The holidays are my favorite time of year. I LIVE for Christmas shopping/giving to others. I get a shopping high picking out just the right present. Crafts, cooking, spending time with family, decorating, shopping, trees, Christmas movies – you get the idea. So once Halloween hits, and we move into November, I am in heaven (not that the rest of the year sucks). I’ve noticed, for a few years now, that it used to take FOREVER for Christmas to get here. FOR-EVER. I couldn’t wait to get to Christmas morning. Now it seems like it’s too quick. There are about 26 days until Christmas, and I’m only halfway done with my shopping. Join me in the panic…ok, now let’s move on.
I am going to enjoy this wonderful holiday season (insert Hallmark stamp and “It’s the most…wonderful time…of the year” song) by dwelling in the moment on each of the family holidays, long weekends, traditions, and all that good stuff. Hence the reason this post is a little late, I was too busy dwelling to want to write anything.
My Thanksgiving this year was great. I made it a point to not spend too much time online (possibly a New Years’ resolution there), and enjoy the long weekend with no work and a mix of family time and “no kid” time. This year, I have a new home, new family (in-laws, new daughter, daughter-in-law-to-be, Grandson), new husband (SCORE!) and all over, a new outlook on what it means to be happy and thankful.
December 11th will be one year since my life changed course. It was the day I decided life was too short, and it was much more important to enjoy it fully than to worry about what I had, or what I could have, or what I wanted that I was never going to get. It was the day I decided that I had enough and that there is, in fact, a limit to how much crap someone will take before they decide they are done. Words that we should all heed.
During the decision and soon after I had no clue what I was doing, or which way I was going to go. I only knew that I couldn’t remain where I was. I depended on my family, and the few friends that remain close to me even across the miles. I am thankful I had the means, soundness of mind, support, and balls to leave.
Had I not left when I did, I would probably still be there, just like I had been for years leading up to that day. I was used to it, surrendered to it. As much as I wanted to leave, and talked about it, and thought about it, I didn’t have enough of a desire to believe that there was much more out there. Which brings me to my second thing I’m thankful for this year.
I am thankful that God placed me where he did, when he did. I am thankful for being where I was and having what I had in life, and lacking what I was lacking in life, in order to make me realize now what I was missing. If I did not experience what an unhealthy relationship was, or have to live with the daily struggles of trying make excuses and talk myself out of how bad it was, I would not know now how much of a blessing my life and relationship with my husband is. As messed up as it sounds (because no one should be like him), I am thankful that he-who-shall-not-be-named was the way he was, I learned from it, and I would not be where I am.
This year has been filled with so many new things and great new people. Many learning opportunities, new things to get used to, old thoughts to get past, different ways to do something. All leading me further from where I was and closer to where I know I am supposed to be. I am no longer wondering where I belong, or if this is all life has to offer. If it is, I am content and happy, before I had come to grips with knowing I’d probably never know what happy was, so I might as well just be happy where I was. I don’t feel like I have succumb to where I am because there is nothing better out there. I am thankful I have found the better place (and husband).
As I sit here typing, and think of the changes this last year has brought I am most thankful for the ability to recognize all that is good in my life.
There are people that don’t know what they have, or don’t care until it is too late. I am not one of those people, and for that I am thankful.