organizations that CFA supports (indirectly down the line) are very discriminatory and even predatory on the gay community, and others that don’t agree with them.

It’s being touted that CFA stands up for “family values” – so does that mean your Christian family wants to eat unhealthy, and fall in with the crowd (as Christians we are called to be different and stand for what is right in the face of wrong). To me, wrong is pushing anyone further away from God. Does your family value pictures stating “we won” (over chicken) or do you want the non-Christian public to view you exactly like they view Westboro?  That is not what I want to support, nor how I want to bring others to Christ.

What I also will not be supporting is openly pro-gay companies that I disagree with.  Again, that is my choice, where I put my money.  There are tons of companies that I’m sure support things I do not agree with, as long as they aren’t singing it from the rooftops and I need their products, then not just me, but all of us are going to have to use them.  However, we should be aware that at any time, we may have to stop supporting them if they stand up and we disagree.

It is OUR duty as Christians to be a good example and love those that are not like us, and that aren’t our brothers and sisters in Christ.  Does it say we are to love only those that are receptive and take on our views?  NO.  As I’ve heard and seen on facebook, don’t judge others because they sin differently than you do.

Matthew 5:16 ESV

In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

1 Peter 3:15 ESV

But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,

Philippians 2:1-4 ESV

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ...

Did you read that last verse?  Read it again…and tell me…as a Christian, this past week, have you looked to the interest of others or your own?  As a Christian, I do not support gay marriage.  I support gay unions, and gay people, and I have no issues with them, they are part of my family, and I have been close friends for years with some very openly gay couples.  My beliefs have not changed, however my willingness to support the discrimination and vilifying of my friends and family has.

~ Mel

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It’s late, and quiet.  D is sleeping, YAY!  He’s been dealing with insomnia, so we are thankful when he sleeps at night.  Yeah, I know you don’t care…let’s move along.

I started 2 other posts tonight, one on Entitlement and one on Change.  Neither of them flowed out, and from experience that means I have tons to say…it’ll come when it’s ready.   I also wanted to start writing more about gratitude and being thankful for things in my life.  This blog will never be updated daily, I think that’s boring, I don’t even want to know what happens with me every day, so I’m sure you have better things to do.  I can feel that I have lots going through my head and need to get some of it out, let’s see where this goes.

Seems lately that I’ve been involved in more than one “heated” debate about a few things.  Girl Scouts, fathers shooting up laptops, Planned Parenthood, Susan G Komen, breastfeeding, Whitney Houston and the flag, Obama,  and gay rights to name a few.  I’m NOT getting into that here, and if you try to hijack my post I’ll delete your comment…I don’t really care what your thoughts are about any of that, so there.  I’ve realized through those conversations, mainly on FB, that people often forget their manners and basic home training when they realize someone doesn’t agree with them, and *GASP* they aren’t listening to their side or better, changing their minds.  It amazes me how full of themselves people are, there is a difference in standing up for your beliefs or a cause and being a pushy, childish idiot.  I actually unfriended 2 people, and was unfriended by 3 people over more than one conversation in the last few months…actual friends, not FB friends.

I find nothing wrong with stating your side, arguing your side, believing in whatever you believe in.  In fact, if you don’t stand up for what you think is right, then what’s the point?  I don’t want to be your friend if you have no opinion on anything.  For real.  I enjoy a good debate/talk/discussion about anything.  What I don’t enjoy is people attacking others for a random statement, or when you’ve stated your side and I’ve stated mine and I don’t succumb to your views.   What kind of world would this be if we all agreed on everything?  Boring.  Even in the home D and I don’t agree on stuff, hell we don’t agree on how to load the dishwasher, or what temperature to keep the thermostat at.  You can ask him…I love to discuss how wrong his way is, and I know full and well I’m not changing his mind on it, but I have to state my case.  I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind…but once you are informed of both sides, yours and the opposing one, and I have given reasons, and support for my views, the ball is in your court on what to do with the information.  Does it not occur to people that if you wouldn’t change your mind to agree with me, then no amount of your disagreeing with me is going to change mine?

Judge not, lest ye do it correctly.

That goes twice for my religious beliefs.  The morals/beliefs/Biblical principles I was raised to believe and choose to believe as an adult trump your argument that you are a good person.  Being a good person is not a principle, it’s a characteristic we should all possess, and as harsh as it sounds, no, that alone won’t get you into heaven.  Not my rules…don’t whine to me.   I’m tired of people using the counter that religious beliefs are unfair, or against our commandment to love one another and judge not.  We are to love the person, not the offense, and there are times when you are allowed to judge – study your Bible.  Why is it that non-Christians can’t just present the information needed and then hush?  I wonder why you so vehemently have to defend your views if you feel they are right, can’t you just sit back and know you are right?  I make it a point to not argue, but to find backup for whatever I’m stating.  If that means you keep disagreeing with what is said, then have fun with that, I’m not God…I don’t have to deal with you after I’ve done my part.   To inform someone on a topic where there is a Biblical disagreement (or someone that doesn’t acknowledge the Bible) is different than presenting information on something you are passionate about.  Passion is not commanded in the Bible, a non-Christian can just sit back and think they are right all day long and you won’t go to hell any faster than if you argued about your side all day long.  However, for someone that is religious/following God’s commandments, we are to spread the word and share it with those that are lost.  One problem is that in our society too many people think that doing good is enough, they don’t feel lost.  My view is that if you are supporting things that are against God, then you aren’t informed of what He said.  If you are informed and not following what He said, then I have even MORE of a duty to help you see the light since you have chosen to ignore it.  I can’t sit back and go “eh, let him be wrong…no biggie.”  You may not understand the difference, but when you are a Christian there is a huge difference in what you can and cannot ignore.  Being a Christian does not afford me the luxury of being silent while others sail along their own river of demise.

My goals for getting involved in the topics on FB were to be informative, have conversation and because I like to be heard (shocker).   I TRY to use articles, proof, facts or anything that backs up my view when involved in a heated discussion.  It seems though, that others like to just get involved to disagree, and try to strong arm others, or belittle them when there is a minority present and they have backup.  I’m always amazed at the things people throw out there with no proof or backup and then further stunned when they act offended when you ask for the basis of their statement.   Does no one know that we aren’t all idiots and don’t just accept what we are told?   When did it become ok to just take things as truth?

I’m really not surprised by much anymore on FB (or in life), it’s almost daily that someone posts some annoying picture on FB or via email about a warning or “support” whatever by reposting this hurt child/dog/military/medical/gang initiation picture.  Can you tell how much that stuff bothers me?  Why is it that people that know they are sending information out just hit “share” without checking the validity or using common sense before further spreading things that are old, false, or just plain do NOTHING to show your support for XYZ cause?  Want to show support for battered women?  Go volunteer at a shelter.  Want to support the troops?  Write letters, send care packages, say thank you.  Want to support equal rights?  Vote, go volunteer at the organization of your choice.  STOP re-posting pictures and thinking you’re actually doing something good.  The problem with FB and email forwards is that it gives people a false sense of doing something…and then no one is doing anything.  Oh, I posted this picture of a flight attendant with a feel good story about some old mean white lady complaining about an Indian man on her flight…so I’m not a racist and I’m a good person.  No you aren’t, you didn’t check to see that that story was FAKE, has been circulating for years, and just gets changed depending on what flavor of the year is on our radar as the “unwanted” race.  Don’t give me that crap about how “it’s a good moral, who cares if it’s real or not?”  I DO, and so do most people.  What about the moral of getting off your butt and actually supporting something?

I’ll hush on that front, I think you get the point.  Don’t share stuff if you didn’t see it, and you didn’t research it to find out if it’s real.  We aren’t going to stop for a baby seat on the side of the road, we were warned of that via email 8 years ago.  I promise not to go around licking the tops of cans because someone may have laced them with cocaine…I learned my lesson the summer of ’02.  If Apple/Coke/Microsoft/FB is going to start charging, or will give me a free anything for sharing or clicking, they need a better AP/AR department, because they’ve been saying they were going to do that for years now.  Hang on, I have to give this Nigerian man my routing number…Blessings to you too.

Oh, I got off topic.  Not sorry.  It just seems that we have lost common sense.  We have forgotten that social media is just that, social.

so·cial [soh-shuhl]


1.pertaining to, devoted to, or characterized by friendly companionship or relations: a social club.
2.seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious.
3.of, pertaining to, connected with, or suited to polite or fashionable society: a social event.

4. living or disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation:

Yes, you can stand up for what you believe in, you can support a cause, you can share your likes and dislikes, and you can be whatever religion you want to be.  You should refrain from pissing people off, ruining your friendships, or being overall douchy when someone doesn’t believe what you do.  If you’re going to do those things, then you’ll quickly find yourself in need of more friends and no one to be social with.

I blog better with tunes…tonight’s awesome playlist courtesy of SiruisXM 90’s on 9 and The Pulse:
Des’ree – You Gotta Be
Poison – Something to Believe In
Tupac – California Love
The Offspring – Pretty Fly (for a white guy) – why does he say 5 two times?
Train – Hey Soul Sister
Greenday – Basket Case
Len – Steal my Sunshine
Billy Idol – Cradle of Love
The Fugees – Killing me Softly (with his song) – 2 times
En Vogue – Free Your Mind
Matchbox 20 –  3 am

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This is a rant…I wanted to say it, and it’s just the way it came out.  Reading someone’s thoughts and opinions is a privilege and should be exercised with common sense and extreme caution by those who cannot handle it well.

While I realize that blogging is a choice, and I am allowing my thoughts and opinions to be “out there” – where is the line of decency/privacy/common sense? Where do we go from getting thoughts out to bashing others, or defamation? At what point does it become a show of what we SHOULD like, think, want, experience and less of who we are for real because we have to mince words to please others or to not upset them?


In the last few weeks it’s been hard for me not to blog about what’s going on in our lives.  D is dealing with custody issues and we are looking at a long road of recovery be it B (his daughter) or him.  They are both in critical situations, and both in need of healing.  Which one is going to get that much needed healing is yet to be determined.  The ride so far has been stressful, sad and shows no signs of where it is going next.  With all that said, I’ve done fairly well with keeping my thoughts to myself (and not on my blog) about people involved in this and how utterly evil they are.  It’s hard.   Yes, it’s my blog, yes it’s all my opinion, my thoughts, and yes, I TRY to speak and think with love, but we are all human and no matter how much you pray, you still have your opinion.  I’m doing all I can not to put my true opinion of things out there.  I don’t want to in any way hinder the chance that B can be helped.  So, I haven’t said much about it. It saddens me that what we’re going through cannot be brought to light so others (and there are hundreds) can recognize the signs.  Had D been warned or had the chance to read a blog with the telltale signs like we are seeing now, he may have been able to keep B from having to endure this.  Live and learn.  I do plan to blog about that situation in a responsible way, which will be to educate others without expressly pointing fingers.




It’s stressful to hold on to all these things, and yet have a place where I can get them out.  A place I created to help me work through things and get them out of my head, to help me heal, and deal.  I feel that it’s both my right (which it is) to speak my mind, and anyone else’s right to do the same.  If someone disagrees, or feels that I’ve painted them in a bad light (even with no identifying names) then either they should make their own blog to dispel my portrayal, or act differently so as not to be perceived in a bad light.   On the other side, I have been wrong *GASP* and if it’s on my blog for all to see, there’s a slim chance that from the comments or feedback of others I may see things from a different point of view.

On the privacy issue…I have people that read my thoughts that aren’t so much forbidden or unwanted, but that have found it because they are nosy or through less than ideal ways.  I always knew this was a possibility and in fact, started my blog and made sure that it was anonymous (other than those that know us from seeing pictures) from the beginning.  No one can identify my ex’s, D’s ex’s, our children, or anyone in general,  from any information given via my blog.  I did it for a reason, this reason – so I can freely speak my mind, good, bad, happy, sad, opinion, observation, right or wrong. I wanted to be able to let those that piss me off know that they did, I wanted to talk about what I’ve learned in many years of good and bad marriages.  I want to talk about my kids and how great or how annoying they are.  I wanted to create a place for feedback and conversation about everything whether it’s agreed on or not.  That is what I’ve created:)  It goes without saying that those that KNOW me or our family already know the stories and what we all feel and think about people in our lives.  Having it on a blog, or in print doesn’t any further damage/or create a defamatory light on what my friend might know I already think about another friend, or something of the like.


I have a choice, to put things on “paper,” to tell what details about people or situations I wish to divulge, I have the options in my settings to allow this to be public (search engines), private (just those I give the link to) or closed (password protected).  I have chosen to put things on paper, I have chosen not to use names and no identifying statements on the WHO when I talk about my family or people I know/knew, and I have chosen to allow my blog to be open.  I want to share things I’ve been through and to have feedback and be able to hear other opinions.  Yes, it’s my blog, but what good is it if it’s just me and no input?

So, whether you were invited here, found me on a search engine, heard from a friend, or are reading because you are nosy and feel the need to spy…welcome.  I’ll be here all year (and the ones to come).


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I’m enamored with my Map of “who’s visiting” down there on the bottom right!  It changes constantly and I enjoy seeing where everyone is that’s reading.  You can click it and see who’s checkin’ me out!

So, HI back to all of you!  Some of you I know who you are and others I’m not sure – so say hi, and leave a comment! Thanks for visiting!

Wednesday, July 20 @ 8:47 : Garner, North Carolina, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 8:37 : Redmond, Washington, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 7:13 : Aberdeen, Maryland, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 2:59 : Fair Oaks, California, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 11:31 : Plano, Texas, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 11:21 : Miami, Florida, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 11:15 : Holton, Kansas, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 9:11 : Washington, District of Columbia, US
Wednesday, July 20 @ 9:10 : Sulphur, Louisiana, US
Tuesday, July 19 @ 11:43 : Broomfield, Colorado, US

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Accountability – a lesson in “I didn’t do it.”  Which, most likely, we’ve established already that you didn’t do it, so let’s see whose fault that is. (If you click that link it takes you to my most popular post ever, also about owning things)

Not to pick on her, but just as the example, J (my teenager) said this the other night (in the midst of her getting in trouble for not listening – this was NOT the whole conversation):

J: “So you’re saying everything is my fault?”

Me and D: “YES.”

J: (throws her hands up, buries her face in her hands and the tears roll) “Of course, it’s ALWAYS my fault.”

Now, any unseasoned, first time raising a teenager parent MAY buy this crock, but we have been here…recently.  D’s daughter tried this one on us last summer…it didn’t go well for her either.  Unfortunately (or fortunately for her future) J used an old, tired line on parents that had heard it before and were prepared to show her the error of her thinking ways.

If we’re going to leave things out of the conversation, and you are going to tell half truths then yes, everything is your fault.  If we’re going to speak truthfully, then once I have voiced what it is I want, or need, or expect, and you CHOOSE not to do it, yes, everything after that point is your fault.  Either way, yep, your fault.  Not mine.  Let’s explore.

Back to the conversation, J was talking with D and I about things that she “didn’t like” about living here…this is what she told us she voiced to her father during their visit over spring break:

  • they make me go to my room to do my homework so I don’t “bother” them while they are working
  • they yell at me
  • they cuss at me

MAN, I am so out of line…we SUCK as parents.  Case closed, bag it up, she wins!  Or not.  Nice try whipper-snapper.  As we all know, there are two sides to each story, and just as I did with our sadly mistreated mistaken child, I will enlighten you all on the whole truth she cleverly omitted in her crusade for sympathy.  Sidenote: Omission is lying.  If you can’t tell the whole truth because it doesn’t help your case, then it is lying.

  • After several attempts to curb her wandering (to the tv) eyes, and get her to focus not on the dog, or snacks, or laughing or talking while she is doing her homework, we informed her that in order for her to get her work done faster, and so that we don’t have to interrupt our work (we both work from home), she needs to go to her room where she can do her homework undisturbed, and get it done faster.
  • Her claim is that we yell…at her.  I admit it, and I did to her, however, when I’ve asked her 2 times to pick up her socks, or put away the dishes, or bring the cups down from her room, and she has REFUSED to respond to my calm, nice request, I do yell.  Gasp.  Oh hush.  I yell sometimes because she has an ipod blaring in her upstairs room and she pretends, as she does when she’s in the same room with you, that she didn’t hear you.  So, when I yell, guess what?  She miraculously hears me.  I also have been told I yell, but you can ask D, it’s more of a “raised tone of voice” – if I yelled, the entire row of condo’s would clean up their dishes.  My mom yelled, I turned out fine.
  • Her claim is that we curse…at her.  (See above claim)  Ok, so again, not perfect here, I’ll own it.  Let me finish that sentence for her…”they cuss at me – WHEN I HAVE NOT DONE WHAT I WAS ASKED TO THE FIRST TIME.”  –Example: 1st time) J, when you are done with that level (on Wii Mario), take your plate in the kitchen and put away the stuff you used.  2nd time – 5 minutes later) J, that game is over now, do what I said, I don’t want to have to turn the game off.  3rd time – 5 more minutes) J, stop what you are doing, get off your butt and take your dishes in the kitchen, and put away the chocolate milk stuff on the damn counter.  Now, forgive me, I am wrong.  What I should do (so as not to “cuss at her”) is unplug the Wii and say nothing more after she refused to do it the first time.  I should, but I think that is overkill.  I’m trying to teach life lessons here, she needs to learn how to think “oh, I’m supposed to stop for a minute, do what I was asked and then I can resume my activity.”  I believe she is learning that, because she hears and does it when I get serious, and because she does not like being cussed at.  Or, she could just do it the first time and we’d all be good to go.

I am now going to make a very conscious effort to not curse or yell, she’s not going to like how creative I am.  I do want her (and others) to realize that if she plans on working any job, she’s going to have to deal with people like me that yell, and curse, and stick her in a cubicle so she can’t be social and talk with her co-workers.   And they won’t love her as much as I do, and she won’t get any warnings, they will just fire her.  Maybe she’ll listen the first time then?

Let’s stop picking on my baby girl, because, as we all know, she ain’t the only innocent bird being blamed in this “who-done-it” mystery.


Grown adults are still trying to use this excuse.  GROWN ADULTS.  This mindset of “it’s not my fault” is running rampant in society.  We live in a world where you don’t have to own your failures, mis-fires, unfinished work, relationships, marriages.  Poor you, you were so mistreated, you don’t deserve that, you’re a good person, you’re so misunderstood, what a mean bitch, what an ass, I’m sure you did all you could, blah blah blah. Waaaaaaaaaaah!!!! (Insert Snooki voice)


D and I have heard both of our ex’s say these words “so it’s MY fault?”  Gee, I wonder where the kids got that from?  Yes, genius, it’s YOUR fault our child is failing Algebra because you won’t make her go to tutoring instead of cheerleading practice.  It’s YOUR fault you didn’t see your child more than 4 weeks out of the last 52, was I supposed to call you and remind you it was your weekend, drive to the exit and hope you were there?  It’s YOUR fault she is emotionally in an uproar because you won’t take her or let me take her to the counseling appointment.   It’s YOUR fault you don’t get her when you do want her because you call 1 day before and expect that we have no plans.  It’s not just our kids who don’t claim their wrongdoings!!!!!

We are in a time where no one wants to take the blame for the crap they are dealing with.  The repo man is here to get your car?  But I paid that bill!!!! (That tv show urks me)  If you paid it, he wouldn’t be hauling your car away.  Cheaters, another tv show, full of yelling, tears, fights, and TONS of excuses…you work all the time, you’re never home, I never get what I need from you.  Well welcome to the club.  If you don’t get what you need, get out.  You are the only one who can make people treat you correctly.  Television shows what kind of society we live in, it’s full of excuses on what we are entitled to, and what we have “put up with” and how we don’t deserve it, and of course, how WE didn’t do it.

Who done it?

Your life, and what happens in it, is solely your responsibility.  If you take that responsibility seriously your entire life, friends, relationships, jobs, and the way others treat you will change dramatically.  If YOU are the one who calls the shots and it is only up to YOU what happens in your life, then you won’t have to come up with excuses and blame and ride the “woe is me” train.  Why is it up to ANYONE but you to make sure you are doing the things you are supposed to? Newsflash!!!!!!!!! It’s not, unless you are a kid, and as I said earlier, that is only for a short period of time until you get to the real world.

Big Daddy knows I’m not at all the apologizing type, I don’t think the words “I’m sorry” know how to be formed in my mouth.  However, if you are accountable and can say “man, I dropped the ball on that one, I totally didn’t do what I was supposed to,” people will understand.  No one wants to hear how your alarm didn’t go off,  you ran out of gas, or you just forgot, or how no one told you, or “it’s ALWAYS my fault.”  If you’ve said any of those things, ever, guess who’s fault it was.  Yep.  You won’t believe how much more understanding people are that you are human when you admit to being at fault for something.

Why?  Because we all screw up.  Not one of us is without fault.  We are all forgiven for those faults because of what Jesus did on the cross for us, however, in order to receive that pardon, you have to admit you aren’t perfect and you are a sinner and can’t do it without Him.

You must be accountable in your responsibilities, your actions and words, and your goals.  There is no one that wants and can attain those things for you, but you (and God).  Even God doesn’t believe your crap, because He won’t give it to you unless you work for it.  If He can see through your lame excuses that’s all that matters, you might be able to fool the rest of us (not me), but you aren’t fooling Him.

I could go on here, I was going to touch on many more aspects of what not to do when you realize something isn’t going your way, but let’s work on one thing at a time.


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Disclaimer:  I am not perfect, nor do I think I am, or have I ever thought I was.  I do think I’m smart, and sometimes I know more than certain people on a subject.  Sometimes I don’t.  This time I do.

I’d also like to thank Big Daddy for understanding that I had to come down (I started this after midnight) and put this on paper (draft) or I wouldn’t be able to sleep.  See, unless one of us is ill (migraine, or sick), we go to bed together, no matter what.  So if he’s tired and I’m not, we go to bed together.  If he’s wide awake and I’m beat, I stay up with him.  If I’m on a roll with knitting…he’s suffering through a movie until I’m ready.  It’s all for one around here.  So, thanks Baby…you rock.

This post may seem harsh to some, because normally I reserve my “stop being stupid” talks for those close to me, and don’t go throwing out tough love on the internet.  I have a rep to uphold:)  No, in all seriousness, my blog, my FB page are all me.  I do have bad days, and I do have things that I’d love to talk about, but I want to be uplifting, and positive, and happy.  It’s a choice.

I don’t want anyone to think that this post is asking people to not speak up when they need love, compassion, advice, or when they have the occasional bad day.  This post is for people who are whine filter challenged.  If you’re still reading after that introduction – you’re awesome.

No one really cares if your miserable, so you might as well be happy. – Cynthia Nelms

It’s been brewing for a while, I’m normally very nice and understanding, we all have bad days.  We all want to sit in a corner (or under our comforter) and cry, and write nasty letters about how wrong this person is, or how bad this situation sucks or poor me.  There are those that do it often (and sometimes for the world to see through social networking sites), and there are those of us that wallow for a second (or 10 minutes) and then realize that everyone else has crap they are dealing with too.  I’m breathing, I have a bed, I have a roof to be under, I just ate, and my family is healthy…so what the hell do I have to be whiney about?  There are those of us that try to be positive, because life does suck sometimes, and when it really blows I want to be able to say so and people not think “here she goes again.”  And trust me, I could make you think that about me.  I could tell you stories about ex’s (mine and his), kids, family, friends, work, that would make you wonder how I stay so positive.  But, I don’t…why you ask? Becauuuuuuuuuuuuse…

  1. NO ONE GIVES A CRAP about my drama.  If they do, they are drama llama’s and need to get a life.  Those that thrive on drama tend to create it. Not once have I had someone ask me why I don’t blog about drama, or why my status updates on FB aren’t more drama filled…why you ask?  Because I don’t associate with people that like drama, you can ask my family, I cut out the drama queens like fat off chicken (I hate fat on my chicken).  I will not hesitate to drop you and not look back.  (Aside from those that I’m genetically contractually bound to.)
  2. NO ONE LIKES A WHINER.  No one cares that your friends are lame, or that you don’t like _____, or that work sucks (thanks Captain Obvious), no one cares that your ex is an asshole, they are all assholes or they wouldn’t be ex’s so stop pointing it out and proving how not over them you are by even mentioning them.  We don’t give a crap that you’re sad because no one understands you, or you want ____ to change in your life.  We only care if you are tired of it and you are stating to us that you are going to make a change for the better and rid yourself of the situation you are in, no matter who created it for you, only YOU are responsible for changing it and moving past it.  Other people are responsible for how they treat you, you are responsible for putting up with it, or stopping it.

Yep, that’s right, we don’t.

I’ve said that to say this…we all need people that love us, we all need to vent, we all need to feel that people care about us.  But if we choose to wallow, guilt trip, whine, do nothing, drag others down, create drama for a reaction, and otherwise be a drain on those that care, at some point they will have enough and drop you like the hot mess you are.  You may not think people think that about you, but the silence of your friends speaks as loud as those that speak up and will tell you to your face that you need to get your head out of your ass.  Some people are too scared that you are fragile and can’t handle a harsh “tough love” pep talk…then there are the rest of us that would want our family and friends to encourage us to raise up, remove your head from your ass, and DO SOMETHING about what you’re whining about.

If you have more than one person, pointing out the error of your ways, or that you are wrong, or that you need to rethink things, or “hey, get off your ass and do something,” and you can’t think of ONE reason this group of people would ever say anything to guide you in the wrong direction, or why they would ever want you to fail.  MAYBE, just maybe, you’re wrong.  If there’s more than one person telling you that something smells bad, and it’s your attitude, it might be true.

I can relate to this “wrong” theory (it’s hard for me, I’m not wrong that often – but I’ll try to relate it as best I can).  Big Daddy has mentioned (and I talked about in previous posts) my “forceful opinions.”  I tend to not listen when I think I’m right, which is all the time – I mean, who doesn’t think they are right all the time?  What’s the point of being if you don’t think you’re right?  Anyways, once he said that, I’d never had anyone tell me that, in that way, the nice way.  He was trying to be subtle about it, and nice, but what he meant to say was what I’ve heard my whole life…”you can be a hardheaded bitch when you want to be.”  He’ll never admit it, but it’s what he meant.  He’s right.  BUT, he said it with love, in a way I could relate to and understand.  Because when someone tells you you’re a bitch, if they are right, you’re just going to prove their point.  I now, whether he knows it or not, try to remember that I will fight to the death over crap that means nothing to either one of us, just so he will say “you’re right.”  He also knows now to just say “we’re done talking about it” and move on, change the subject, divert my attention, because I’m not giving up and he doesn’t want to fight over stupid crap.  He’s learned me…faster than anyone else ever has.  It’s quite a change from what I’ve had in my life for as long as I can remember.  I’m still working on it, and I’m failing, because we just had that “we’re done talking about it” conversation a few days ago over some work crap…that was so important I can’t even remember what it was now, yet I was prepared to fight to the death over it.  (I admitted it – that’s called GROWTH!)

I’ve recently dealt with 3 instances of people like this, and I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of having to listen to excuses, diversions, and the “it’s not my fault” theory.  I don’t know when it became ok to publicly not take responsibility for the situation you are in.  If it is only me on the crusade I will gladly take it upon myself to pull people’s heads out of their asses and give a dose of reality.  I’ve surrounded myself with people that hold no punches and would do the same for me.

I leave you with words of wisdom from my crudely eloquent father:

Shit or get off the pot. (Either do it or quit talking about it)

Wish in one hand, poop in the other and see which fills up first. (Quit whining)

“My throat hurts when I cough” or “My leg hurts when I walk” or “I can’t get this to work doing it this way” – his answer was always “Then don’t do that.” (If it’s not working, don’t do it, or do it another way)


Edit: My blog buddy drew my attention to her post from July 2010 – she covers what I left out.

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