Disclaimer: I am not perfect, nor do I think I am, or have I ever thought I was. I do think I’m smart, and sometimes I know more than certain people on a subject. Sometimes I don’t. This time I do.
I’d also like to thank Big Daddy for understanding that I had to come down (I started this after midnight) and put this on paper (draft) or I wouldn’t be able to sleep. See, unless one of us is ill (migraine, or sick), we go to bed together, no matter what. So if he’s tired and I’m not, we go to bed together. If he’s wide awake and I’m beat, I stay up with him. If I’m on a roll with knitting…he’s suffering through a movie until I’m ready. It’s all for one around here. So, thanks Baby…you rock.
This post may seem harsh to some, because normally I reserve my “stop being stupid” talks for those close to me, and don’t go throwing out tough love on the internet. I have a rep to uphold:) No, in all seriousness, my blog, my FB page are all me. I do have bad days, and I do have things that I’d love to talk about, but I want to be uplifting, and positive, and happy. It’s a choice.
I don’t want anyone to think that this post is asking people to not speak up when they need love, compassion, advice, or when they have the occasional bad day. This post is for people who are whine filter challenged. If you’re still reading after that introduction – you’re awesome.
No one really cares if your miserable, so you might as well be happy. – Cynthia Nelms
It’s been brewing for a while, I’m normally very nice and understanding, we all have bad days. We all want to sit in a corner (or under our comforter) and cry, and write nasty letters about how wrong this person is, or how bad this situation sucks or poor me. There are those that do it often (and sometimes for the world to see through social networking sites), and there are those of us that wallow for a second (or 10 minutes) and then realize that everyone else has crap they are dealing with too. I’m breathing, I have a bed, I have a roof to be under, I just ate, and my family is healthy…so what the hell do I have to be whiney about? There are those of us that try to be positive, because life does suck sometimes, and when it really blows I want to be able to say so and people not think “here she goes again.” And trust me, I could make you think that about me. I could tell you stories about ex’s (mine and his), kids, family, friends, work, that would make you wonder how I stay so positive. But, I don’t…why you ask? Becauuuuuuuuuuuuse…
- NO ONE GIVES A CRAP about my drama. If they do, they are drama llama’s and need to get a life. Those that thrive on drama tend to create it. Not once have I had someone ask me why I don’t blog about drama, or why my status updates on FB aren’t more drama filled…why you ask? Because I don’t associate with people that like drama, you can ask my family, I cut out the drama queens like fat off chicken (I hate fat on my chicken). I will not hesitate to drop you and not look back. (Aside from those that I’m
geneticallycontractually bound to.)
- NO ONE LIKES A WHINER. No one cares that your friends are lame, or that you don’t like _____, or that work sucks (thanks Captain Obvious), no one cares that your ex is an asshole, they are all assholes or they wouldn’t be ex’s so stop pointing it out and proving how not over them you are by even mentioning them. We don’t give a crap that you’re sad because no one understands you, or you want ____ to change in your life. We only care if you are tired of it and you are stating to us that you are going to make a change for the better and rid yourself of the situation you are in, no matter who created it for you, only YOU are responsible for changing it and moving past it. Other people are responsible for how they treat you, you are responsible for putting up with it, or stopping it.
I’ve said that to say this…we all need people that love us, we all need to vent, we all need to feel that people care about us. But if we choose to wallow, guilt trip, whine, do nothing, drag others down, create drama for a reaction, and otherwise be a drain on those that care, at some point they will have enough and drop you like the hot mess you are. You may not think people think that about you, but the silence of your friends speaks as loud as those that speak up and will tell you to your face that you need to get your head out of your ass. Some people are too scared that you are fragile and can’t handle a harsh “tough love” pep talk…then there are the rest of us that would want our family and friends to encourage us to raise up, remove your head from your ass, and DO SOMETHING about what you’re whining about.
If you have more than one person, pointing out the error of your ways, or that you are wrong, or that you need to rethink things, or “hey, get off your ass and do something,” and you can’t think of ONE reason this group of people would ever say anything to guide you in the wrong direction, or why they would ever want you to fail. MAYBE, just maybe, you’re wrong. If there’s more than one person telling you that something smells bad, and it’s your attitude, it might be true.
I can relate to this “wrong” theory (it’s hard for me, I’m not wrong that often – but I’ll try to relate it as best I can). Big Daddy has mentioned (and I talked about in previous posts) my “forceful opinions.” I tend to not listen when I think I’m right, which is all the time – I mean, who doesn’t think they are right all the time? What’s the point of being if you don’t think you’re right? Anyways, once he said that, I’d never had anyone tell me that, in that way, the nice way. He was trying to be subtle about it, and nice, but what he meant to say was what I’ve heard my whole life…”you can be a hardheaded bitch when you want to be.” He’ll never admit it, but it’s what he meant. He’s right. BUT, he said it with love, in a way I could relate to and understand. Because when someone tells you you’re a bitch, if they are right, you’re just going to prove their point. I now, whether he knows it or not, try to remember that I will fight to the death over crap that means nothing to either one of us, just so he will say “you’re right.” He also knows now to just say “we’re done talking about it” and move on, change the subject, divert my attention, because I’m not giving up and he doesn’t want to fight over stupid crap. He’s learned me…faster than anyone else ever has. It’s quite a change from what I’ve had in my life for as long as I can remember. I’m still working on it, and I’m failing, because we just had that “we’re done talking about it” conversation a few days ago over some work crap…that was so important I can’t even remember what it was now, yet I was prepared to fight to the death over it. (I admitted it – that’s called GROWTH!)
I’ve recently dealt with 3 instances of people like this, and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of having to listen to excuses, diversions, and the “it’s not my fault” theory. I don’t know when it became ok to publicly not take responsibility for the situation you are in. If it is only me on the crusade I will gladly take it upon myself to pull people’s heads out of their asses and give a dose of reality. I’ve surrounded myself with people that hold no punches and would do the same for me.
I leave you with words of wisdom from my crudely eloquent father:
Shit or get off the pot. (Either do it or quit talking about it)
Wish in one hand, poop in the other and see which fills up first. (Quit whining)
“My throat hurts when I cough” or “My leg hurts when I walk” or “I can’t get this to work doing it this way” – his answer was always “Then don’t do that.” (If it’s not working, don’t do it, or do it another way)
Edit: My blog buddy drew my attention to her post from July 2010 – she covers what I left out.