Health decisions and Vaccination

Written in 2014 and republished with link updates in 2021.

My oldest children are 21 and 16, my husband has a 17 year old. All fully vaccinated. Hubs developed adult onset epilepsy about 10 years ago. Many seizures, neurologist appts, tests, 2 meds daily to manage and keep him from having them – not one reason for them coming on. Three years ago (at 14) his healthy daughter had a seizure in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason. Just out of the blue. Hasn’t had one since, all tests “normal,” no meds. We didn’t think we could have children, however I became pregnant last year and we had our beautiful daughter 8.5 months ago. While pregnant I read up on EVERYTHING, since it had been 15 years since I had a baby. I was STUNNED to learn that not only was I scared, pushed and lied to about vaccination from many doctors and even well meaning publications (and the CDC), but that vaccinations were not mandatory, not safe, and not even proven to stop the diseases they claim to. In addition, they cause many reactions in many children. It still saddens me when I read the words “my child is required to have shots to go to school.” People still don’t know they have rights, and that vaccines aren’t required, just recommended.

Healthy and happy!

My personal history is that of many allergies to foods and medicines. I am allergic to everything from antibiotics (we’re talking epipen necessity) to baking soda.

While pregnant I started looking into car seats, strollers, medications during labor, and vaccines. I learned that there are 4 vaccines given before age 1 year that have clearly written contraindications for people with epilepsy, seizure disorders or that have a FIRST line family member with epilepsy or seizure disorders. That means that our baby has TWO contraindications for 4 different shots. That means that she could react to 4 different vaccinations given to her with seizure, or recurring seizures. What that meant for us was learning more ASAP. Would these government agencies, nurses, doctors, people on the internet claiming non-vaxers are irresponsible come and take care of my daughter every time she seized? Would they lose sleep? Would they monitor her daily and make sure she had the meds she needed for the rest of her life? No. Guess who would…US, her parents.

We used our doc, our brains, our library, online sources, the CDC, and government studies, data, including the FULL inserts in vaccines. Words like “should wait, probably shouldn’t be vaccinated, might safely receive” didn’t make us feel confident or comfortable in putting various ingredients in our perfect baby girl. For us, she is home with both of us because we work from home, she isn’t exposed to much outside the home, and she is still EBF at 8.5 months. The likelihood of her contracting every disease that people vaccinate against is minuscule compared to the side effects from the disease or vaccine. We read about the actual numbers of people that got each disease, in each state, and those that died from said diseases in the past few years (this is on the CDC site). It’s not what the media would have you to believe. It wasn’t a concern for us as much as pushing her into epilepsy was.

Our big girl!

Will she grow up to have epilepsy? We don’t know, but she doesn’t have it now, she has never felt the pain of a needle, the fever, never had “the scream” and never (thanks to God) been sick. She has had a few well visits (because we can weigh and measure her at home). We are confident in our choice and are proud of the freedom and intelligence to protect our child.

UPDATE 8/9/15:  She is now 21 months, growing wonderfully, ahead of developmental milestones and totally a boob girl still (with no weaning in sight).  We have had one bout of sickness, and that was 4 day after her 12 month “well check” – she developed major diarrhea and had it for about 2 weeks.  When we brought her back in on the 5th day post well check (where she was totally healthy), to get her diaper rash looked at, the doc said it was likely RV that she had caught FROM THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE.  Nothing special, no freaking out, just diarrhea and lots of fluids and bf.  Aside from that one issue, she hasn’t had any other illness (no fevers, viruses, ear issues, stomach issues, allergies etc).  We are thrilled to have such a happy, healthy girl and are even more confident in our choices.

UPDATE 1/3/16:

Hubs had 2 back to back breakthrough seizures in December.  Again,no answers, no discernible causes. Just further confirms how we don’t want that life for Hannah.

Hollywood

Remember, you won’t find everything in one spot, and each child and family medical history are different.  So look for things that pertain to your family and RESEARCH.

We started here, with the questions to ask before vaccinating:
http://www.nvic.org/Ask-Eight-Questions.aspx

The CDC actually IS great for stats and deep information, you just have to go past the first few pages where they over-recommend vaccines and downplay the reactions while over-stating the disease likelihood.

This is the latest compilation of actual cases of EACH disease in the US by state. You can see how many people actually had something rather than the media reports of an epidemic of 20 vaccinated people. These are stats from 2012 because it takes about 6 months to get all the stats in and post them. So the 2013 stats aren’t even up yet.

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6233a6.htm…

UPDATE 8/9/15: Here is the 2013 report.  If you google “cdc 2013 Reports of Nationally Notifiable Infectious Diseases” and change the year as needed you can find whichever year you want.
http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6332a6.htm

Next is my favorite! It’s the PUBMED/PMC (you can search ANY key word and change the drop down to search Pubmed OR PMC). Beware though, a large bit of this information is studies PROPOSED or sent in by others. These are not all confirmed or accepted studies. Some are done by doctors to propose new trials and some are just college papers submitted with their “thoughts”. Know what you are reading and don’t base your choices on a paper that is not medically sound. PUBMED is where I found the full studies done and recommendations on Pertussis and the DTaP which was the deciding factor for us on vaccinating. The paper outlined contraindications of health issues in people that should not receive it. My DH and his other daughter have undefined seizures, he has adult onset epilepsy and she has had seizures with no explanation…therefore Hannah has the contraindication against the Pertussis vaccine in her first line family. In the papers on PubMed (which are US studies and official recommendations) this is a clear contraindication. According to the CDC and our family doctor (who knows my husband is epileptic and on 2 meds for it), she is still recommended to get the shot UNTIL she has a reaction. No thanks, assholes.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/

Here is another CDC reference. It is the people who should not get vaccinated. I find this interesting that just about every vaccine is recommended no matter WHAT. However look at their scientific words like “probably should” “should usually not” “should usually wait” “may usually not” – there are no definitive words they are all protecting their asses against someone coming back and saying “you said it was ok, but my kid had a reaction of _____.” I just don’t want to stake my child’s life and quality of life on a mad push for every “vaccine” known to man that may not work or may not protect her. I can’t base her health on guesses like those. Oh, and be sure to read the part where they will give things to a pregnant woman or a woman who becomes pregnant and they nicely provide an 800 number so adverse reactions can be reported – that means they haven’t studied those reactions or vaccines and that those calling that number with reactions ARE THE STUDY. Be sure to read the DTaP portion of the reactions that should not have another dose. Would you want your kid going through that reaction the first time? I don’t.

http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd-vac/should-not-vacc.htm

I have tons more of stats and studies and science that has convinced us why we aren’t vaccinating, but you should learn to sift through for yourself. I just beg that you don’t read the main page of CDC that says everything is a slight fever or pain at the injection site and “normal”…that’s not complete information.

If you are told you must vaccinate to attend school or daycare, know that you do not.  All 50 states allow exemptions, and it is a legal right to exempt out.  Simply fill out the correct form for your state and turn it in as you would an immunization record.  If you have an issue with it, feel free to contact your local health department for clarification.
http://www.nvic.org/Vaccine-Laws/state-vaccine-requirements.aspx

This information is on seizures and the MMR-V/MMR vaccine, direct from the CDC about the risks and information parents should be given at a doctor’s office.  What’s shocking is that most parents have never been told these risks and are unaware of the risk to children with family histories of seizures. Febrile seizures are neither normal or ok, but they are COMMON and more COMMON in vaccinated children with a family history of seizures.
https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd/mmr/hcp/vacopt-faqs-hcp.html

Here are some FB pages that I also like, but as always there are memes and stats shared that you must research and question, and there are always anecdotal stories shared. Both sides share anecdotes and false information and scare tactics, so it’s imperative that you look into the ones that interest you and your family.

Family Health Freedom Network
Great Mothers (and others) Questioning Vaccines
National Vaccine Information Center
Dr. Tenpenny on Vaccines
Cosmic Cog
Vaccination Information Network (VINE)

If you are asked or TOLD to sign a waiver or refusal letter DO NOT.  You can state that you’ll take it home and have your lawyer review.  You can get up and leave.
http://www.vaclib.org/legal/donotsign.htm

This is the form they want you to sign (be sure to read the introduction).  It is soley to “scare” you and have you admit negligence.
http://www2.aap.org/immunization/pediatricians/pdf/refusaltovaccinate.pdf

Here is a form you can print out and sign instead if you feel you want to put something in your file and they insist.
http://www.vaclib.org/exempt/files/AAPmodified.pdf

More references for information:

Here is a list from the CDC of ingredients.
http://www.cdc.gov/…/appendices/B/excipient-table-2.pdf

It came from this page (and I caution, don’t believe the “front page” of anything on the CDC, read deeper, for yourself):
http://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vac-gen/additives.htm

Then I used this article to help me understand what “levels” of these additives were “safe” or acceptable for my child’s size.  Then we made a decision after looking up even more things we figured out.

http://vaxtruth.org/2011/08/vaccine-ingredients/

The following links came from many different friends and others that have shared them.  I found them helpful in creating questions about more things we didn’t know about.  Then we looked up answers on our own.

http://journeyboost.com/2015/06/02/my-dear-friend-its-about-vaccines/

http://www.thehealthyhomeeconomist.com/best-resources…/

http://www.nvic.org/Vaccines-and-Diseases.aspx

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/…/d7XAJIIN1l0/s1600/Vax+Front.jpg
http://www.greatmothersquestioningvaccines.com/

http://www.immunitionltd.com/ebook/vaccination.htm
http://beforeitsnews.com/…/50-reasons-not-to-vaccinate…

https://docs.google.com/document/pub…

http://www.thinktwice.com/birthcon.htm

http://www.ageofautism.com/…/things-to-know-or-do-when…

http://www.conservativechristianmom.blogspot.com/2014/01/we-just-made-very-unpopular-decision-in.html

List of peer reviewed studies

http://therefurbishedrogue.wordpress.com/…/my-list-of…/

http://www.getholistichealth.com/…/5-vaccines-to-never…/

http://www.vaccinationcouncil.org/…/revelations-by…/
http://therefusers.com/…/vaccine-dangers-bombshell…/…

http://www.pakalertpress.com/…/50-reasons-not-to…/

http://www.thelibertybeacon.com/…/9-magic-words-prove…/

http://worldtruth.tv/vaccinations-are-not-immunizations/

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/…/8-reasons-i-havent…

http://naturalsociety.com/publicized-study-vaccination…/

http://healthimpactnews.com/…/dr-kurt-why-i-will-never…/

http://www.greenmedinfo.com/…/8-more-reasons-i-haven%E2…

http://childhealthsafety.wordpress.com/graphs/

http://qbit.cc/…/oil-adjuvant-induced-autoimmunity…

http://vaxtruth.org/2011/08/vaccines-do-not-cause-autism/

http://tradeoutthishatewithlove.wordpress.com/…/expose…/

http://www.drkurtperkins.com/…/my-crystal-clear-stance…

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pdLMeULoujM

Risk of febrile seizures

https://thereisnoherdimmunity.wordpress.com/2016/02/01/vaccine-induced-herd-immunity-is-scientifically-impossible/

Personal notes:

IMR/SIDS/Vaccine numbers by country

http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/00053391.htm

MMR vaccination, like other causes of fever, may cause febrile seizures. The risk for such seizures is approximately 1 case per 3,000 doses of MMR vaccine administered (168). Studies have not established an association between MMR vaccination and residual seizure disorders (150). Although children with personal or family histories of seizures are at increased risk for idiopathic epilepsy, febrile seizures after vaccinations do not increase the probability that epilepsy or other neurologic disorders will subsequently develop in these children. Most convulsions that occur after measles vaccination are simple febrile seizures, which affect children who do not have other known risk factors for seizure disorders.

Antipyretics may prevent febrile seizures after MMR vaccination if administered before the onset of fever and continued for 5-7 days. However, antipyretics are difficult to use for this purpose because the onset of fever is often sudden and occurs unpredictably. Seizures can occur early in the course of fever. Parents should be vigilant for fever that occurs after vaccination and should be counseled regarding its appropriate treatment. Use of aspirin during some illnesses in childhood is associated with the occurrence of Reye syndrome. Therefore, aspirin generally should not be used to prevent or control fever among children and adolescents.

The 5%-7% of children who have either a personal history of convulsions or a parent or sibling with history of convulsions may be at increased risk for febrile convulsions after MMR vaccination (184). The precise risk has not been measured, but appears to be minimal. On the other hand, febrile seizures occur commonly among children in whom measles disease develops, and the risk for acquiring measles is substantial. Therefore, the benefits of administering MMR vaccine to children with a personal or family history of convulsions substantially outweigh the risks and these children should be vaccinated following the recommendations for children who have no contraindications.

The parents of children who have either a personal or family history of seizures should be advised of the benefits of vaccination and the minimal increased risk for seizures, which generally occur 5-14 days after measles vaccination. Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS)

Cases of GBS occurring after administration of MMR or its component vaccines have been reported, but the IOM judged the evidence insufficient to accept or reject a causal relationship (150). Recent studies provide evidence against this potential association (185,186). After recent mass vaccination campaigns that involved approximately eight million doses of measles-rubella vaccine in the United Kingdom and greater than 70 million doses of measles vaccine in Latin America, evaluations of GBS incidence demonstrated no increases over background rates. Arthralgia, Arthritis, and Persistent or Recurrent Arthropathy

Measles:
Measles and Measles Vaccines: 14 Things To Consider

Sources:

1. Measles Deaths:
Table 12 http://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm6153a1.htm

2.Measles Cases:
CDC Telebriefing: Measles in the United States, 2015
CDC will provide information on current U.S. measles outbreak and guidance for health protection
Anne Schuchat, M.D. (RADM, USPHS) Assistant Surgeon General, United States Public Health Service; Director, CDC’s National Center for Immunization and Respiratory Diseases

Thursday, January 29, 2015 – 3:30 PM (ET)

84 cases of measles reported on the call for 2015.

3.Measles Cases:
Subject: Measles Cases for 2012 and 2013
Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2015 19:49:40 +0000
From: Rowland, Helen (Amy) (CDC/OD/OADC) <isc4@cdc.gov>
To: GTaylor@HealthChoice.org <GTaylor@HealthChoice.org>

Hi Ginger,

Please join CDC’s telebriefing, Measles in the United States, 2015, today at 3:30 PM ET for the most update to-date information. As for measles case counts for past years, please see chart below.

Year
Measles cases

2006

55
2007
43
2008
140
2009
71
2010
65

2011

220

2012
55
2013
187
2014
644

4. Vaccine Deaths:

Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System
http://wonder.cdc.gov/vaers.html

Search for deaths from all measles containing vaccines 2006 to 2014

Search by “year of vaccination” “died: yes” and all measles containing vaccines (MMR, MMRV, MR etc)

Year of Vaccination
Count

2006
12
2007
11
2008
13
2009
11
2010
8
2011
10
2012
10
2013
8
2014
3

Our Pro-life Story

Hannah’s first Ultrasound was at 15W1D. Her size  was 3oz and 8 cm and she measured smaller than her age, so they put her at around 13W6D and changed my due date. At 13 weeks gestation with a heartrate of 138 she was eligible for abortion had we chose it even though she was clearly a live human.

Hannah’s first picture 13w6D 

By my calculations and LMP her due date was 10/31 (she came on 11/1), but by measurements she was 13W6D and due 11/9.  Regardless, at 13W6D she had a heartbeat of 138, and was 3 oz and 8 cm.

According to medical testing we declined, that could have told us if she had any likelihood of birth defects due to my age (which would not have been %100), and according to pro-abortion people, we were totally within our rights to kill Hannah. She was unplanned, because our BC did not work (a reversed Vasectomy that was confirmed to not have worked, meaning he had a 0 sperm count), and because we were totally unprepared to have a baby at 37 with 3 almost grown kids. Even with a visible and detected heartrate, with complete legs, arms, hands, feet, spine, head, belly and face…we were totally within our “rights” to choose to kill her at 13 weeks most likely by ripping her apart and out of my body – according to the pro-abortion community. That is not a choice, that is a decision, against all logic.

Hannah was blessed to be given to a mother that protected her precious body, spine and heart.  Not all babies are that lucky.

Doesn’t look like a clump of cells to me.  Those adorable toes are some of my favorite things about her!

I am thankful that my mother chose life for me and my sister. I am thankful that she taught us that life is sacred, and that we were brought up to understand that a fetus is a baby. I am thankful that when I got pregnant at 17, I had been taught that my baby was not a “clump of cells” and that I had many options available to me. Not one of those options was abortion, because even at 17, I knew that mothers aren’t blessed with babies so they can kill them. Cody is here because I was taught, and blessed to have support from a my mom. I am thankful for a church (that even though the members shunned me) taught me that his life was important. I’m sure Cody Rivera is thankful that I didn’t choose to kill him because he was not planned and I wasn’t ready. He’s 24 this year, you can ask him what he thinks of abortion. Perhaps you can ask him about his 3 kids and one day they’ll tell you what they think of it too. I wouldn’t be blessed with him, or my 3 grandkids had I listened to the message of the world, that my baby was “my body, my choice” to kill. I’m so glad I didn’t.

All because I chose life!  L to R: Cody, Jasmine, Hannah and Me then L to R front Emma (my granddaughter), Jaydan (grandson 1) and on my lap is Landon (grandson 2).

I’m thankful for my ONE planned pregnancy Jasmine Tiana Windham! Thankful she is smart, and knows that she has options, and support should she ever need it. Thankful that she is an adult that is learning, but can make adult decisions and doesn’t think that it’s ok to kill a baby.

I’m thankful for Hannah. Unplanned, total surprise, and wanted and needed more than we ever knew.

Hannah at 3 aka “super Hanni”

We didn’t march today, but we are thankful, blessed, proud and stand for the rememberance of the millions of babies that had no one to stand up for them, and the millions that still have a chance!

Wiggly and loved

#marchforlife

Marriage Works! Walter and Tiffany

I am super excited (like, totally) about our couple in this Marriage Works post!  If you are new here and have no idea what Marriage Works posts are about, then be sure to check out our previous couples to get a feel for why we do these.

Walter and Tiffany are our first couple where both of them have given DETAILED answers…him a little more than her.  I appreciate wordy men, mainly because I’m used to it with Big Daddy and his ability to have a conversation with a brick wall.   There is nothing better than a man that can and does express himself, you will never question where you stand or what is going on.  Back to our couple!  They met in high school when she was 14 and he was 15 (sounds like me and D), they dated on and off for 3 years and met up and started dating again in 2009.  Their engagement lasted for about 2 years and have been married for a little over 2 years now.  They are both Christian, and he works full time, while she stays at home and manages the home and cares for their 2 children.  She enjoys crocheting as a hobby that sometimes she gets paid to do…and that is relevant since I knit (because we’re both awesome like that).

Those are some adorable kids!

 

How did you meet, what was your first impression of your spouse (both physical and personality)?
We first met through a mutual friend in school and I thought he was really cute though I wasn’t really looking at him as a boyfriend at the time
We met through a mutual friend in high school. As I recall, she was attracted to my friend until she met me 🙂 I thought she was beautiful from the start, but wouldn’t have thought she’d be interested in me. She was, and still is, much smarter than I was/am. Much more mature too I think.

How long after meeting did you know they were “the one”?
In typical high school fashion I knew within a couple of months lol. After we met up again, it wasn’t until he got saved that I knew for sure this was going to last forever
When we were in high school I actually proposed to her, but she wasn’t ready for that. It wasn’t long afterwards, that I made a great mistake and broke up with her. About 10 years later, I looked her up and contacted her on facebook. After one of our first conversations on the phone, I knew she was the one I wanted. Honestly, breaking up with her in high school was one of my biggest regrets, and I praise the Lord that He would  right my wrong at this point in my life. 
Been there, done that:)

Tell me about an instance when your spouse made you proud. 
I’m proud of him every day, in all the little things, so it’s a little tough to say just one thing. Maybe when he got saved, humbling himself in the situation he was in when he got saved
Everyday I’m proud that my wife is my wife. Everyday she is committed to our family, and she is also committed herself to helping others through the 3 different groups she has on Facebook, and mothers’ Bible study group she’s trying to get going. She is always on the look out for someone to help or invite over to try and speak into their lives.

List 2 physical qualities you love about your spouse. 
Eyes and butt
First would have to be her smile. It brightens up the whole room, and no matter how rough the day is going, she still has the strength to smile for everyone. Second, would have to be everything else equally. I love everything from her hair, to her small feet lol.
Get a room! No, that was awesome and great answers!

Describe 3 ways your spouse shows you love/respect/care on a regular basis.
He is always giving and taking care of us, putting us and our needs first, whether that is cooking everyone breakfast on his days off or playing with our ever energized four year old so I get a small break with just the baby.
(Get ready for this, it’s awesome) 
Before Jesus Christ was invited into my heart and life to redeem me from sin, I didn’t know how to be the head of a family. Tiffany has helped me to better understand my role as the leader in our family, and she submits to my authority. That might sound bad to those who don’t understand Scripture, but the head of the wife is the husband and the head of the husband is Christ. This works out best when the husband understands the rest of the Scriptures that correspond with that commandment. In this way she has helped me grow in my understanding of what God requires of me in our home. The second thing I would say is all the little things she does to make my life easier. When we were first living together, she would spend 2 hours a day preparing all the food I would eat that day (which is much more extensive the most people). Although now she doesn’t have that kind of time, she continues to take the extra step to do the things she (hopefully) knows that I really appreciate and make my day more efficient. Like making my eggs for the next day and setting up the coffee pot for me in the morning. She stays up a little later every night just to do that kind of stuff for me. The third thing would be she is my counselor and adviser in all things. I have had to confess things to her I never wanted anyone else to know, and discuss problems I was having that required me getting really personal with her. No matter what the issues were and are, she listens without any judgement and helps me work through my problems. I would tell every man that if you can be that personal with your wife, and she is willing to listen, help guide you, and love and stand by you through it all no matter what, then you have a wife that you can spend the rest of your life with, and trust always. I know it hasn’t always been easy for her, but she has shared the load of my burdens on her own shoulders with me, and for that I will always be grateful. There is no one else on this earth with whom I trust more than my wife.
Tiffany, you need to print that and frame it!  Walter, did you just read all my posts on submission?

Describe your last date with your spouse. 
He took me out to eat four years ago just after our oldest daughter’s birth while my mom watched our baby
Date…riiiigghht. Well, our last date without any kids was when she and I first got back together and we went walking through some of the water ways around the Woodlands Mall area. It’s really nice over there, and we walked and talked for a long time. After we were married we had a really nice dinner at Olive Garden, but I think that might be it as far as an actual date goes. It might not be an actual date, but many times at night when our daughter would be in bed, we would sit in our living room, no TV on, and talk to each other about all kinds of things. We may not have been out somewhere, but these were really nice times to just have that time together. Isn’t that what dating is about anyway?
Walter, that’s what marriage is about, and you are super sweet, but take her on a date, for real 🙂

If you could go back with all the knowledge you have…what advice would you give to your “before married” self about your spouse/marriage?
He’s a keeper! Don’t worry too much about how things look on the outside, just follow God and His word and all other things will line up
There are a lot of moments I’d like to go back to in my life, and punch myself in the face really hard, but everything has worked out as a teaching and ministering tool for ourselves and others. I would probably tell myself to concentrate on ensuring your wife knows just how much you love and appreciate her both with words and works. I would say to make an effort everyday to pay attention to all the things she does for you, and ensure that you try to ensure that everyday she knows how much you love and appreciate her, and how thankful you are that the Lord would grace you with the wife you have.

Do you practice submission in your marriage? Why or why not? Did your vows include “obey”? What does submission generally look like in your marriage? 
I guess I do. It’s not something I have to think about doing usually, it is something God has commanded of us though. We make major decisions together but he is in charge of the finances and there isn’t much I do without his input but that is because he is my best friend rather than because he is the head of the house. Our vows were traditional vows, so yes that was in there
Yes, and our vows did state “obey” if I remember correctly. I want my wife included in any major decisions making that we may need, and I want her to know that I’m willing to give of myself for her when she needs me. I respect her point of view and input, and like I said she’s much smarter than me anyway so it’s good to have her by my side to help me see what I can’t. If she needs my to do something for her, or needs to talk to me about something I do my best to adjust my schedule of plans to accommodate her. But honestly, I don’t have to do that very often.

How often do you pray or study together?
Not as often as we should but we do pray when a need comes up, pray over the food, and we discuss biblical topics often
Everyday we pray together, mostly at meal times, and at the end of the day with our daughter. We do need to make more time for study though.

How has being a Christian helped your marriage? 
We are much better people when we follow God’s principles. We treat each other and others better, sacrifice isn’t forced but is part of our love. We understand better how the marriage dynamic is supposed to work and we strive for that
I’m not sure that you can have a truly successfully marriage without a Christ centered marriage. Sure many have lasted a lifetime without Him, but the measure of success is how God will view your lives. God has taught me about guarding my heart, and always being mindful of my actions to ensure I am fulfilling my duties as a husband, and to ensure purity in our marriage.

What is your personal biggest weakness? How do you try to control it in your marriage?
I’m stubborn lol but lately I have been letting him help me more. I used to feel like I wasn’t doing things well if I needed his help
I would say at this point in my life it would be my temper. I get short tempered and cranky during certain times in my environment (hunger, tired, hot, ect. lol), and I can get a little testy at times. This continues to be a work in progress, but acknowledging this weakness has helped me identify times when I’m getting aggravated and try to be patient and calm when I can. Prayer is also my go-to when it gets a little too much for me to handle on my own.

What is/was your most disagreed upon topic as a couple? How do you handle it when it comes up? How have you resolved it, or made changes to smooth things over?
Discipline. we discuss it and try to change but it’s a long hard battle that really does take sacrifice daily and all of our energy and attention
The thermostat lol. I like it cold, she likes it hot. Honestly she usually submits and turns the AC down for me, but sometimes when I know she’s comfortable I try not to say anything. Unless it’s really hot, and I’ve had enough of that. And the dentist, I don’t like going, but she usually gets her way with that too.

How satisfied are you with your intimate time and the frequency? How do you keep this positive and on track, or what are you doing to improve this?
We have a newborn so things are not as good as they should be but I think it will get better as her sleeping pattern improves. He also had a schedule change and we don’t have any more alone time so we have to take whatever opportunities that might come
With the birth of our second daughter, and my schedule change at work, our alone time has dramatically declined. Not to mention, I’m one of those guys that will never have enough intimate time with my wife. But many times, we’ll just look at each other and remind ourselves that it’s just a season in our life and it won’t last forever.

What is your favorite advice given to you about marriage/spouses?
Just one? My tops are learn his love language (5 love languages by Gary Chapman), burn your ships/have no back door or exit available, there are three main issues every marriage struggles with: sex, communication and money so get these straightened out and you’ll be good 🙂 God first, others second, yourself last
If you’re right with the Lord, and have put your trust and faith in Jesus Christ, then everything else will work itself out. This did not happen over night, although my wife’s forgiveness did, I can honestly say that a man devoted to God will be devoted to his wife and family, and much good fruit will be produced.

Where will your marriage/spouse be in 10 years? Describe what you’d like or your goals.
We’d like our own home and possibly another child or two. I hope we are more involved in community, church and friends by then. Right now we take it one day at a time lol
Our children will be older. Lord willing we will have more time to spend together, and maybe even go on a date or two. I pray that we will be more mature in our faith, and more involved with what ever work He intends for us. I hope that our children will be faithful, and begin to be the example of what a Godly marriage produces. 

I love you guys!  Great job on seeing your strengths and weaknesses.  For some that takes a longer time than others, and it seems you both just fell into it pretty well in just a few years.  I see lots of myself and D in you both, you guys must be awesome people 😉  It is wonderful and comforting to see other couples that are equally as in love, supportive and still learning and working on their relationship.  I think we all forget that there are couples in the same place we are, and struggling with the same things.  Reaching out and talking about those issues with other couples or women in a safe environment is beneficial and a great way to work through them.  There is a great group for Christian moms here – come on over and check it out!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ChristianMomsAllTopics/

~Mel

Marriage Works! Jeremy and Kristy

I’m back with another great husband and wife!  If you haven’t read previous Marriage Works posts just click here for the ones you missed (there’s even one about me and Big Daddy).  I had someone ask what the purpose of these couple highlights are.  Her actual question was “why do you keep posting happy couples – is it to make the rest of us feel bad?”  No, that’s not why.  Not everyone is happy all the time.  Most of us are, most of us know that marriage takes work to work, and it’s not always easy, or smooth.  In fact, just the other morning Big Daddy and I had it out over shoes…and attitudes.  Arguments, disagreements, being upset or anything that happens day to day is normal and doesn’t mean that we aren’t happy, it just means we’re normal.  The purpose of these is for everyone else to see that all couples have issues or problems, but those don’t outweigh the good.  For the couples answering, I can say that it’s fun to read what your spouse says (I ask that you answer separately) and it can help open up a dialogue for things that you haven’t addressed.  I’m not here to comment on, or suggest fixes for the answers, this is just a window for other couples to peek into.  On to our Marriage Works couple!

This post is our first one where both husband and wife have answered, and as always, they don’t have to answer any questions they don’t want to.  Today we have Jeremy (37) and Kristy (32) answering some questions and giving us a peek into their marriage. They dated for 5 months, were engaged for 8 months and have been married for 5 years.  They are both Christians and Jeremy is a new Christian – that deserves an Amen!   Their home dynamic allows Kristy to stay at home where she cares for their 2 girls and also watches a little boy while Jeremy works about 50-60 hours a week.  They are busy.

Beautiful family, and those girls are adorable!

Now let’s see how they each answer!

How did you meet, what was your first impression of your spouse (both physical and personality)?

Kristy – He was so handsome. We met online. I loved his personality, he was hard working and family was important to him.
Jeremy – we met online. I was the one who emailed her, I loved her Smile and she was very pretty and funny.

How long after meeting did you know they were “the one”?

 

Kristy – I knew he was the one just from talking on the phone for weeks before we actually met.
Jeremy -I knew she was the one from the first time we out on a date.

Tell me about an instance when your spouse made you proud.

Kristy -When he got baptized.
Jeremy-The way she is a mother to our girls.

List 2 physical qualities you love about your spouse.

 

Kristy – eyes and beard 🙂
Jeremy- hair and smile

Describe 3 ways your spouse shows you love/respect/care on a regular basis.

 

Kristy – works hard, he holds the door open for me, and he gives me kisses
Jeremy – always make sure to say I love you first and last thing, having dinner ready, and she always gets my meds.

Describe your last date with your spouse.

We went to see dirty dancing at the DPAC. We went to an Italian restaurant and went to toys r us before the show.

 

If you could go back with all the knowledge you have…what advice would you give to your “before married” self about your spouse/marriage?

 

Kristy- make sure to stand up for yourself
Jeremy- only spend money you have

 

Do you practice submission in your marriage?  Why or why not?  Did your vows include “obey”?  What does submission generally look like in your marriage?

 

Kristy- yes we had obey. I think I try to submit myself to him but it’s hard when it involves our children. He hasn’t yet to take the spiritual head of household. He’s getting there but we have awhile for him to get there. I need to submit more to him.

How often do you pray or study together?

 

Daily. Study not yet.

 

How has being a Christian helped your marriage?

 

I think we give our problems to God, versus fighting about it.

 

What is your personal biggest weakness?

 

Kristy – letting go. I dwell on things he doesn’t do.
Jeremy- Quick to get angry.

 

How do you try to control it in your marriage?

 

Kristy- I just bite my tongue.
Jeremy-  Just go outside to walk it off.

 

What is/was your most disagreed upon topic as a couple?  How do you handle it when it comes up?
How have you resolved it, or made changes to smooth things over?

 

Most disagreements are on how to discipline.  We sometimes wait to the girls go to bed.  I think because I am home with them it’s easier for me to discipline our oldest because I know how to calm her down. He tries to handle her the same way I do but we are still working on this because he doesn’t quite understand how to get on her level to talk to her.

How satisfied are you with your intimate time and the frequency?

 

Kristy – I am but I waited 26 years and I honestly could wait more.
Jeremy- no, I def want it more than I get it.

 

How do you keep this positive and on track, or what are you doing to improve this?

 

Kristy- I have to just do it. I am so tired at the end of the day I just want to sleep.

What is your favorite advice given to you about marriage/spouses?

 

Don’t go to bed angry. Put God  first.

Where will your marriage/spouse be in 10 years?  Describe what you’d like or your goals.

 

Happy, God centered, I would love to be debt free, more in love.

I love the honesty here.  It’s not easy to admit where you are falling short, or where there is room for improvement (just ask my husband how easy it is for me).  I also can totally relate to being tired and feeling like sleep is a better option than sex.  Here’s hoping we all get past this baby/toddler stage quickly!

~Mel

Marriage Works! Roger and Rachel

We are on couple number 3 (4 if you include yours truly last week)! You can see all the Marriage Works couples here. So far I’ve had some great feedback, mainly on FB or via email, but I’d love some comments and encouragement for our couples here.  So please take a moment and let them know you appreciate their candid answers.  I have had a few constructive comments that stood out, one was that there wasn’t enough questions, that I didn’t get input from a husband, and another that I shouldn’t ask about sex.  While I’m totally open to ideas, I disagree about the sex comment.  Sex is totally relevant, important and ok to discuss when writing about marriage.  I also ask lots of questions and no one has answered any question they didn’t want to.  I’m working on the husband’s responses and more/different questions for future couples though!

Let’s meet today’s couple!  Roger (27) and Rachel (25) are a little younger than our past couples and married much younger than anyone so far! Just goes to show you that happy marriages come in all sizes.  It doesn’t matter where you are in marriage, it matters how you relate and work together to make your marriage work.

You guys are adorable!

How did you meet?

High school Spanish class. I was a sophomore and him a senior. We both got dumped, I already had a dress for prom, but couldn’t go without an upper classmen, so I asked if he’d go with me.

How long did you know each other/date before getting engaged?

1 year (my junior year of high school)

How long were you engaged?

1 year (2 weeks after my high school graduation)

How long have you been married?

7 years

What is your favorite verse/passage?

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own

Are you and your spouse Christian?

Yes, I was baptized around 9 and I baptized my husband at church camp while we were dating… he was 18.

Do you practice submission in your marriage? Why or why not? Did your vows include “obey”?

Yes. Honestly, I didn’t think about the obey issue until now. However, I’d probably still include it if we were to redo vows. He is the head of the house and I am to submit to him. He is the one with the responsibility to answer for our family on the day of judgment, and I respect his choices. He respects me enough to get my input.

How often do you go on a date?

Roughly every 2-3 weeks. 90% of time a movie and cheap/quick dinner.

What is your personal biggest weakness? How do you try to control it in your marriage?

Biggest weakness is sarcasm. It is very difficult and I’m still working on it. I am trying to take breathing breaks and relax mid-conversations.

If you could go back with all the knowledge you have…what advice would you give to your “before married” self about your spouse?

When we were dating, he was very romantic (flowers, poems, etc.) Once we got married, the poems stopped (though I ask for them at as gifts occasionally and small thoughtful things less often). I wish I just would’ve had a heads up that was going to happen.

How many children do you have/want?

2 girls. 3.5 and 12 months. We’re done.

What is your favorite advice given to you about marriage/spouses?

COMMUNICATION.

How satisfied are you both with your intimate time and the frequency?

Frequency is not enough. We both think it should be weekly. I’m sure he’d like it twice a week, I’m more fine with once every 1-2 weeks. I thought I’d be more sensual once I got married (virgin at wedding), but it’s just not really in me. I enjoy it once start, but I usually must plan for it if I know I’ll be initiating.

Short and sweet, and I just love them!  Rachel, if you’re reading (and I hope you are), I think you aren’t alone in your assertion about how gifts and romance (or things you perceive as romantic) often stop or slow down.  Just as many things change after marriage, like date nights, sex, conversations, romance is one of those that often takes a hit.  I’d like to encourage you to show him this post and hopefully he’ll see an opportunity, or even bring it up to him in a non-confrontational way.  It’s not the time to say “you never do ____ anymore,” but at the right time and with the right tone you could say “I was thinking, I really loved when you used to write me poems or get me flowers.  I kind of miss them, is there anything you miss that I used to do?”  Maybe it will open up a dialogue and you’ll find out why, as in, does he think you don’t like them?  Did he run out of words (lol, I doubt it)?  Time?  Does he think you “know” already how much he loves you and don’t need them?  I think a gentle nudge might get him and you back on track with both doing things you used to!

What other questions should I include?  Do you have a question or want to play along?  Comment here with your email and we’ll get it set up!

~Mel

Flip Side: Top Ten Fixable Reasons Your Wife Won’t Sleep With You

We’ve all seen them, the dreaded “list” of what you can do to achieve ____ or “8 ways to better sex” or as they should be titled “1 way to ensure your marriage isn’t helped a bit.”  They come in all shapes and sizes, all over social media, blogs, major news sites, click tastic ad sites that just want views, but they have one thing in common.  They are usually written for the wow factor, or the humor, and not at all to help those they are geared toward.  With the exception of a few that truly are helpful, I rarely take them seriously, and rarely read them.  However, this one was by someone I enjoy interacting with and who I read regularly (and who just featured us last week!).  I’d like to think it was all in fun or meant to be sarcastic, and I really hope that was the case, but there has bee no indication from any of the replies on social media that it was. Aside from the last point (#10) the post was just so far off the mark it was impossible not to respond to.  Maybe it should have been just number 10, that would have been an amazing help to couples.

Here is the original post:  Top Ten Fixable Reasons Your Wife Won’t Sleep With You I think it’s notable that the actual linked title says “Top 10 shallow reasons wife won’t sleep” could that be a more accurate title?

Look, I realize that not all men are perfect, not even my own wonderful man is, but I’m not either, nor are you.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that no man that is actually in need of sexual healing would read this list past numbers 1 and 2 and think “oh, this is helpful.”  There may be a man that needs this type of list, but I’m going to bet he’s not married, and if he is, what was she thinking?  To coin my teenager…

It is with great satisfaction and a little bit of pride that I can report that after reading the list, Big Daddy and I were in agreement that the post was not realistic. Unless you’re married to a 27 year old gamer (been there) or a prissy wife still stuck in her late teen mentality (he’s been there), this list is not for or about you. Not one part of it would “help” a man get laid by his wife. Why? Because most likely she’d say “oh, so you think doing something on that list is going to get you some?” See, women that agree with this list aren’t the type that you can please, or that want to be pleased. Why any woman wouldn’t want to be pleased is beyond me, but that’s a whole other issue.

Reading the social media comments was a good reflection of the reality of this list.  Most women said they agreed and that it was “their man.” Then when they reported back that their husbands read it and didn’t take it seriously at all it was deemed to be “deeper issues” than this list covered.  No, really?  You mean this superficial list of things  meant to get a reaction and clicks isn’t what’s holding back couples from sex?  Say it ain’t so!  Why so many women claim to relate to it is beyond me.  Is it that they like admitting they are rude, superficial and selfish? Do they take pride in admitting that their men aren’t getting any, or finding lame excuses for it? Is it fun to be a B****?  Ok, sometimes it is, but to your husband?  I think many women are not willing to fix the issue of not having sex, and this list was a crutch to say to their husbands “here, do these things, and maybe you’ll get laid (and if you don’t do them, then you still won’t).”  If you put it off on him, then you’re no longer the B in the situation!  Score!  Only, no score, you’re still not getting laid and you’re not fixing a thing.

I am positive that there are those that disagree with me, and won’t like my post here.  So, let’s just say that you actually DO see your man (or you are the man) on this list.  Whichever one or ones he is, there is a real way to address this, to make it helpful and not hurtful and to better your marriage and sex life.  If he truly needs to work on some of these things, an article with snark isn’t going to do it, but some sweetness and finesse will.  Use your heart and your head and find a way, or get to counseling so you can speak honestly and without bashing him over the head with sexual frustration since you aren’t giving it up.

I am blessed, and I know this.  D does all these things and then some and we are STILL not on the booty train all day every day (much to our dismay). Babies, nursing, health issues, life, work, sleep (oh, how I miss real sleep), are all huge contributors to our lack of sex.  Life gets to all of us, even superficial things get in the way, but issues truly need to be addressed.  Doesn’t mean they’ll go away quickly, or not have to be worked on HARD (I love you, babe), but they will be easier to discuss, and you’ll both realize what the issues are and that you truly do love each other.

Men, if you want to know how to get her to bed, skip to number 10 on that list, or up your bedroom skills – you might just suck.  It may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her mindset, her insecurities, her health, and countless other things.  Ask her what it is you can do to alleviate those things or help her move past them so you can enjoy being together again.  On the other hand, it may have to do with some things you are or aren’t doing, so be open and prepared to accept those calmly and work on them.  It’s a two way street, and no one should feel attacked by a list like this.  I can’t imagine this same type of article and list being well received by women either, just for “fun” let’s switch this shoe.

Why your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you:  

– You’re a snob  

– You smell like spitup and playdoh  

– You haven’t taken your hair out of that bun and curled it in 3 weeks  

– You fall into bed and don’t act like you want to have sex  

– The house is a mess (you’re here all day…what DO YOU DO?)  

– You’re boring (you weren’t like that when we were dating)  

– You engage in middle school slam book behavior by making and reading lists like this…

Now go fix all these things and turn back into the sex goddess you were 10 years ago while you guys were dating so you can go have sex in the car, on the car, in the movies and all the other fun places you used to attack each other – he’s waiting for you!

I’m sure THAT would have gone over well. Want to help a man get laid? Give him this list to show to his wife – if she likes it and says “so true,” he should find another wife (kidding, kinda). If she laughs and says it’s crap, scoop her up and take her to bed!

~Mel

Marriage Works! Practice what you preach edition!

This week our Marriage Works (click for all couples) couple is my husband and I!  I LOVE reading other blogs, for fun, information, relationship stuff, mom stuff, kid stuff, and all kinds of other things.  We were lucky enough to be chosen by Dr. Psyche Mom for a fun post about our marriage!  So as the title says…here’s a look into how our marriage works.

I’ve included the post here just as she wrote it because there have been some comments that her link up wasn’t working!  You can read the full text below, or visit her page at http://www.drpsychmom.com/2014/10/31/functional-couple-friday/

Just us

Here we are! (Her comments are in red AFTER our answers)

Today we have Melissa and David, both 38.  They are Christian and believe in a model of marriage where the husband is the head of the household and the wife supports his decisions, although she does seem to get her say, privately, which influences him.  They also have a blended family, and are co-sleeping with a new baby.  And they met in junior high!  Lots of interesting stuff here, dear readers.  So, let’s meet them now!

1.   How, when, and where did you meet and what is the first thing you thought about your partner when you met?

Melissa:  We met in 6th grade when we attended the same Christian private school, he left in 8th grade and we didn’t talk again for 20 years.  We were in the same grade, so it was the same class of about 24 kids.  I was absolutely oblivious to boys at that age but we all knew each other pretty well and I remember him being tall, much taller than me (he still is), and I remember his gorgeous eyes and blonde “flippy” hair.  The kind you keep leaning your head to the side and getting out of your eye.  I also remember him being told it was too long since it was over his eyebrows, and him being like “whatever.”  He thinks I don’t remember that much about him, because I wasn’t interested, but I remember lots:)

David: We went to school with one another for three years (middle school) then reconnected via FB/text/phone calls. I thought she was out of my league back in 6th grade! Cheerleader in a private school, and hanging with the “IN” crowd. The second time when we actually met as adults isn’t fit to be published! I will tone it down and say I was stuck with her beauty, absolutely amazed that she wanted me! Those 6th grade feelings were still there I guess. Then the lustful wanting to tear her clothes off and defile her thoughts came into the picture…they’re still there.

Again, guys who think they landed a girl out of their league are usually more happily married.  Very cute meeting story!

2.  What is your favorite physical feature of your partner?

Melissa:  Hey! No, um…seriously.  He’s tall, and hot, and he’s got great eyes, and his beard…oh, the beard.  He’s got meat on him, which is really great, because he’s not breakable.  Oh, and his hands, yes, please.  You said one.  My favorite feature is him?

David: Sexually, her butt without doubt, however I get lost in her eyes. It’s a bit of a draw!

Love couples who can’t keep their hands off each other and know how to express that to each other.

3.  What is your favorite personality trait of your partner?

Melissa: He’s got amazing self control (which he often uses with me).

David: She is extremely loving and a caretaker. It doesn’t matter if it is me, one of the kids or my parents.

Women do like men who have self-control, because they are stable and safe.  And everyone likes loving and nurturing partners!

4. What is something your partner does nearly every day that makes you happy?

Melissa: She shows respect for me as her husband and the head of the household. She backs my play in public even if I’m wrong. Then we discuss in private, not arguing for the world to see.

David: He takes care of, loves and pays attention to our girls (16.5 and 1 year next weekend).

Even though they have this head of household thing going that doesn’t apply to everyone, I do think they are right that both partners should back the other in public, and then discuss in private, if possible.  And women love men who love their kids!

5.  What is the nicest thing your partner ever did for you, in your whole relationship?  Describe in 2-3 sentences.

Melissa: There are too many to list.  Two stand out.  First, we are a blended family.  He has raised my children as his own and jumped in with both feet with teenagers, which was NOT easy.  Second, We had a very surprise pregnancy and I was not a happy pregnant woman.  I was miserable, tired, not fun to be around, and overall just blah.  He was a saint.  Waited on me when I was in pain, loved me even though I was mean or whiny, and did everything possible to keep me healthy and happy. Aww very nice.

David: She carried and gave birth to my baby girl! Neither of us wanted more kids but God had other plans.

Well she didn’t have much of a choice but it’s still nice that he considers it the nicest thing!

9. List the top five best qualities of your spouse: physical, emotional, mental, anything.

Melissa: He’s a Christian. He can stay calm when the crap hits the fan and when I’m losing my mind.  He’s awesome at rubdowns.  He’s a caring and loving leader/husband.  He’s an amazing kisser:)

David: She’s emotionally strong (more so than myself actually), She’s smart, strong willed, confident in who she is as a person, and a great mother.

Very nice.  It seems that even if David is the “leader,” he still wants a confident and strong willed wife.  I love couples who bring new dynamics to the table so we can learn about them and not see them as two dimensional; e.g., assume that a Christian “head of household” would prefer a passive woman.

10. What are the top five things you and your partner have in common?  Values, interests, goals, etc.

Melissa: We both agree on our beliefs – to a “T”. We both value health (mental and physical) over material things.  We’re like minded with work. We love our kids.  We have the same sense of humor – aside from the stupid movies I like.

David: We share religious beliefs, core values, political views, opinions on finances, and parenting.

They truly seem on the same page.

11.  Have you ever been in couples counseling.  Why?  Did it help?

Melissa: We have been to counseling separately, but attended together.  As in, he went to help with issues with his daughter, and I went for support to him.  I went for help with anxiety during a custody hearing, and he was there to support me.  It wasn’t couples counseling, but we found ways to help each other or get things out that weren’t being said. I think so for the issues at hand.

David: Yes, about her anxiety and the issues it caused in the relationship. No it didn’t help, but our communication got better after talking about how useless the counseling was! So I guess it did help actually…

I have a suspicion that one partner usually gets more out of counseling than the other, so this is probably normal.

12. How often do you hug?  Kiss?  Have sex?

Melissa: I was going to say “oh, at least a few times a day,” but thinking about it, we don’t.  We need to (hint, hint – I’m sure you won’t mind).  We kiss before bed (at least a peck) and usually if one of us leaves the room for a while (like to take a nap), or if leaving the house.  Totally not enough sex.  With a baby under 1, IN OUR BED (we’re about to move), and life, and every other excuse in the book…I’m embarrassed to even guess.  I’m sure he’s got a count going.

David: Hugs- Daily    Kiss- almost always on a daily basis but the baby, health and sleep schedules have gotten in the way a bit.     Sex- anywhere from weeks to months for the last couple of years. It’s an issue, but again health issues and baby are to blame not lack of passion.

Ah, co-sleeping.

13.  Which of you has a higher sex drive and how do you deal with any differences in sex drive between the two of you?

Melissa: We were well matched at first, for a good year and a half I don’t think we slept or ate.  After 4.5 years of marriage, he’s definitely got the higher drive now, I have the drive, but I have the tired too.  Not that he’s not tired, but we joke that he’d be down even if he lost an arm and a leg. We’re trying, I’m happy that our marriage is strong enough to withstand a rough patch, whether that’s health, or money, or sex.

David: My sex drive is MUCH higher! I could and would have sex with broken limbs (and actually have). We don’t deal with it. My health is better, but we co sleep with the baby, so we’re at a dead end for now.

I would have sex with broken limbs over sex when you haven’t been sleeping because you have a nursing newborn.  Kids, they really change your priorities.

14. How long did you wait to have sex?  Are you glad you had sex for the first time when you did?

Melissa: We got engaged after 3 months of dating long distance, and married 2 days after we got engaged.  We waited long enough to have sex.  Yes!

David: We got married within a month and a half of my first visit with her, you do the math! Yes I’m glad! It solidified our feelings and showed how compatible we were.

Wow, a two day engagement!  Guess you saved on a wedding planner.

15.  What is the number one issue you fight about, and are you working on resolving it?  How?

Melissa: There is not one issue, we don’t fight that often.  I wouldn’t even call it a fight, it’s more like a deep discussion, but each time the discussion turns to my responses to him.  It’s the typical Love and Respect cycle.  I am not good with the “I’m wrong” “I’m sorry” deal and that doesn’t go over well with him.  He’s working on me lol.

David: We don’t fight usually but when we do it’s because she REFUSES to apologize or admit when she is wrong. I’m working on her, but it’ll take time. It’s only been a few years. You can’t change someone overnight.

 

Really on the same page here as well.  I like how she calls the fights “deep discussions.”  There is usually one partner who calls fights “deep discussions” and one who calls them fights.

16. What are the top three stressors in your lives?

Melissa: 

Me – His health, work, need good sleep
Him – Health, money/work, life (ex’s/custody drama)

David: My health, the Ex situation (mine and hers are both insane, suck as parents, and are horrible human beings), and finances.

Same page.

17.  What is one thing that you’re looking forward to as a couple?

Melissa: We’re moving into a bigger place.  We both think that’s going to help tremendously with not being on top of each other at home.

David: Growing old together and looking back at a wonderful committed faithful marriage!

Very nice.  Congrats on the new place.

18.  Fill this in:  I am glad I married my partner because:

Melissa: If I hadn’t we would not have our child together and my life (and that of my older kids) has vastly improved, we needed him.   (one sentence) A long, run-on sentence?

David: She believes in me.

Men love to have a partner believe in them. And it is good for a man to also feel appreciated and valued, which she does in her sentence about him.

19. Give me one secret thought that you’ve never told your partner. Something you think about them, about the relationship, about yourself, anything.

Melissa: I pray a lot, and he knows that.  When I’m trying to or can’t fall asleep (which is usually every night, or in the middle of the night) I pray specifically for him and it calms me.

David: I don’t deserve her and I know it. I’m reminded of it when she takes care of me, handles responsibilities that I can’t handle, and when I think about my past.  She never signed on for everything we have had to deal with.

 

Thanks for playing, guys. My first one in a while where both gave me an answer for this question!  And the answers are very sweet too.

 

Well, this was fun, and I feel like I know the inner workings of a Christian [insert name for their specific type of dynamic here… traditional?] marriage.  Thanks for writing in and being so open and candid!  You sound like you have a long and happy marriage ahead of you here.

 

If you have a burning desire to be profiled in this column, write in here.  And until we meet again, I remain, the Blogapist Who Thinks I Will Start Calling My Husband The “Leader” And See If He Drops Dead of Shock.

We really enjoyed doing this and it was so cool to get to read each other’s answers for the first time when it was published.  We answered separately and didn’t discuss until the post came out.  Judging by the answers, we are totally on the same page and meant for each other!

~ Mel