Edit: I didn’t realize this, but if you don’t know the story, D and I went to junior high together, around 6-8th grade at the same private school. We were not an item, but in a small school like that you know EVERYONE. We both left the school and his family moved out of state and we did not remain in touch. After 20 years we reconnected last year.
(Throughout this post, there are words that both Big Daddy and I said to each other in first and second week of talking via email-after phone conversations)…I read back over our first emails those weeks and it makes me smile to see where we started, and how quickly we bonded. My statements are in italics, his are bold. I don’t want to share too much, because I like that it’s just for us, but it makes me squee all over again to read them!
On to the post:
One year ago today (I started writing this before midnight), I was totally clueless as to what I was doing, where I was, where I was going, what I could do and what the hell I was going to do.
One year ago I friended my now Sister-in-law on FB, and tomorrow (1/11) a year ago my now husband messaged me to say “hi.” I never thought, planned, or had any clue that a simple conversation on a social networking site would lead me to the greatest man I could ever imagine (or not have ever imagined).
On another note, I really do hate that you and I don’t live close, but I’m enjoying that it encourages talking and getting to know each other.
At the beginning of our reconnection, we talked online briefly for about 3 days. He gave me his number after 2 days, and for the first week after that, he reminded me EVERY time we got off online chat that I “can call anytime.” I was a bit on the slow side there. Not for lack of wanting to, but I was in the middle of some crazy stuff and didn’t really see the need to call him if I could talk to him online. He was patient, I called a week after we started talking on FB, and, well, we never shut up after that. I don’t think the phone was prepared for how much we used it.
Well, enough for now. I just wanted you to know that none of our conversation was lost on me and that you have touched my life on a deep level. I truly hope this thing, whatever it may be, just keeps getting better.
There was something about talking to him, and him for me (which we discussed) that was easy, it flowed, it was like we had talked for the 20 years we hadn’t. We had been through some major crap, each on a different level, and had stories about things, and could finish sentences about topics neither of us knew anything about in relation to the other person. We had no lull’s in conversation, no uncomfortable pauses, no awkward goodbyes. It was perfect, and flowed better than anything I’ve ever experienced. He was made for me…but this was NOT the time.
Not that I’m better than anyone, but people can be selfish and use things against you – which again, we discussed. Just know that I feel very safe being open with you and I appreciate it.
We continued to talk, and laugh, and run up outrageous phone bills on different carriers…until there was no where to go but meet up. Oh, I forgot to say, we were 9 hours apart. DOH! That was planned, not by us, but by Someone higher up. Had we not been forced to communicate, we would have never gotten off to the amazing start we did. We would have done it the way we both had always done things and probably royally screwed it up. Everything about our relationship was crafted for us, by Someone who knew what we needed and how much we needed it.
Truthfully, I’d be a liar if I said I’m not curious to see where things go between us. Having said that, I will always do my best to give you the truth. Even if it turns you in a direction that I don’t like.
After a few weeks, he decided to come down and visit…and I was more than happy to finally meet up and see if we “clicked” in person. We did 🙂 It was 3 days and I was totally crushed when he left, but had a clear goal of what to do, where I was going, where I wanted to be, and where I should be heading. In just a few short weeks (of constant talking) I was no longer lost. It was still going to take a while, but I knew, for the first time ever, where I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to be heading toward. I can’t tell you how comforting that is.
(In response to D emailing at 5 am before going into work) I cannot always guarantee a coherent, interesting, more than two word reply at this ungodly hour, and yes, any activities in the whole world, before 10, should be banned.
One closing glimpse, then no more because it’s kinda sacred. This is an email from D and my reply, these were all standard comments and a good representation of how much we clicked. I love it! This was a few days before he came to visit for the first time.
Good morning Beautiful,
I just wanted to tell you how much last night meant to me. It was pretty intense and kinda out of the blue, but I’m glad we talked.
It dispelled a lot of my fears and made me much more comfortable. With a few cats out of the bag I feel like you know me a lot better as a person and a man.
This is all on fast forward, but God knows I am loving every second of it. My heart swells just thinking of you. And I am always thinking of you…
Well, have a good day Baby and know that you are on my mind and in my heart.
Good morning handsome:)
Your emails waiting for me when I wake up mean more than you know. You’ll always be able to make my day start better with little things like that…so feel free to keep doing it!
I enjoy our talks at all times, and when they go off into deeper subjects, like last night, it shows that we are much more than just casual conversation.
I can’t promise, yet, that there aren’t things that either of us won’t like, or understand about each other, or that we won’t have to work through or compromise on. But I can assure you that there’s not much you could throw at me that I won’t understand or haven’t dealt with in my own life. I think, at our age, we aren’t new adults starting out a relationship with blinders on thinking love conquers all. It can, but it takes a shitload of patience, understanding and confidence along with love to get through life and past any speed bumps. There’s a reason we didn’t talk until this point in our lives, and I’m sure it was so we could both be prepared for where we are now and ready to handle each other:)
I’m here, I wanna be here, and I want to get to know everything about you, good, bad and weird… will return the favor, and feel like you are on the same page.
Just one year ago, I was not the same person I am now. I was not as happy, had no idea that I wasn’t as happy as I could be, and didn’t know the first thing about how to be happy.
While no one should be responsible to make YOU happy, there are people that are put in our lives to help us achieve what we are supposed to be. God uses others to bring us where he sees us and wants us. I firmly believe, and know that God gave D and I to each other. I can’t speak for him, but I can say that we were both not emotionally or mentally where God wanted us to remain. We were not sent to “fix” each other, but to compliment and bring the other comfort, love, happiness, and support to lift the other up to a place neither of us has experienced.
I am fully thankful and beyond blessed that I trusted and did everything I should have to get to where I am now. It was not by my own doing, but my willingness to be open and trust God has given me more than I could have ever imagined.
Here’s to LOTS more years with D, and I can’t wait!