We are on couple number 3 (4 if you include yours truly last week)! You can see all the Marriage Works couples here. So far I’ve had some great feedback, mainly on FB or via email, but I’d love some comments and encouragement for our couples here. So please take a moment and let them know you appreciate their candid answers. I have had a few constructive comments that stood out, one was that there wasn’t enough questions, that I didn’t get input from a husband, and another that I shouldn’t ask about sex. While I’m totally open to ideas, I disagree about the sex comment. Sex is totally relevant, important and ok to discuss when writing about marriage. I also ask lots of questions and no one has answered any question they didn’t want to. I’m working on the husband’s responses and more/different questions for future couples though!
Let’s meet today’s couple! Roger (27) and Rachel (25) are a little younger than our past couples and married much younger than anyone so far! Just goes to show you that happy marriages come in all sizes. It doesn’t matter where you are in marriage, it matters how you relate and work together to make your marriage work.
How did you meet?
High school Spanish class. I was a sophomore and him a senior. We both got dumped, I already had a dress for prom, but couldn’t go without an upper classmen, so I asked if he’d go with me.
How long did you know each other/date before getting engaged?
1 year (my junior year of high school)
How long were you engaged?
1 year (2 weeks after my high school graduation)
How long have you been married?
What is your favorite verse/passage?
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own
Are you and your spouse Christian?
Yes, I was baptized around 9 and I baptized my husband at church camp while we were dating… he was 18.
Do you practice submission in your marriage? Why or why not? Did your vows include “obey”?
Yes. Honestly, I didn’t think about the obey issue until now. However, I’d probably still include it if we were to redo vows. He is the head of the house and I am to submit to him. He is the one with the responsibility to answer for our family on the day of judgment, and I respect his choices. He respects me enough to get my input.
How often do you go on a date?
Roughly every 2-3 weeks. 90% of time a movie and cheap/quick dinner.
What is your personal biggest weakness? How do you try to control it in your marriage?
Biggest weakness is sarcasm. It is very difficult and I’m still working on it. I am trying to take breathing breaks and relax mid-conversations.
If you could go back with all the knowledge you have…what advice would you give to your “before married” self about your spouse?
When we were dating, he was very romantic (flowers, poems, etc.) Once we got married, the poems stopped (though I ask for them at as gifts occasionally and small thoughtful things less often). I wish I just would’ve had a heads up that was going to happen.
How many children do you have/want?
2 girls. 3.5 and 12 months. We’re done.
What is your favorite advice given to you about marriage/spouses?
How satisfied are you both with your intimate time and the frequency?
Frequency is not enough. We both think it should be weekly. I’m sure he’d like it twice a week, I’m more fine with once every 1-2 weeks. I thought I’d be more sensual once I got married (virgin at wedding), but it’s just not really in me. I enjoy it once start, but I usually must plan for it if I know I’ll be initiating.
Short and sweet, and I just love them! Rachel, if you’re reading (and I hope you are), I think you aren’t alone in your assertion about how gifts and romance (or things you perceive as romantic) often stop or slow down. Just as many things change after marriage, like date nights, sex, conversations, romance is one of those that often takes a hit. I’d like to encourage you to show him this post and hopefully he’ll see an opportunity, or even bring it up to him in a non-confrontational way. It’s not the time to say “you never do ____ anymore,” but at the right time and with the right tone you could say “I was thinking, I really loved when you used to write me poems or get me flowers. I kind of miss them, is there anything you miss that I used to do?” Maybe it will open up a dialogue and you’ll find out why, as in, does he think you don’t like them? Did he run out of words (lol, I doubt it)? Time? Does he think you “know” already how much he loves you and don’t need them? I think a gentle nudge might get him and you back on track with both doing things you used to!
What other questions should I include? Do you have a question or want to play along? Comment here with your email and we’ll get it set up!