Edit: This is the first in my “submission” posts. Please read the others:
Submission…when he’s lovin’ you better be submittin’.
The following was my comment on a blog post that has since been deleted. The post was discussing how Christian women were “doormats” and being controlled because they were too dumb to speak up, or because they were in abusive relationships and needed a way to feel “validated” for staying. The writer claimed that Christian women in submissive roles in their marriage were weak and needed to get out. This could be no further from the truth. On to my comment.
So many people fail to realize the importance of keeping their mouths shut because they insist on being right all of the time. I assure you, I know no one like that 😀 I lie. This selfless, putting others first, unconditional love, desire to better the other person, put their needs above yours, is the foundation of ANY good marriage, religion or not. Let me also say that religious and Christian to me are very different. I feel that I could be one and not the other, however I am both.
My background is normal, I was raised very strict legalistic Baptist (no pants, no rock music, hymns out the ying-yang), and then was moved to the South and learned what the SBC was. I’ve been religious and not religious at many times in my life. My best times are always when I am closest to God.
Ok, I’m hijacking your comments. I just really wanted to say, since there is no “Christian married woman” comment on here…
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up to the cross for her.
My vows to my now husband included these verses, at my request, at our agreement after we had both mentioned them while dating. I am very headstrong, very opinionated (his word for me is “forceful opinions“), yet everything, yes EVERYTHING is either run by him, or he is informed of my decision after I make the call if I don’t feel I need to consult him. I normally don’t need to consult him since I try to pay attention to what he says and know what he’d say. The verses in no way demean my ability to make a decision, carry out my own ideas, or plan things without his knowledge. They simply allow me the freedom to not have to make EVERY choice there is to make. Which is totally freeing. I don’t know how many times I’ve felt overwhelmed before in marriage (not to him) and wished JUST ONCE I had help and didn’t have to be the final word on things. Or that someone cared enough to say “hey, let’s do it this way” not “that’s not right, I can’t believe you did that” or some other demeaning type of comment.
The verse “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church” in no way makes me feel like some meek little thoughtless nothing. As a Christian, without Christ as the head, we have no reason to believe in God or listen to him, so of course I agree with that…so I say, just as I have the freedom to listen to Christ (and mess up royally if I don’t) I have the freedom to listen or not listen to my husband. I’ve learned in both instances that my not listening doesn’t get me very far, because more than likely I’m making it harder on myself, or just not thinking of the best way to deal with something. My husband proved his worth/position many times before we married with his advice on topics I was concerned about, or asked his opinion on. He always had a fresh idea, or a common sense explanation or way to handle things. THAT is why I agreed to those verses in my vows, because he’s proven he’s smart and I have no reason not to submit.
Now, let’s talk about HIS commitment (which is so much harder than mine). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up to the cross for her.” Oh wow. The Bible never said I HAD to love him. (Lucky for me and him I do though). He is commanded to love me, as Christ loved the church, Christ DIED for us. DIED. That means, when I’m totally wrong, upset, hardheaded, annoying, no make-up, burnt dinner, not cleaned the house, yelling at a kid, having a headache…ALL OF IT…he has to LOVE ME. He can’t say “nope, you’re wrong, sorry, don’t love you today.” Nope. Can’t do it. If you know me…I’m quite a piece of work. I have quirks and “forceful opinions” and lots of crap that would drive people crazy, but him, he has to love me through all of that.
I have to submit to him, which when he’s loving me though all of my moods and problems, is a piece of cake. God knew what he was commanding.
I think I got the better end of that deal.
Good book to read: Love and Respect By Emerson Eggerichs