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Archive for the ‘30 Days of Truth’ Category

If you had asked me this over a year ago, I could have named a million bands/songs/playlists and explained why they were a staple in my life.  They still do, but lyrics used to mean so much more to me because I felt like I wasn’t heard.  When you are heard, and happy, the songs you like change, the way you hear them change, and you hear different meanings to lyrics than you did before.

Now, I just enjoy the music on my iPod and don’t use it as a soundtrack to my life.

I’m going to get fired for not answering these questions.

~Mel

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This is weird.  I don’t even know how to answer this one, so I will try to answer just to get past it.

If I were to say “I never get compliments on my amazing cooking” or “I’m a humble person and no one acknowledges it,” that would kind of defeat the purpose of a compliment about that trait, because then it would just be bragging that I told you.

Those are both off the wall examples, because I neither cook amazingly or am humble.  I was just giving examples.  If the question were “what would you like people to be able to compliment you on” my answer would be:

  • my amazing shoe wardrobe
  • how well I can cook biscuits
  • discovering a cure for diseases
  • my financial success

Since those are all things I will never get compliments on, I feel that I have answered this question.  NEXT!

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This one was so hard it took 2 weeks to come up with an answer.  I kid, I kid.

In a conversation with an old new friend the other day I was told something I’ve heard many times over the years.  She said:

“I am tired and this year either I turn to apathy or I step up to be comfortable with my thoughts and feelings – not every one else’s.  Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? All that to say, I admire that you don’t have that struggle.”

She was very eloquent and I said to her “that’s the nice way of saying ‘you’re a bitch Mel…I admire that.'”  She laughed and said that she didn’t think that at all.  Our conversation continued with my explanation:

 

“I used to be proud of that, and not hesitate to speak my mind, but it’s like we talked about before, 9 out of 10 times you don’t have to say anything, people make asses of themselves – with no effort at all on your part. I stopped calling people out and just started passively ignoring the offense and they tend to take care of themselves. Either they are so “offended” that I don’t engage in the game that they don’t want to talk to me anymore, or they end up realizing friendship is more important and stop the behavior. Either way, I’m free from having to show my ass, and therefore a LOT less stressed.”

I had much less eloquently stated the same point in a previous conversation with this same friend:

“I’ve learned lots, I don’t let things like that get to me, silence is golden, and quite scary to some people. I’m very calm and quite a “lady” when it comes to people that piss me off. It takes a lot of restraint, but it’s worth it to see how much of an A$& people can make of themselves without you having to lift a finger.”

So, people seem to admire and compliment me on caring enough…but not enough to put up with BS.  Which I think, is a good quality trait.  I have, in the past, cared too much for people that obviously did not give a crap about me.   So, to be commended on standing up for myself is quite a feat.

I warned you.

I am proud to be who I am, and I make no apologies for those that can’t get their act together.  We all make our own choices and some of us should choose better.

~Mel

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Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Shameless cute baby pic because nothing else goes with this post.

Yep, I’m doing two tonight.  Why, because I can’t come up with an answer and I wanna get to the fun truth days already!   So, here we go, short, sweet and to the point.

09 – my ex sister-in-law

10 – honest answer – I don’t keep people around that I don’t like or don’t want to deal with because I don’t have time for it, so, no one.

There.  Told you.

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Hola…it’s been a little while since I did one of these.   After trick or treating tonight, J and C came in and were discussing their loot, we had to fill Big Daddy in on the past and the candy wars.  My children were actually yelled at and their candy was taken from them by my ex…yes, a grown man taking the kids candy, and getting mad if they hid it from him (since they knew his M.O.) and told him no.  I kid you not.  I was going to blog about that, but I don’t want to paint him out to be the ass he was, or devote that much time to him.  So, I read this question and decided it was proper for tonight.

I’m torn on this one, between being honest on paper (blog post) and just letting it go without mention.  It seems that even if I’m not comfortable enough to “air my dirty laundry” that it at least makes me think to myself and face what it is I’m mulling through my head when one of these questions asks something that I’d rather not talk about.  So, with that, I’ll be as vague as possible.  I also don’t really feel the need to relive this kinda crap, or mull it over, I don’t want to waste time think about the past.  No good will come from me rehashing what an ass he was (even though it’s fun sometimes to point out how much of an ass he was/is).

Who baked that pie?

It’s hard to actually admit when you are in the middle of something how bad it is,  we are (or should be) programmed to run as far away as possible.  However, most of us, women and men, in relationships, tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, make excuses, or be a martyr for “the greater good.”  When the greater good is a marriage many things can be overlooked, or forgiven, or “evened out” (he does ____, but he’s a hard worker) to make it seem like things aren’t where they are…which is in the shitter (sorry there’s no eloquent way to put that).  Problem is, he’s made the commitment to you to be a husband, to love, honor, cherish, provide, nurture and protect you – when did his job/income earn the right to have more respect and care than you?  I’m getting off track.  It’s not about the job, or the respect of the job, that’s just a little piece of the BS pie you’re being served.  His argument – “who cares if I don’t treat you right, I make great money, and hold a job, and bought you a great house, now shut up and bring me a drink.”  Better be careful lest you get a special drink one day.

So, yes, to answer the question, someone has made my life hell, treated me like shit, treated me like no one deserves to be treated.  I wasn’t beat, or hit, never anything done to me where I was in danger physically.  Emotionally, you don’t realize how bad off you are until you get away from those that put you down, control you, and don’t have your best interests in mind.

Big Daddy and his girls

On a side-note to this question, I would not be where I am had this person not treated me like crap, and played it out to the point that made me say enough is enough.  For that, I’d live it a million times over to get to where I am now.  Not that I want to return, but if I knew through that BS what was waiting for me on the other side, I would have thanked God a lot sooner for bringing me through it.  I would have thanked him while I was dealing with it.  We never know where the journey ends (or begins in my case), but we should always trust that it’s a better place and God knows much more about what he’s doing than we do.

To him:  thanks for being an asshole, the truth of your words, thoughts, actions and heart proved what you were worth…your money couldn’t purchase the amazing love and life I have now.

~Mel

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The reason I wake up (usually by noon).

My kids.  There is no way possible to pick just ONE of them.  They are both amazing in their own ways.  They are both equally trying in their own ways.  I’ve wanted to hug them and hurt them at the same time…sometimes both of them at the same time!  My kids are wonderful.  They have loved me and been my support team through many life changes.  I’ve made their lives hard sometimes by decisions I’ve made, and they’ve returned the favor.  We’ve grown up together, and I warn them, just as my mother did, it’s going to come back ten-fold (so be careful what you put me through).

My boy, my bubba – he is me with boy parts…the most loyal, loving, smart, handsome, charismatic kid I’ve ever met.  There is NO ONE that doesn’t like him when they meet him.  He comes off shy, or withdrawn until he knows he can trust you not to judge him.  If you judge him he’ll just ignore you, he has no time for it.  He’ll argue his point until you give up or shut up, he doesn’t know when to hush, but he stands his ground and he isn’t a follower.  He’s always up for making a buck, and one day will own his own business selling you things you (don’t)need and can’t do without.  He will always take cash over a gift card (and if you give him a giftcard he is not afraid to try to sell it back to you).  <—-He is not tactful.  He’s a skater, and he likes more genre’s of music than I can name (techno, house, rap, rock, screamo, metal, oldies, reggae, old boy band pop LOL, and yes, even some gospel music)…but not country.  He will kick your ass if you lay a hand on me – and I will do the same if you touch him.  I love my boy, I couldn’t ask for a better son.

My beautiful noodle, punky – she is me…22 years ago.  She is girly girl, talk your ear off, happy, loving, nurturing and everything I ever wanted in a daughter.  She makes friends everywhere, and does not have any enemies.  Even those that “don’t like her” she still wants to talk to and will be friends with if they decide they want her friendship.  She is musically inclined, can carry a great tune, and can dance like her momma – which scares me.   She’s made mistakes and learned lessons, and is still learning them.   Her mind is always going, she’s a great student, always does well in class, and loves to learn.  She is my biggest fan, and her idea of a fun night is playing a game and doing our nails together.  She still loves to “love” on me before going to bed, she can’t go to sleep without me tucking her in, but she insists I don’t call her by her nickname in public.  Her mothering skills are amazing, she has always taken care of me when my migraines strike, complete with thermometer, a medicine time list, food and drink at regular intervals and making sure I have all I need.  Her nurturing spirit has shown through even more lately while taking care of her nephew.  She can change, burp, feed, play with, and love him like she’s been a mom for years.  I look forward to seeing her as a grown woman enjoying her own children one day and experiencing the joy of parenting a child like her.

My children have kept me going on may occasions.  It’s safe to say without them I don’t think I’d have made it this far.

~Mel

Sidenote: I want to say that my husband has turned many things around in my life.  He’s become a new reason worth living for.  I also have a brand new reason…baby J, that boy has me wrapped already.

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This was very easy to answer, not fun to type and as honest as it gets.  It’s every parent’s nightmare.

Bury my children.

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